So, your parents have locked in a date – nah, not for the wedding, the arranged date (they are forward people, you see) – and you are going! Now, how do you nail this arranged date without trying too hard? Your parents have a handy guide:
1. Wear a salwar kameez.
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Or better yet, a saree. God forbid you even think of wearing jeans or a dress (HAW!). After all, we do not want to forget our sanskars now, do we?
2. Wear full sleeves.
Arms are too enticing. Cover them up.
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3. Do not wear makeup.
Haven’t you heard the absolutely spine chilling stories about how men feel cheated when they finally see their girlfriends without makeup? You don’t want him to go through this horror, do you?
4. Make sure you are shorter than your date.
Don’t wear heels. If he is still shorter than you, remove your flats too and bend your knees while walking.
5. Ask him about his sister’s mother-in-law’s cat Pinku.
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This will show him you are interested. Who doesn’t love a woman who does her research thoroughly?
6. But pretend not to remember his name.
You don’t want to seem too interested.
7. Be completely unaware of the social and political scenario of the country.
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Modi? Huh? Who? Men love women who know nothing.
8. Order for both of you. Ignore whatever he says about it.
A man loves a woman who knows food.
9. Do not talk about your ex-boyfriends.
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Don’t let him know that you’ve spoken to boys in the past. You are pure and untouched.
10. Clean your table at the restaurant after you are done having dinner.
You want him to know that you love cleaning and would keep the house clean.
11. Don’t talk about yourself. Even if he asks.
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If he wanted to, he could have stalked you and known everything. It just shows he’s not that interested.
12. Read his mind.
Guess what he is thinking every few minutes; or better, every few seconds. Trust me, he will love a woman who can read his mind (or at least try to).
13. Start crying hysterically when he mentions that his dog passed away when he was 8.
He should know that you are a very empathetic person by nature and that you care for him. Deeply.
14. But remain poker faced when he mentions that his father passed away a few months ago.
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Of course, you are expressive but are also in control of your emotions. Be casual.
15. Show him pictures of your nieces and nephews.
By doing this, you can gauge his reaction and tell how good a father he will be.
16. Decline if he offers you a drink. (How COULD he?)
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Log kya kahenge?!
17. Look into his eyes all the time. ALL. THE. TIME.
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It is considered romantic and he will love it. Do not break eye contact even if you trip over a rock and fall, or step into a pothole.
18. Cower in fear when you see a stray dog or cat.
Be a damsel in distress. It will win you major points, trust me.
19. Casually ask him where he lives.
Take out your notepad and note down his address. For future reference.
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20. Take selfies and ask him to wait while you upload them on Facebook and Twitter.
Doing this shows a healthy level of interest.
21. Do not hold hands.
Forget kissing or hugging. Woh sab shaadi ke baad.
22. Lastly, be yourself.
But not too much.
Next date: wedding date! 😛
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