My best friend’s parents are complete lovebirds and the epitome a true fairy tale and love story. Last year marked their 30th wedding anniversary, and they’re as happy today as they were the day they married. They threw a party and invited family and close friends to attend. One of the most memorable moments of the evening occurred when my best friend’s dad gave a speech and talked about being married and his feelings for his lovely wife. He nearly brought tears to everyone’s eyes when he spoke of the moment they met and how he knew she was ‘the one.’ He went on to say that he was so lucky to have found his wife, best friend, and soul mate all on the first try.
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This is a rare but beautiful love story. Unfortunately, most of the rest of us haven’t been so lucky. Maybe you’re new to the dating scene and have high hopes in finding Mr. or Ms. Right, and running off together. In another instance, maybe you’ve been dating and had several relationships, but have yet to feel a deep and intimate connection that you couldn’t live without. In yet another instance, you’re ready to give up dating altogether because you keep attracting the wrong type. Whatever the case, my advice is to never give up hope or settle for a relationship just because you’re lonely. I believe that everyone has a soul mate; you just need to be patient and make the most of each day until you find that person.
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There is one other scenario I haven’t talked about yet. It’s an undesirable scenario but it has been a reality for many, including myself. Let’s say that you had ‘the one’ you wanted to spend your life with, and then lost them? Maybe you were too young to appreciate how amazing they were and you broke up with them, or the timing wasn’t right and you parted ways. Worse yet, maybe you were madly in love and they ended the relationship with you. Regardless of what the circumstances were, losing the one you thought was perfect for you is devastating. Getting over the loss of that relationship can be very challenging, and if you don’t find ways to heal and come to terms with it, you may have difficulty moving forward and/or having another healthy relationship.
Getting over the one that got away is not easy. I have some advice to offer from my personal experiences. I have learned to move on and live a more fulfilling life.
Here are five pieces of advice to help you get over this person and get on with your life and all the amazing things to come.
1. Allow time to feel your feelings.
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Time heals everything, or so they say. While you’re in the midst of emotional pain, things do eventually get easier. The best thing you can do for yourself is to give yourself permission and time to feel what you are going through. Trying to ignore your feelings or covering them up with distractions will only prolong the healing process and keep you in an emotional state of distress. It’s best to face your feelings head on and work to understand how you feel and why.
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2. Be patient with yourself.
Getting over the one that got away can be a long and tedious process. We tend to beat ourselves up if we find that we still think of or miss that person even months or years later. Give yourself a break already! Recognize that you are human and have frailties just like everyone else. You opened your heart to this person only to be hurt in the end. Of course you are going to miss that person and think of them on occasion, but getting upset at yourself because you should be over it by now is counterproductive. Make a pact that you are going to be kind to yourself and be patient when you find your mind wandering and wondering about that person and/or the circumstances that lead to the loss or breakup.
3. Stop living in the past.
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Many years ago, I had my own experience with the one that got away. Dealing with the loss was devastating, and I spent much of my time and energy living in the past and replaying conversations and events that took place. I thought about how the outcome may have been different if I had done or said certain things. After months of therapy, I finally saw how detrimental overanalyzing about the past was. All of the shoulda, coulda woulda thoughts were a giant waste of time, and were holding me back from enjoying the present moment and looking towards my future. Eventually, I learned to focus on the present, live for today, and look forward to the future.
4. Embrace self-love and self-care.
In times of emotional pain and suffering, you need to surround yourself with loving and supportive people. It’s also important to be your own best friend and do things that build you up emotionally and yield positive energy. I found that spending time with my best friend was very therapeutic, as was going to the gym regularly. In addition, one of the biggest acts of self-care for me was starting my blog and relationship coaching business. I found it very therapeutic to write about ways to practice self-love and self-care in order to have more fulfilling relationships.
5. There are others out there.
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I hated listening to people tell me that there are ‘other fish in the sea.’ The man of my dreams had just left me and I was devastated. The last thing I wanted to hear was a ridiculous cliché that was overused to the point of death! At the time, I thought my life was over and I would have a permanent void in my life that he once filled. Slowly, over time, I saw him in a different light and I realized that he wasn’t right for me. After all, he didn’t value who I was and all of the amazing qualities I had to offer. I finally recognized that I was better off without him. I am now with a man who values me and understands me the way I deserve to.
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Getting over the one that got away can be very challenging. If you’re anything like I was, you feel totally alone and feel that you’re the only person who’s ever gone through something this painful. But it gets better.
I hope this article helps you see that you’re not alone and that there is life after this type of loss. In many cases, people become stronger as a result of the experience(s) and go on to live more fulfilling lives. If you are struggling, I hope your find my advice helpful and see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Featured image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
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