Here’s Why Seemingly Content Women Cheat On Their Partners

by Sejal Parikh · August 24, 2015

Okay, time to let the cat out of the bag. And TRUTH be told – why women cheat is a question that defies a singular explanation.

While research has shown that most men two-time for a ‘get-the-job-done-type-sex-on-the-side,’ most women have been observed to stray in the search of an ‘emotional spark’ missing in their current ‘committed relationship/marriage.’ But this does not preclude the possibility that the reasons women cheat are not exclusively a matter of emotional investment. Of course, the statistics seem to confirm that a large part of the answer to the question why women cheat seems to stem from dissatisfying personal relationships, but that does not imply that the lesser figures on the inference sheet are any less telling.

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We aren’t saying it is right or that there is an excuse for it – much less that it’s logical – only that it happens and that ‘cheating/infidelity is always a choice.’ Research has confirmed the presence of a number of reasons why women cheat and here’s your insider-access card to all the answers to why women cheat:

Suggested read: Comprehensive list of reasons why men cheat

1. Lack of emotional investment

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An anthropological study by Helen Fisher has confirmed that this is the leading cause of infidelity among women. Emotional detachment and lack of appreciation in a personal relationship is the topmost reason why women cheat. Women are emotional beings, and as such, crave the attention and compassion of a strong, fulfilling bond. And since we are all humans and have our own thresholds, it is but a matter of time that a lack of emotional investment or ignorance/avoidance, non-acknowledgement, non-appreciation, and detachment on the man’s part push her away and into the arms of another, who can provide her with the same. Again, we aren’t justifying it – only pointing out the human element. Why the ‘sneak around or speak about’ battle always has the ‘sneak around’ faction winning is another discussion altogether – for the woman may not be strong enough to point out the lack, her partner may not acknowledge the lack, there may be a communication gap, there might be strong feelings of attachment on her part, or simply because they may have been together for years, have kids or some other factor that binds them together. But when women feel they are being taken for granted, they may sooner or later find someone who will prove to her otherwise.

2. Negligible/bad sex

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Of course, the transition from ‘little girls are made of sugar and spice and all things nice’ to being confident lasses of the digital age who can ‘walk the walk and talk the talk’ does not seem to sync in with the double standards that still prevail when it comes to a man’s conduct, in relation to polygamous behavior and the very different social code to which a woman is subject – but there is, indeed, a discernible impact that the rising incidence of more and more women getting in touch with their needs, refusing to disavow their presence, and being assertive about them seems to have on personal relationships. More women are in tune with their carnal needs and desire to feel desired. Their need for the big-O may progress from being stuck in the confines of routine twelve-minute jackhammer sessions in their marital bed once a week/month, or worse, a year – to raunchy, wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am sex to a roller coaster ride of steamy sex with someone she feels comfortable with to crank it up by several notches. Needless to say, the secrecy of sneaking around and grabbing quickies as quick snacks sends the adrenaline shooting right through the roof. Again, this is no justification and communication with the partner or a visit to a therapist may be a more harmless option… but… well…

3. The chronic cheating syndrome

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As much as this might sting, a sizeable percentage of the ‘fairer sex’ are endorphin junkies who crave the excitement that comes from discovering, desiring, seducing a new partner, and being desired in return. These habitual/chronic cheaters can do nothing save stave off breakup of an existent relationship which is way past its honeymoon stage, and hence, has become too stale for their liking whilst indulging in another that fills in for the missing thrill in their routine relationship, until they can *feel up* the worthiness and adjudge the new ‘deviation’ worthy enough of dissolving the former bond… or not. Needless to say, the cycle continues.

4. The dependency factor

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With more and more women being financially independent, swimming toward the other fish in the sea isn’t quite a toughie. Contrary to the financial dependence of the earlier times when staying with the ‘provider’ for one’s own sake and that of the kids always meant being in the one-down position, the new age woman has no qualms feeling a sense of entitlement to what she thinks she craves – for the world has taught her to go the ‘no holds barred’ way when it comes to her dreams. Of course, we don’t need to add how this sort of pseudo justification for an act that falls in the ethical grey, especially in relation to a phenomenal stride of liberation and independence for women, is a blatant misuse/abuse of the progress in society but…<sigh>

5. The rut of routine

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Sometimes, everything may be right with the relationship women are in, except that it might have crossed the honeymoon period and hence, may have settled into the boredom that inevitably sinks in with taking the trash out and worrying about bills. But is a ‘free pass’ to the ‘wonderland outside’ instead of rekindling the spark in the bond one has built and sustained until now, the answer? Well, for women who crave the ‘high’ of new-ness, it is. Only here’s the kicker – no relationship is a romcom movie with a jingly soundtrack playing in the background forever and just the sprinkle of ONE strife. It is more watching bad soaps while eating chicken wings and perhaps, farting too. If only this generation learnt that the routine of lazing around and silently scrolling through phones in unison, while chomping on the salad you eat every day, yet again, and sleeping on each other’s shoulder isn’t boring – but LOVE!

6. Feelings of insecurity

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Low self-esteem often ends up pushing humans to act in the direction of validation that comes from an external source. Whether this validation happens in an emotional, sexual or intellectual sense, the thin line between fidelity and cheating gets blurred. Women grappling with insecurity may tend to be drawn toward men who can make them feel they are ‘good enough.’ However, the problem with this reductive reasoning is that these women might already be in relationships with men who love them dearly, yet their own lack of love and respect for their own selves is projected into their equation, rendering them crippled and incapable of accepting their love wholly. This, then, leads to a temporary fix found elsewhere.

7. Revenge

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Being cheated on might be one of the worst feelings ever – when shock, deception, betrayal, breach of trust, hurt, grief, anger, numbness, violation and more hit you with the force of a meteor. And more often than not, it negatively affects the dynamic between partners. But is the next logical step giving the cheater a taste of his own medicine? Well, it may temporarily pull one out of the emotional exhaustion, depletion, and lingering feelings of hurt one may feel whilst also, perhaps, paving the path for a more healthier discussion about prevailing issues in the relationship, or even a fallout for the better, but an eye for an eye would make the whole world blind, right?

8. An opportunistic fling

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Sometimes, cheating happens as a one-off experience where the opportunity to cheat presents itself and the chances of being caught are next to impossible. These are incidental cheating cases and create lingering feelings of guilt after the experience, which diminish as the fear of getting caught subsides and the compensatory incentives in the relationship keep adding up.

9. The poison of comparison

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For some women cheaters, the presence of a man (funny colleague, hot gym instructor, caring friend, or even the sweetest high school sweetheart) may present an irrefutable opportunity to cheat. Usually, the other man is someone whose characteristics make the current partner pale out in comparison, where the ‘if only he were as sweet/funny/caring’ card revs up the initial harmless flirting into more intimate chats that may soon flare up into a full-fledged illicit romance.

10. Temptation

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Sometimes, a man who gives you the eye at the bar or some geeky friend from college who has transformed into a mega hottie and how, can get one’s insides burning with longing. And while most women seem to be strong enough to not bite into the bait, a miniscule amount do tend to succumb to the temptation and go all in to consume the platter! Wrong? Hell YES!

As already mentioned at the outset, cheating is always a choice. And as must be clear by now, a WRONG one. I am not a prude to deny the ‘needs’ that women may advance as justification to cheat, only I believe in something else far more precious – honesty – to oneself and their partner. Your needs might not be wrong, ladies, but your action, totally is. The hurt you cause may sting, burn or kill! Not worth it. Between ‘sneak around’ and ‘speak about’ – choose the latter, always!

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Summary