These days getting into a relationship just for the heck of it is difficult enough, but maintaining one is a much tougher task that takes up a lot of time and energy. If you think you are unable to handle committed relationships, then marriage is just not the thing for you, and you should think twice before getting into the sacred bond. But once you have firmly decided to get married, then just by dreaming of “happily ever afters” is not going to help. You really need to work hard to strike the perfect balance between the needs and aspirations of you and your partner. Remember, no one is perfect, and no relationship is perfect either. So if you want your significant other to feel comfortable with you irrespective of your shortcomings, you should grant them the same privilege.
Suggested read: Top 10 reasons why married couples fight
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Every relationship goes through a series of ups and downs, and it is fairly normal for a person to feel insecure and frustrated during those difficult times. But however difficult the situation might be, if two people inherently like each other, they will still be able to make amends. Here is how to sort out problems between yourselves before tying yourselves up in knots.
1. Let go of unwanted emotions
Before you get started with mending your relationship, you should be able to let go of your ego and other unwanted emotions – only then would you be able to stop the unending argument and actually sort out the mess.
Suggested read: 13 questions the person you plan to marry should definitely answer
2. Divide and conquer
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Identify that there are separate issues at work, and it’s never about one particular issue. For example, if you are mad at your husband for not fixing the light bulb while you were out buying groceries, then there are two things at play – you are angry because he didn’t complete the task assigned to him, and the bulb needs to be fixed. It is important to prioritize your problems and deal with them separately. Heck, we do that in most other areas of our life, so why not in relationships? Before you enter into an energy-consuming argument with your partner, ask yourself if you are really someone so irrational and illogical that you have to make productive discussions difficult and arduous.
3. Calm yourself before dealing with the issue
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Once the emotions and the situation have been identified, you should deal with the emotions first. Basically, you should “chill out.” Before talking to your partner, make sure that your emotions are in control. Saying “I need to listen to some music, and we will talk later,” is way better than an offhand, “Whatever.”
4. Collaboration is the key
Once you have dealt with your emotions properly, you should move on to dealing with the situation. Take a patient, collaborative approach to solve the problem at hand. This would help you understand who was at fault and make sure that it will not be repeated. Useless bickering and unnecessary arguments will make things even worse, and I am sure you don’t want that to happen. After all, you still love your spouse and want to be happy with them, don’t you?
5. No blame game, please!
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Shifting the blame entirely on the other person is not right if you want your relationship to work. You should have the courage to own up to your part in the conflict. According to Melody Brooke, a licensed marriage and family therapist, the two things that instantly stop an intense fight are admitting your mistakes and empathizing with your partner. You do not want to be an egomaniac; strive to be an extremely understanding person who understands your partner’s vulnerabilities. Owning up to your own wrongdoings may be really difficult in that instant, but dealing with a failed relationship is much harder in the long run.
6. Make humor while the fight rages!
Create a humorous situation in between fights. Make a funny, witty statement that forces your significant other to pause for a bit and smile, albeit reluctantly. This would help in diffusing the tension and give you both a breather from the fight. For instance, while fighting, you can play a funny song that aptly describes your situation, and let the other person take time to digest the situation that has suddenly turned hilarious. A sense of humor always helps in relationships, even when you’re fighting.
7. Time your arguments
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Always remember what’s important for marriage, and as insane as it might sound, time your arguments. So while you are having an argument about why the house has been left dirty, with both sides defending themselves with the lamest of excuses, take a break and think what is really important for your marriage. If you stop the argument right then and there, there is a huge possibility that you might forget about it soon enough and things would be back to normal. But if you drag the argument further, you will end up saying nasty things to each other, which you might both regret, and would possibly spell out doom for your relationship. So, before making a small argument an ego issue and blowing it out of proportion, find out what is it you really want – a blissful relationship or a permanent separation.
Being in a relationship and getting married to the love of your life is a wonderful thing, but even the most loving and affectionate couples have their nasty arguments and unhealthy fights from time to time. But the entire point is to be loving and mature enough to not let such occasional unwanted incidents jeopardize your entire relationship. Because if you love them, then trust me, nothing else matters.
Featured image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
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