“A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it.” – John Steinbeck
In most people, the topic of marriage brings extreme views. Some swear that they’re better off without it, while others can’t stop singing praises about how marriage is the best thing to have happened to them. Polarizing views apart, we’ll tell you the truth – marriage is really a little bit of both!
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Of course, as newlyweds, you’re still in the honeymoon stage and seeing the world through your heart-shaped, rose-tinted glasses. Your partner is everything you could ever ask for and everything he does is just adorable. That’s the magic of the initial flush of hormones – everything is so pretty! Of course, you’ve probably heard that this feeling does go away, when you come back from the honeymoon and get back to the grind of daily life.
The problem is when couples let this grind get to them and their relationship. Marriage is meant to help you weather the storms of life and have company in facing troubles as well as in celebrating successes. But things go topsy-turvy when marriage itself becomes the chief source of trouble! In today’s age of instant everything, many young couples aren’t willing to put in the work that marriage requires, and unrealistic expectations results in the situation we mentioned – with marriage becoming the headache itself, rather than being the balm for it.
But obviously, some good timely marriage advice for newlyweds can go a long way in helping them avoid potential pitfalls and set their marriage up for success right from the start. We can almost hear you groan on hearing the word ‘advice’ especially since you’re probably being bombarded with it from all directions! But trust us, we promise you the best marriage advice – the most genuine and well researched tips that are bound to succeed!
Suggested read: 15 eternal marriage rules for a happy marriage
Marriage advice for newlyweds – 10 tips for a happy marriage
1. Marriage isn’t automatic, it needs work
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A lot of people think of marriage as this big climactic event, after which everything falls into a peaceful lull. After the rush of planning the wedding et al, people have a tendency to relax and laze around. Little do they realize that ‘Happily Ever After’ isn’t the end of the story, it’s just the beginning! You can’t just lay around and expect marriage to take care of itself; both of you need to actively work on all aspects of your relationship to ensure that you actually reap the benefits of marriage.
2. Be respectful, and don’t forget your manners
Remember the old adage, ‘familiarity breeds contempt’? Well, truer words have never been spoken, especially about marriage! Once the novelty of being newly married wears off and the rose-tinted glasses are in the trash, you let go of niceties and bring out your inner caveman/cavewoman. This is what leads to the ‘taking for granted’ situation, and trust us, you don’t want to go there! Always remember to say please, thank you, etc., and be respectful of your spouse’s beliefs and opinions, even if you don’t agree with them. If you don’t feel like it, fake it; it’s that important to be nice!
3. Ensure you have honest, open, and regular communication
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Most divorce lawyers say that one of the most common reasons for divorce is a lack of communication and compromise. This isn’t a problem that develops overnight; it is something that builds gradually over the years. That is why it is so important to prevent it from the start. You are going to spend the rest of your lives together; you have to be honest with each other about everything in your lives. And this honesty can be encouraged only if there is an open channel of communication between the two of you where you can talk about anything and everything.
Suggested read: 7 easy tips for effective communication with your partner
4. Ego is a bad word, compromise is not
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Remember how we said a lack of compromise and communication was one of the most common causes of divorce? The main reason behind this is – EGO. ‘To walk around with an ego is a bad thing,’,said Fred Durst, and he could be talking about spouses in a marriage. Ego can stop you from having an objective view and is love’s nemesis in a marriage. Learning to compromise shouldn’t be seen as a failure or defeat, it’s about making the effort to overcome the ‘I’ and think about ‘US.’
5. Accept the fact that you’ll both change
For those newlyweds who were hoping that their spouses would stay the same forever, sorry to disappoint you. And for those who were planning to change their spouses – your spouses will change, but not necessarily in the way you were hoping! One chief commandment of marriage advice for newlyweds is regarding acceptance. You have to accept who your spouse truly is. You have to accept that as time passes and circumstances change, people also change and so will you. This acceptance can be truly liberating as you can finally enjoy each other without any pressure.
6. Keep some mystery alive
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No, this is not marriage advice about sex, although that deserves another post! We’re talking about not getting too familiar with each other. Of course, you have to be honest and share everything, but a few things are better left private. We’re talking about things like keeping the bathroom door closed and keeping private grooming rituals … well, private. This helps to avoid your marriage from falling into the dreaded ‘familiarity rut’ and the little mystery left will keep alive that ‘spark’ that everyone keeps talking about!
7. Always remember that you are a team
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When you’re living with a person who’s grown in entirely different circumstances and had his or her unique life experiences, they learn to cope with situations and do things in their own individualistic way. You have to understand that there is more than one right way to do things and you don’t want to fight over the right way to squeeze toothpaste out of a tube. Basically, you’re a single unit, a team, and you shouldn’t waste time sparring over minor technicalities that create an unnecessary distance between the two of you. Fighting over a common problem will not necessarily solve the problem in question, but it will just go on to create a negative atmosphere and push you apart. All this when in fact, a combined and cooperative effort is much more likely to get the job done with minimum effort and expense.
8. Fight Fair and don’t dig up the past
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No article about advice for newlyweds is complete without mentioning fights. In case you think you’ll be a superhuman couple who constantly agree on everything, we’re sorry to burst your bubble. You will fight, you’re human after all! And it’s not such a bad thing either. Most fights bring out unresolved issues into the open, which is healthy for any relationship. But what’s important to remember is that it’s the way you fight that matters. A common mistake most couples make (and one that you can avoid) is digging up the past. You should obviously learn from the past, but that doesn’t mean that you use your partner’s mistakes against them in vulnerable situations.
Suggested read: Best marriage advice that has stood the test of time
9. Always prioritize each other
Life goes on, and unless you live on an island of your own, you’ll have to deal with parents, in-laws, children, bosses, friends, and so on. But what you need to remember is that whatever happens, your first and foremost priority is each other and that should never change. All the points we mentioned so far are to create an environment in your marriage that reflects this truth – you are each other’s ‘person.’ Spend some time every day with each other, and each other alone, like over your morning coffee. Plan activities together where you don’t talk about bills, handymen, or PTA meetings; just focus on each other, like you’re doing now.
10. Don’t forget to have fun
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All said and done, marriage is not a punishment, it’s a joyride! When both of you actively work on your marriage like we’ve asked you to, you will have the time of your life! No bad situation or unpleasant circumstance can bring you down, because you know you’re going home to the love of your life. A necessary ingredient in every marriage is humor – it completely changes the way you look at things and incredibly lightens your mind. When in doubt, read The Lockhorns!
Marriage advice for newlyweds is different from what one would give a couple married for a while, since you’re just starting out and can avoid the common mistakes most couples make. Of course, like Erma Bombeck says, “Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” Sometimes you have to make your own mistakes to learn, but it’s still okay. That’s what life is and when both of you are learning and growing every day, marriage is going to be everything that you’re dreaming of!
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