Don’t Chase Love: Things I Learned After Chasing The People Who No Longer Loved Me

by Bhavya Kaushik · November 14, 2018

Sometimes, love is not enough to make someone stay in your life. I know I might sound like a pessimist, but I learned it the hard way. Too often, I find myself chasing after people who no longer want me in their life. I have given my love to those who never really deserved it in the first place. Even after knowing better, I crossed oceans for those who refused to jump puddles for me. The good thing is that I got a reality check and have learned my lesson.

Don’t chase love if you know you are losing yourself in the process. It will change you fundamentally and you might regret it in the long run. If you are still confused and can’t find the right reasons, then you need to learn from the experience of others. Here are some thoughtful life-lessons that I experienced after I stopped chasing others.

Nobody wants to be caught

Here’s the thing – we all are born as free spirits and don’t like to be tamed. Too many times, when we chase others, we end up suffocating them with our presence. Not only can it make things worse, but it can also create an evident distance between the two of you. If they really want you, then they will make an effort to stay in your life.

Some people are not bound to be with anyone. They can’t be tamed, caught, or be confined. It is better to know their intentions right from the start. Try to know them better and check whether you both are on the same page. If the two of you want different things in life, then it is better to maintain some distance.

I’m complete and whole the way I am

It took me a very long time to realize this, but the moment I did – nothing else mattered. After chasing someone who meant the whole world to me for a while, I stopped and asked myself – why do I need someone else’s company to be happy? After all, I’m whole just the way I’m. I don’t need anyone else to define me.

You need to understand that not everyone wants to have a better half. The reason is quite simple – we are not halves. You are complete and you are not missing any piece. Instead of finding your happiness in someone else, try to discover it in yourself. It will be the most liberating experience of your life.

In the process of chasing them, I was running from myself

As I was chasing someone who was no longer in love with me, I dug a little deeper to identify its cause. It was more about me than them. Yes, I wanted them to stay, but I wanted to run away from myself as well. There would come a time in your life when you will ask yourself the same question – are you running towards them or simply running away from yourself?

You need to understand that you can’t run away from your own life. Face the reality and come up with a solution if you are not happy with your present situation. Try to stay put like a warrior and take it one day at a time.

Don’t confuse attraction with love

This is something that happens to a lot of us. There is a fine line between attraction and love to begin with. Sometimes, we chase others only because we are attracted to them and not because we are in love with them. Take a step back and get to know the person first. Do you know who they are and what kind of future they want? How well do you know about their hopes and dreams? Move past their flesh and bones and get to know their soul to know the difference.

It only takes a moment to lose your worth

This is something that I can draw from a personal experience. One day, I was fine and the next morning, I found myself chasing after someone who was no longer in love with me. I was ready to give up my career and the whole life that I created for myself just for that one person. If you are heading on the same path, then I really need you to ask yourself – are they really worth it?

Avoid making any rash decision and don’t get blindfolded by love. If you are losing yourself while making them stay, then it can’t be worth the effort. Remember, there are only a few things that are more important than your self-worth.

It is better to be alone than be with someone who don’t appreciate you

A friend of mine recently told me how his past relationship seemed like a blur. It was like as if he sleepwalked all those months as his partner was not able to acknowledge his presence. A lot of people stay with someone else just because they are afraid to be alone. Trust me, it is better to be on your own than be with someone who can’t notice your presence.

You might bend over backwards just to make them stay, but it won’t be worth it in the long run. Just because you are with someone, it doesn’t mean that it will make you happy. At the end of the day, you should choose happiness – be it with them or without them.

If it is meant to be, it will be

Most importantly, some things in life are just not meant to be. The sooner you learn it, the easier it will be for you to let them go. Don’t chase love. It will find you on its own when the time is right. Be open to the idea of it and stop running after people. If they really love you, then they will stay without any constraint.

Sometimes, the universe has a bigger plan for us than we have for ourselves. It might be the wrong timing or the wrong person altogether. Have some patience and find comfort in the spectacular present. Everything is in the right place. You just need to find your balance.

How to stop chasing those who no longer love you?

To be honest, most of us have been guilty of chasing someone. While letting go of your ego every once in a while is okay, you can’t let go of yourself for someone who don’t love you. Here’s how you can stop chasing love and be happy with what you have.

Have a reality check

First things first – take a step back and have a different perspective. Try to examine the current scenario with a pragmatic point of view so that you can get a reality check. If you think it is hard, then talk to a friend or a family member who can help you clear your mind.

You need to know if the one you are chasing wants to be in your life or not. If it’s really over and you can’t undo things, then it is better to accept the reality. It might seem bitter as of now, but you won’t be able to move on without accepting the facts.

Focus on your passion

There are so many things to do and focus rather than chasing someone else. The best thing you can do right now is work on your passion. It will take off your mind from them and will also let you work on something constructive. You never know – you might excel in something else and take your life in a different direction.

Get to know their flaws

Too often, we idealize people and overlook their flaws. You need to understand that no one is perfect. We all are humans and the one you love would have their own flaws too. If you want to stop chasing someone, then start focusing on their imperfections. There might be some or other thing in them that would turn you off.

Be assertive

It is important to know what you deserve and ask for it. A lot of times, people leave others hanging in an “almost” relationship. Don’t make this mistake and be sure that you get the love that you deserve. If they do not want to be with you, then you should let them go instead of having false hopes for something that might never happen.

Get a closure

Most importantly, if you know the relationship isn’t going anywhere, then it is better to end it in a positive note. Dragging a relationship or simply chasing someone won’t lead you anywhere. In fact, it might make things bitter between the two of you. Don’t chase love and maintain your dignity. Have a thoughtful conversation like adults and choose to let them go. You would be better off without them.

Suggested read: Unrequited Love Is A Pain You Give Yourself

They say it takes 21 days to break a habit. While you don’t have to put a date on it, I would recommend taking it one day at a time. Forgive those who have wronged you in the past in order to have a better tomorrow. If they really wanted to stay, they would have been with you right now. Protect your heart and all the love that you carry in it for someone who really deserves it – for someone who will stay.

Featured image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License

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