Wondering how to make him fall in love with you?
Being ‘that woman’ who grows from a Ms. Right-Now to Mrs. Right isn’t all that easy. Contrary to what the zillion relationship advice forums splattered everywhere tell you, making him fall in love with you isn’t something YOU can effect! You can only create an experience for him that inspires him to be his best self – that inspires him to ‘win.’ And this is all you can do.
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The problem, however, is that women have got it all wrong – instead of focusing on his feelings and the experience they create for him, they are fixated on their own desires, needs, and fears. This fixation, then, prevents a relationship from blossoming into a commitment of a lifetime. Making him fall in love with you is more than looking drop-dead gorgeous, cooking him his favorite meals, spicin’ it up in the bedroom or even telling him how much you love him! These shall help you to catch his eye and attract him, sure. But attraction isn’t love. This fleeting feeling of having caught his roving eyes shall fail to develop this attraction into a permanent, everlasting feeling. Because you got the basics wrong!
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One has to understand that attracting him is particularly easy (as demeaning as it may sound) but making him fall in love with you isn’t. In fact, it isn’t even something you can do! And I say this because attraction is a very fleeting aspect of dating and relationships that is built on certain appealing characteristics of the person you ‘feel attracted to.’ Love, on the other hand, is deep and enduring. It is a choice one makes, every single day for the rest of one’s life!
And YOU cannot make this choice for him!
You can only create the optimal conditions that shall help him decide if he wants to ‘choose’ to be in love with you – today and for every single day that follows. And these are all the tips you need to create the meaningful experience that shall want him to move mountains to ‘win’ you, that shall have him thinking ‘seriously’ about ‘choosing’ you as his, that shall make him fall in love with you and remain so:
1. Understand the concept of ‘choice’
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If you revisit your past relationships or know about his, you’d see that relationships don’t always work out – not because you do not want things to work out – but because they could never be ‘that man/woman’ you could effortlessly spend 6547 wonky Wednesdays or an equal number of mundane Mondays with. And herein lies my contention. Sometimes, you can’t see past your attachment or be blind to make things work because of self-doubt, fears of loss, rejection, and relationship fantasies that you do want to come true. But a real relationship isn’t about ‘making it work.’ It is about love that is founded on a REAL compatibility. And it is only when this effortless compatibility manifests itself that one can make the conscious ‘choice’ of loving someone for the rest of their lives. Coz love does grow organically from a relationship in which you are there for each other, you can talk endlessly without getting bored, and have comfortable silences too – but it takes a conscious decision to keep it that way, when the tide isn’t quite in one’s favor. And you have to understand that HE has to make this choice, by himself. You just cannot do it for him. You can only show him that you can be ‘that woman.’ By…
2. Finding your own happiness
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Rather than spending you time to lure him in, be the best possible version of you. Do things that make you happy. Before you worry about being attractive to someone, you have to find yourself attractive. You should be able to look yourself in the mirror and say ‘I love you’ at least twice during the day! Not only is a confident woman who keeps her life brimming with spontaneity and variety very very attractive but is also the first step of working on the ME-component for the desire of forging a future-WE connection. Of course, I am not implying that this should be the driving factor behind finding your happiness – heck, NO! This is all for you. All I am saying is, it helps!
3. Being you, unapologetically so
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When you attract someone or catch someone’s fancy, the most common mistake to commit is to ‘act yourself up’ in the hopes of impressing him and sustaining the attraction. But that can only take the ‘interest’ component as far as a hook-up or a casual affair. When you do manage to catch his eye, remember to be yourself. There is nothing better than a woman who is the REAL deal. Guys like the ‘what you see is what you get’ principle, and there is no reason you should goof around doing the opposite. Be yourself and unapologetically so! Coz the last thing you owe a guy (even one you want to fall in love with you) is an apology for being you and those attempts at changing the essential you, that you’d inevitably regret later!
4. Using the attraction principle
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Here is where those avalanche of advice sections splattered across every second relationship forum come into play. Dress it up, be confident, make it mysterious and sexxxyyy, give him a taste of the sensual, and get his adrenaline pumping! There are ways that throbbing can touch the heartbeats, you know? 😉
The only thing to remember here is that you don’t have to be the most beautiful woman on the planet or the most sultry seductress – nobody is perfect and no man desires perfection. But there is something immensely attractive about a woman who owns her imperfections and does not wallow in her self-doubt and low self-esteem!
5. Flaring up the flirtation
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Flirting is always fun! So flare up those flirty fires and watch him burn with an intense desire to take it to the next level with you.
6. Delving deeper
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It is from this step onward that the journey becomes challenging. You have to realize that in order to sustain his interest in you, you have to be offering him much more than a mere gratification of the senses. You have to reach deep into the depths of who he is and what he wants, to truly be able to ‘touch’ him on more than the physical plane. Taste his dreams, aspirations, and hopes, help him weed out his fears, insecurities, and doubts – give him something that is rare and priceless – the magic of a REAL connection. Gift him the avenues to be truly alive and realize his potential and achieve it. It will mean the world to him.
7. Energizing it in the right places
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After forging a connection that goes deeper than plain attraction, instill energy in the right places. Building a strong and healthy relationship needs a firm foundation that is not founded within the relationship. Yep, you read that right. A healthy relationship blossoms out of two wholesome individuals coming together to build a wholesome relationship. A relationship isn’t meant to root out your fears, validate your existence or even provide meaning to life. Nor is it the path to achieve your dreams. It is a bond of companionship between two people who have found self-love and fulfillment in themselves, before committing to love another. Remember this – so that you do not energize the emotional lacunae in you so as to be enable the relationship to fill it. You have to energize the relationship from without – it cannot come from a self-absorbed source. Invest in the relationship by focusing on giving him your love. And for that, you have to love yourself first!
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8. Loving yourself
Love yourself to be able to love another completely. It is only when you are able to love yourself wholeheartedly and be happy by yourself that you are able to extend the bliss toward another who has also tasted self-love and fulfillment!
9. Knowing the ‘right time’ for everything
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This is the juncture where most women falter. If everything has been smooth sailing until now, there is no reason to sheet the trim or pull too hard for better results! Speeding up the process or jumping the gun isn’t going to get you anywhere. Of course, I do not condone being around forever when he has no desire to commit – but talking about it even before you know if both of you are fully ‘committed’ to the present is to simply set the wrong foundation for the future. There is a right time for ‘everything’ in the relationship – and that does not merely hold for putting a ‘label’ on it (which, according to me, does not hold too much clout anyway) but also for sex, for self-disclosure, for ‘sharing’ parts of you that you have hithertofore kept to your diary or close friends, having them meet your folks, etc. So, use your good judgment and decide upon a ‘good’ time, wisely!
10. Giving him his de facto dope
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Every man has some primary love dope that he values above all else. Find out what gives him the high and supply him with his’ – in plenty! This addiction isn’t all that dangerous!
11. Ensuring a real three-chakra connection
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It is important that you do not miss out on enabling and sustaining a real three-chakra connection (head, heart, and soul) with him, amidst the undeniably powerful ‘high’ of the magic in the connection you have forged.
12. Building it and helping it grow
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This goes for all relationships. Even when it is on its path to becoming one (hopefully!). So, ensure that you are doing your bit to build your connection and providing it the optimal conditions and nurture to grow!
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13. Sustaining it
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And while building a connection might come in easy for many, sustaining the connection (with its rightful intensity) is a different ballgame altogether. This takes hard work. Make sure you are chipping in all the effort required to acknowledge the novelty of the emotion, appreciate it (and him), and keep it!
14. But giving him his space
Yes, amidst all your efforts (which may include texting, calling, meeting, etc.,) do not obsess, do not plot, and do not STRESS! And most importantly, please do not deem yourself ‘entitled’ to all of his time or access to every realm of his life, at least just yet! Breeze through it and give him his space. Gift yourself a breather too – you are a smart, talented, confident woman who is not even off the dating scene yet! Do not be ‘committed’ before you are and even when you do, do not drop off everything and focus your life around him. You are both entitled to your own space – take it and live it!
15. Giving it the right meaning
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The ultimate thing to seal the deal is to let him know what it means to you. You’ve done everything right and it is time you really know where this is heading. If he appreciates the uniqueness and positive influence you have brought in his life and cares for you, he won’t hesitate to make it REAL.
The RESULT however is his CHOICE. Accept it gracefully!
That is the TRUTH about how to make him fall in love with you. What every other portal out there has been feeding you about how to make him fall in love with you is a platter of lies that shall give you an upset stomach, a broken heart, and consequently, a bad appetite for LOVE! Don’t consume it!
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