Hearts are fragile things, just like love. It’s just impossible to not attribute attachment and importance to your loved one, even if you can sense the inevitable heartbreak. Whether we try and force ourselves to get busy just to get it out of our heads, or lie down on the bed trying to sob as an emotional release, we each have our own way to cope with heartbreaks. And in my experience, not one of them is effectively ‘better’ than the rest. While ‘rebounds’ can help certain people with this problem, for many it ends up leaving them feeling more hollow than before. My biggest problem with a rebound is, it’s a short term solution. So ask yourself, is a hasty companionship (romantic or sexual or both) what you really need to fill the void in your life? Or is the problem something else entirely, which we’re trying to bury with random hook-ups? Or are we just destined to feel empty forever?
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There’s not a single answer to any of these questions. It’s really difficult and not so unusual to have problems moving on. In a way, it’s a sign. It’s a sign of you being invested in someone, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It means you cared enough about something to get you down for days, and you shouldn’t beat yourself up over it. You’re a link in a long line of people who’ve been heartbroken, and rest assured you won’t be the last. It takes a lot of strength to get through this, admittedly. Take this as a learning experience, like you should take every bad patch in your life. The first step is one you’ll have to take yourself; accept the situation. No, they’re not coming back. Blow out the tiniest of hopes in your heart of getting them back. Hope can both make and break people. Don’t get on the bad side of hope, and don’t misconstrue my words as those of a hopeless optimist’s. First heart breaks are the worst, you’re left with the feeling of warm lead in your stomach and complete helplessness. This is worsened when you have no one to talk to about it, or if you prefer not to talk to anyone.
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Keeping your emotions cooped up to feel mentally strong won’t do you much good, it could pretty much break you. I’ve been worn down and broken plenty of times, and this happened in the not-so-emotionally-expressive phase of my life. It feels like the end of the world, like a dementor just sucked your soul out from your body, leaving a corpse with dark circles who stays at home and gets addicted to coffee. That’s exactly what I did after my first break-up, made myself a cup of warm coffee at 4 in the morning. No, you’re not a wimp. You most definitely shouldn’t think you’re emotionally weak because you’re heartbroken. You’re so much more than that; don’t lose sight of what lies ahead. The clouds will grow grey and cry for you, and the sun will shine once again. Only mislead pessimists can think nothing good lies ahead, when the reality is quite the opposite. There’s an abundance of good events just waiting for you, only if you can force yourself to stop sulking weeks after the breakup. It’s funny how you don’t really need to be overly optimistic to be a happy person, life is just that good.
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If you think it’s impossible to move on now, give it a year, or even a month or two. You’ll realize the intense nature yet the brevity of your grief, and how all you needed was more time to cope. Ditch the idea of “ I won’t get anyone better”, it’s awfully presumptuous of you and 7 billion people tend to disagree with that. If it didn’t work out, then there were probably a host of reasons it didn’t; and you’re better off without being in a relationship with that person. Learn from your mistakes, and learn to let go.
Featured Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
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