“Summer days will turn cold,
All the leaves fade to gold
The season may change,
But one thing remains,
You are always by my side.”
These lovely words are from the wedding song, ‘By my side.’ The analogy of marriage to changing seasons is very apt, since marriage is constantly evolving, and never remains the same. The way you feel during the first year is nothing like what it was when you were dating, neither will it be the same during the later years. Most relationship experts consider marriage to be made of stages or phases, where the dynamics of the relationship changes as the couple gets to know each other and undergo personality changes themselves.
Of all these stages, the one that is considered the most crucial is the first year. This is when you’ve actually begun your journey together and your decisions are no longer yours alone; they impact another person too. How both of you bond during the first year sets the stage for the coming years. Here are 7 reasons why the first year of marriage is crucial for it to succeed in the long term.
1. You discover previously unknown sides to your spouse’s personality. A human being’s personality is so complex that it isn’t really possible to unearth it all during a lifetime, let alone in a few months of dating.
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You’ll continue to discover new facets of your partner as the years roll by, but probably not as much as during the first year. By looking at it as an adventure and focusing on the positive aspects, you’re setting the stage for a beautiful journey of self-growth and understanding.
2. You realize each other’s sensitive spots. You may have discussed certain basics before tying the knot, and think you know your partner’s strengths and weaknesses inside out. Nothing could be farther than the truth! Many experiences shape a person, especially childhood ones that never really go away. These might result in certain topics that are particularly sensitive for your partner, which might be unexpected for you. By steering clear of those, you’ll have a partner who’ll love and respect you for it.
3. You understand your fighting pattern. No matter how much you avoid controversial topics, there are bound to be misunderstandings that eventually lead to fights.
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This is perfectly normal and even necessary for a healthy marriage. But the way you fight is critical, since once a pattern is established, it’s hard to change it later. Be respectful, stick to the matter at hand, and don’t bring up family or past hurts.
4. Both of your crisis management becomes evident. During the first year, you might have to deal with some kind of crisis, which might be as early as during the honeymoon! How a person deals with a crisis says a lot about their personality, and both of you might be in for some surprises here. A situation like this will give you a good idea about who’s better at taking the lead in similar circumstances in the future so that you can tide over the crisis with minimum resistance and better understanding.
5. It’s easier to remember why you got hitched in the first place. For couples who fight a few years into their marriage, they might get so involved in the current misunderstanding that they forget that they were once in love.
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But for those still in their first year, that memory is not too far away, and it’s easier to see the person you fell in love with. Embedding that memory in your mind goes a long way in helping you keep your eye on the big picture rather than minor everyday slights.
6. You’re now a family all by yourselves. Prior to getting married, ‘family’ always referred to your parents, siblings or grandparents etc. But after marriage, you’re not just a couple, you’re family. And you are likely to add more members to this as time passes. The first year of marriage is the foundation for this feeling that you belong with each other and are the base of a new family structure. The first year is the time to strengthen this base, so that welcoming new members will be easier and will not take a toll on the foundational relationship.
7. You’re each other’s ‘person.’ In the TV show, ‘Grey’s Anatomy,’ Meredith and Christina refer to each other as their ‘person,’ the one they’ll call if they need to bury a dead body. While we hope that you never have to deal with that, the principle is relevant to a marriage.
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You are together, literally, for better or worse. The first year of marriage is when that feeling truly sinks in, when the first person you call for anything is your spouse. That is what a marriage is all about, sharing the joys and sorrows of life, no matter how trivial they may be.
Everyone talks about the first year being a honeymoon period when both of you are wearing rose-tinted glasses, but the truth is that it’s different for every couple. Nevertheless, the first year is a tremendous learning opportunity for both of you and sets the tone for how the rest of your life together will be. We’ll end here with these lines from the same song, ‘By My Side’:
“Days may pass into years,
Things we know disappear
We lose and we gain,
But one thing remains,
You are always by my side.”
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