A relationship is never smooth sailing. No matter how happy you think you and your partner are, it impossible for two people to exist with each other without any form of disagreement whatsoever. This is completely normal since as individuals, you have the ability to think on your own and have different opinions, which may not match with your partner’s on occasion. However, apart from these small arguments and misunderstands, there are some greater demons, such as mind games in relationships, which could signal the death-knell for a relationship.
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Mind games in relationships are nothing but a way to manipulate your partner and lead them into a false sense of security. This is because you are behaving in a certain way, and making them believe that you are feeling something, when in fact, you mean something exactly opposite. This kind if behavior can be extremely toxic for a relationship.
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Mind games can have an adverse effect, not only on the relationship, but also on the people involved. When you are in love, or dating someone, you should be elated, comfortable and in love. Instead, if you or your partner is playing mind games on each other, then you are constantly on edge and you are constantly trying to figure out why you don’t have a perfect relationship, which just leads to more anxiety.
Why Do People Play Mind Games?
We have established that playing mind games is not a good thing. Everyone knows that. But if they know that, then why do they do it? What is the reason behind purposely putting someone through the pressures that this kind of manipulative behavior inevitably brings on?
There can be countless reasons why people do this, because it is after all, a psychological condition. You never know what triggers people to playing with the emotions of their partners. Here are some reasons that might be able to explain why this is such a common practice in relationships.
1. To manipulate their partners
Sometimes, people who have latent issues may use mind games to manipulate their partners to get what they want. These unfulfilled needs might include things like physical intimacy, wanting constant validation, filling an emotional void in their lives, maintaining their status quo, needing someone to constantly boost their ego, remaining the dominant partner in any relationship, etc.
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2. They enjoy it
Another possible reason why people play mind games is that they enjoy it. This might sound sadistic, but it is surprisingly common. You might find your partner acting extremely loving and attached for a few days, and then become cold and distant suddenly, without any apparent explanation. This might be a test to see whether you are able to love them under all circumstances, or whether there is anything you would do as a reaction. They derive a sort of thrill from knowing that they are able to affect people they love this much, which might be sadistic, but it is realistic nonetheless.
3. To test your real feelings
Most of the time it is seen that people who play mind games suffer from some sort of psychological issues themselves. Most of the time, it is things like insecurity, anxiety, abandonment issues, depression, anger issues, etc. Your partner may be playing mind games on you to test how you really feel about them; to see how far they can push you and how you react to their behavior in unusual circumstances.
Examples of Mind Games
These were some of the main reasons why people play mind games. It is never a good thing to push your partner, in order to satisfy yourself, but it is something that unfortunately a lot of people indulge in. Now let us see what kind of mind games we are actually talking about.
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Mind games are not harmful, or damaging, or abusive per se, but they can have a deep emotional impact on the person who is on the receiving end. It makes people distrustful and causes a lot of other problems, which we shall be discussing a little later. Before I can tell you about the best way to deal with a situation like this, it is important to recognize some signs of mind games that people play on each other in relationships.
- They avoid you and ignore you in front of their friends
- Everything you do is their choice and their decision
- They sulk or cry or become aggressive when things don’t go their way
- They guilt-trip you into doing things by telling you that you owe them something
- They act extremely possessive about their personal belongings, for example, their cell phone
- Physical intimacy happens when they want it and how they want it
- They make you feel insecure
- They use your insecurities against you in arguments
- They make empty promises
- They are only nice to you when they need something
- They take you for granted and assume you will be there through everything
- They are passive aggressive
- They don’t tell you things, even if it is harmless
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Effect of Mind Games on Relationships
We have established amply well that playing mind games can never have a positive outcome. However, behavior like this is more damaging than you think. if you or your partner are indulging in any one or more actions from the above list, or finding other ways to play mind games with each other, then you also need to know about the effect it can have in your relationship, and on yourself as well.
1. It kills communication
Playing mind games is a way of being dishonest, so when you are doing it, you are essentially denying yourself and your partner a plain, simple, honest conversation. It complicates matters to a great extent because you are constantly paranoid.
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2. It increases distance
There is no situation where mind games bring people together. They only drive an irreparable wedge between two people who could have a potentially beautiful and healthy relationship. It makes you distant and wary and the relationship starts to feel like a burden because of all the anxiety that it causes.
3. It increases the risk of cheating
One of the most common ways in which people play mind games is by making the other person feel jealous or insecure, in order to “test” their love for them. This ridiculous notion has serious side effects. It causes people to feel like they are being constantly cheated on, they become jealous of perfectly platonic relationships, they become possessive and paranoid, and it ultimately leads to doing something drastic, like actually cheating on your partner.
Apart from all this, playing mind games in a relationship can cause depression, anxiety, stress, loneliness, and aggression. So how do you deal with something like this? Here are a few tips on dealing with a partner who plays mind games.
How to Deal with a Partner Who Plays Mind Games
Now that you recognize all the signs of when your partner is playing mind games on you, you need to make sure that you do something about it. Here are a few pointers.
1. Don’t think playing mind games with them is the answer
When you understand that your partner is playing mind games on you, your natural reaction might be to play mind games on them to teach them a lesson or subject them to their own strategies. This is the worst possible solution because it only increases insecurities and misunderstandings.
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2. Address the problem outright
One of the best ways to deal with this, is by telling your partner that you know what they are doing, and you are aware of their tricks, and try to understand the real motive behind their behavior. There might be a deep-rooted issue, which can be instigating them to behave this way. When you talk about it outright, there are chances of a possible solution.
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3. Do not get affected
This might seem like a difficult thing to do, but once you recognize that your partner is playing mind games on you, it is imperative that you avoid reacting to them. People play mind games to achieve something, to meet an end, which is more often than not, self-serving. When you stop giving in to their manipulative ways, they themselves start to realize that their techniques are not working and this leaves the situation open for discussion in an open and candid manner.
When you are in a relationship, you should work together to make it better, so that the two of you can grow together as a couple and as individuals. Mind games in relationships only seek to destroy honesty and potential that two people in love might share, which is why you need to tackle the problem head-on, and not give in to it, even though the latter is almost always the easier way out.
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