How To Get Your Husband Back After A Separation

by Deepika Singhania · September 10, 2015

It’s happening to you. One of your worst fears is coming true: you’re getting a separation and all you can think of is how to get your husband back. Your heart still skips a beat every time you look at him, and all you want to do is put everything behind and just run into his arms.

This time is incredibly confusing for you. You want him so badly, but he broke your heart. His infidelity or lapse of judgment or whatever else it may have been betrayed your trust, tainting all of those shared moments that you shared together.

Women generally leave when they’ve stopped loving their husbands. But in your case, you still love him and he’s the one who is probably leaving. You both didn’t fall out of love; something in the marriage just changed. Now, before you get all teary-eyed and start to think about how to get your husband back, you need to understand why he left in the first place.

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He might be leaving because he thinks he’ll lose out on something else if he continues to be in the relationship. Maybe he feels that you don’t love him enough or that you are taking away his personal space. Whichever it is, he’s starting to not value you like he used to. He will not be ready to make the compromises a relationship needs, only because he doesn’t value the marriage anymore.

Moving forward, you need to make him value you and the marriage that you share again. Telling him how much you love him will not do anything. While that is important, how to win your husband back is a different game play altogether.

Here is how to get your husband back after separation.

1. Apologize

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Even if he was the one who was cheating on you, apologizing can go a long way. No, it’s not making you lose your self-respect; it’s just making him see that you’re letting go of your ego to try and save your relationship. It could be a general apology on how it’s your fault because you didn’t give him enough time or because you were too busy with the children or your career. That does not mean that you tell him what he did was okay. Don’t ever let him feel like you’re backing down just to get him back. He’ll just lose all the respect that he has for you. Apologize to make him feel that you agree that you were partially at fault too.

2. Don’t overdo the niceness

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You’re cooking him his favorite meals, surprising him with tickets to a game he wanted to go to, or showering him with unnecessary gifts. You’re seducing him and giving him sex when he needs and doing everything you can think of to make him happy. You want to show him how much you care about him and how badly you want things to go back to the way they were.

Don’t go overboard though. All of this may be in vain because he doesn’t value any of it right now. You overdoing it will only make him think that you’re doing those things only to get him back. By all means be a caring spouse, though in natural way that is in moderation.

3. Don’t tell him what to do

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You might have nagged him and told him how to live his life before, but you can’t do it right now. Let him live his life peacefully. If he wants to go drinking with his colleagues, don’t question him. If he wants to start looking for a place of his own, just let him. Give him that space until he realizes that you’re not bothering him. Keep the questions limited from your end. If you respect his space and give him time to process what he has done, he may open up to you eventually. Just make sure that he doesn’t take this as a sign that he can boss you around in the meantime.

4. Don’t get desperate

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Don’t get all teary-eyed and start begging him to come back to you whenever you see him. If you think your tears will lure him to you, you’re mistaken. These signs of desperation will just send him in the opposite direction. He’s gone past the point where he thinks that he can make the marriage work. The main reason he’s leaving you is because he wants to live without you. Pleading him to stay will only make you seem clingy and serve to validate this opinion.

5. Connect and communicate

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If you can keep your begging and pleading under control, start talking to him normally. Don’t jump to flirting with him; instead, just initiate normal and nice conversations with him. Do not try everything at once; just take your time and talk. Give him space to believe that he can talk to you without feeling the pressure of romance or apologies. Once he can do that, he’ll begin to enjoy talking to you and eventually realize that he actually does want to try making the relationship work.

6. Keep those emotions in check

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You manage to not plead him to stay, but your emotions are still out of control. You’re having really long conversations with him about anything and everything, maybe even reminiscing about the good old times, while all the while you’re dying to know what he feels like about the relationship. You can’t help yourself, so you start digging in and cross-examining his feelings non-stop. This is going to scare him away and chase away any possibility of you ever getting your husband back. Leave his feelings be and take care of yours instead.

7. Re-establish the relationship

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If you’re thinking of how to get your husband back, you need to re-instil normalcy in the relationship. Get into your comfort zone with him and start over as friends. Catch up and talk about everything else that has been happening since the separation. Try and indulge in hobbies or fun activities that both of you like. Maybe you can take up a dance class together or travel, if that’s what you both like doing. Just don’t get too comfortable too soon. Take it slow and easy.

8. Do a reality check

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Keep your goals realistic. Expecting that everything will be perfect like it was before the separation will leave you devastated. Your relationship has seen some crazy downs already, so you need to let things go smoothly. Instead of hoping that he’ll love you like before, work towards how both of you can get your relationship right this time around. You’ll have to discuss with your partner and understand his expectations so that you both are on the same page. When it’s all out in the open, improving on your relationship becomes much easier.

9. Don’t forget to love yourself

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In all of this drama, your emotions are going to be thrown around all over the place and you’re going to be at your most vulnerable. You’re going to feel like everything is down in the dumps and that there’s never going to be a time when you can be happy again. This is when you’ll have to put your foot down and refuse to let all of it bring you down. You still love him and you want him back, yes; but throughout all of it, don’t forget that no one and nothing will be able to help you if you forget to love yourself.

10. Practice patience

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This is one of the most important things that you need to keep in mind while reconciling with your husband. It’s the part that everybody hate, but giving your relationship time to grow is of utmost importance. You can’t expect it to happen after one long conversation or after a week of staying together. If you want to genuinely feel that this marriage is worth all of the effort you’re putting in and make him feel the same, you both will have to have patience. Loads of it. Remember the pace of your relationship when you first started dating him. It took time to figure it all out then, and it’s going to be the same now as well. Be patient, and give it the time it needs.

Suggested read: 35 brutal truths about being a good wife

With all of that said, marriages are tricky affairs. You can’t always expect everything to be perfect in one shot.Relationships take time to build. They need a lot of work and rework from both people involved. The bad times will come, they always do. But the good news is that there is always hope. You can turn things around and get the best out of it. Keep these tips in mind when going through a tough separation, and you will be that much more prepared to endure the long, worthwhile process of healing your marriage. Anything is possible with diligence and patience!

Good luck!

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