When we have a past record of falling in and out of love way too often, we tend to question the mere existence of it. Every time we come out of a relationship, we give away a part of us in that process. It can be anything from your compassion to sanity. Too often, after being cheated on or by experiencing a bitter side of love, we are not able to trust our partner. We develop some deeply rooted trust issues which not only ruin our relationship, but make us question our righteousness as well.
If you are not able to trust your partner even after making an effort, chances are that you are having trust issues. It is okay to question your partner sometimes, but doubting their intentions and not having faith in them is definitely not a healthy move. It will never let you cherish your relationship and you might simply move from one relationship to another, without getting what you deserve – happiness. If you think you are having trust issues, implement these thoughtful suggestions and try to make it work.
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1. Identify your issues
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Most of the people who have trust issues find it hard to acknowledge their behavior. Instead of trying to identify their issues, they look for an excuse to dodge the bullet. You need to understand that we all are flawed. Your partner must be going through a journey as well and they could be broken in their own ways. It is okay to doubt yourself every now and then. This is how you are going to overcome your issues. Identifying your issues is a battle half won. Don’t run away from them. Deep within, you know where your issues lie. Acknowledge them.
2. Discover the cause
You have already taken a significant step by comprehending your issues. Not everyone in this world is strong enough to accept their flaws. Instead of fighting your trust issues, try to identify their cause. What is that one thing which triggered your behavior in the beginning? Was it a partner who cheated on you or a friend who let you down? Too often, as we grow up, we repeat the initial relationship we had with our parents – even with our partner.
If you had a rough childhood, chances are that you might find it hard to trust others. Reveal the root cause of your issues and unlearn everything else in the process. You should make yourself realize that you were a completely different person back then and this is not the same.
3. Take it one step at a time
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The journey won’t be that easy. You would be frustrated and agitated at times. You would like to take a step back in your relationship and chances are that you might start doubting your intentions. It is completely fine to feel vulnerable at times. You would be on a journey to your past and you might relive some unpleasant moments in between. Take as much time as you want. Rome wasn’t built in a day, right? You can’t expect a sudden change in your behavior as well. Give it some time.
4. Think from your partner’s perspective
Every time you think of giving up, just have a look at your partner. If you really love them, you would do it. You would overcome your adversities to be with them. They can act as your biggest inspiration and will help you leave no stone unturned. Be honest and speak your mind. Try to analyze the situation from their perspective. No one likes to be with someone who has a baggage. Having trust issues is a big thing as it will never let your partner have the kind of a healthy relationship they always dreamt of. If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for them.
5. Don’t be haunted by the ghost of your past relationships
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This is one of the most common mistakes we do after coming out of a failed relationship. I know this because I wasn’t an exception either. I didn’t give myself enough time to fall back in love. Without healing myself, I left the insecurities that I had from a past relationship to affect my present. Just because someone cheated on you in the past, doesn’t mean that you are bound to have the same fate in every relationship. Don’t judge your partner considering all those things that were done by your ex. You can’t let the ghost of your past relationships haunt your present.
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6. Communicate
You can’t really trust your partner without being true to them. Get to know your significant other a little better by having thoughtful conversations with them. The more you know them, the easier it would get to trust them. You would realize that they are not like anyone else you have dated in the past. If you are lucky, they would be your exception.
7. Don’t be resistant to change
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After facing your issues and identifying its cause, you would be required to change your behavior. I know from a personal experience how hard this phase can be at times. You would be reluctant to change. You would be afraid of it. You would try to convince yourself that there is nothing wrong with you. You should understand that sooner or later, you need to let go of your issues. Sometimes, change can be good. It can help you become a better individual. Sometimes, change is everything.
8. There’s no harm in asking for some help
If you are finding it hard to implement something new, try to talk to your partner. Truth to be told – by now they must have already figured out that you are plagued by deep-seated trust issues. They would love to help you, knowing that you are willing to change. Accept their support and be transparent to them. You might have to share a few things from your past with them. Don’t be afraid or embarrassed.
If you think you need some professional help, there is nothing wrong with seeing a therapist as well. If the rooted cause is related to your family, you can also talk to them and get a closure.
9. Don’t make the same mistakes again
Instead of simply moving from one relationship to another, you should learn something out of it. Whenever you fall out of love, always try to gain something from your experience.
“Why didn’t it work out this time?”
“What could have I done differently to make it work?”
These are the kind of questions you should ask yourself after every breakup. Not only it will help you recover faster, but will let you evolve yourself as well.
10. Have some patience
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Without having some patience, you can’t overcome your trust issues. You would fall into the same pattern over and over again. You would find it hard to change yourself and come out of it. There would be days when your anger and frustration would take a toll on your soul. You would be angry at yourself and your partner. Don’t rush it. It will happen at its own pace. You have to fight a battle with yourself. It is supposed to be tough. Though, you will come out of it as a winner. Have some faith in yourself.
11. Share your secrets
Do it one day at a time. Share some deep rooted secrets with your partner. Exchange all those childhood stories that you were too embarrassed to tell anyone. Let them know how badly you once handled a breakup. Let it all out. This will help you trust your partner in the most effortless way. You would hesitate a little in the beginning, but after a while, it would be the most natural thing. Talk to them every once in awhile and encourage them to be transparent to you as well. Be honest and don’t hide anything from them. They deserve to know you inside out.
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12. Take a leap of faith!
At the end of the day, you need to take a leap of faith and trust them. It might seem the hardest thing to do, but you won’t even realize how quickly it would be over. Have some faith in your partner. They would always be there to catch you and protect you from getting hurt. It might seem a little hard. All the great things in this world are supposed to be tough. You might have to face some adversities along the way, but it would all be worth it.
Overcoming your trust issues can be a herculean task sometimes. Thankfully, you can always take the assistance of your partner and other friends in your journey. You are not supposed to do this on your own. Talk to your significant other about it and be open to an upcoming change. You can’t resist something as inevitable as change for the rest of your life. Trusting someone with the whole of your heart is tough. Love is supposed to be tough, but that is exactly what makes it so special. Take a leap of faith. You might not get where you want to be. But you will always land where you deserve – and that is quite spectacular in itself.
Featured image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
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