10 Nuggets Of Marriage Advice For Men To Salvage Their Relationship

by Fabida Abdulla · May 27, 2015

“Happy is the man who finds a true friend, and far happier is he who finds that true friend in his wife.” – Franz Schubert

Anyone who’s found a good friend in their spouse will attest to the statement above. Most men would love to have such an understanding and reliable partner, but many don’t realize that having such a partner is actually in their hands, and not just a stroke of luck!

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Traditionally, men have been conditioned to demand and receive, while women just give and give without asking. Both situations are far from ideal, and this results in a good deal of tension. Men and women are different in all aspects, and there’s bound to be conflict, but a good understanding on either side can ease things up a lot. Everyone’s willing to dole out marriage advice to women on how to be a good wife, but unfortunately, there’s not as much for men! But we’re here to fill that gap, and we’ve got a genuine, from the heart list of 10 nuggets of marriage advice for men, that’ll apply to men anywhere and everywhere. Read on and you’ll agree with us!

1. Just listen

‘The first duty of love is to listen.’ – Paul Tillich

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When you have books titled, ‘Why Men don’t listen…,’ you know that it’s a universal problem! Speaking of books, in his book, ‘The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People,’ Stephen Covey puts a lot of emphasis on what he calls ‘empathetic listening.’ He claims this to be essential to interpersonal relationships, so one can imagine how important it is to the most personal of them all! Men have this urge to appear like super problem solvers, and thus offer well-intended but unfortunately ill-received advice when their women talk to them. Men need to let go of the need to solve the problem and focus instead on empathetically listening to the way their wife is talking, how the issue has hurt her, and how she’s feeling right now. Just listen – can it get simpler than that?

2. Don’t ignore or stonewall your spouse

‘We ignore so much and so we become ignore-ant.’ – David Icke

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There’s the fact about men not listening and offering solutions, and then there’s the one about men actually ignoring their spouses! Rude as it sounds, a lot of men completely clam up and act deaf when their wives are speaking. John Gottman, a famous psychologist specializing in marriage and relationships, has conducted research showing that stonewalling is the ‘second behavior that predicts divorce with 90% accuracy.’ He goes so far as to say that it is a ‘male’ thing. If you ask men, there are usually two main reasons for this kind of ‘stone-walling.’ One is when they’re uncomfortable with the topic, possibly because it’s a serious one, and they don’t have any solutions to offer. The second is when they’re just tired of hearing their wives nag and want to shut them out. In the first case, denial is not an option and putting off an important conversation doesn’t help since you will have to deal with it sooner or later. In the latter case, if you want your wife to stop nagging, you should probably stop doing whatever is causing the nagging in the first place!

3. Be an active participant

“Marriage is the highest state of friendship. If happy, it lessens our cares by dividing them, at the same time that it doubles our pleasures by mutual participation.” – Samuel Richardson

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There are many families in which the man comes home after work and expects to be treated as a guest. He sits on the couch, watches TV, and expects to be served refreshments and left alone to relax. Needless to say, this arrangement puts a super human load on the wife, left to deal with the messy back end of running the home. There is a certain cultural factor that makes men passive participants in a family, beyond providing financial support. If you’re one of them, we can say with absolute certainty that your wife is not happy about it! Since women often don’t talk up till they reach exploding point, it’s best that men accept their responsibility and be a true partner in managing the family.

Suggested read: 15 eternal rules for a happy marriage

4. Make together time important

“Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart.” – Marcus Aurelius

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There’s no article on marriage advice for men that’ll not advocate a ‘date night’ or some ‘couple time.’ This is great relationship advice and certainly one that must be heeded. There’s just a little problem here: most of the time, it’s the women who organize these date nights, and their partners just join in. It’s like he’s saying, “Couple time? Okay, if that’s what you want, let’s do it. Just let me know when everything’s set up.” Well, a grudging presence at a restaurant table is NOT what it’s about! Men need to take the initiative to ensure that they get to spend time together with their wives, whether it’s a night out or it’s just 15 minutes over coffee every morning. When men show that together-time is important to them, their wives feel cherished and loved, leading to a much better relationship.

5. Don’t assume her physical needs

“Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.”– Billy Crystal

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Ah, we’re talking about sex, so this should be interesting! If you’ve been anywhere near a magazine stand, you’ll definitely have seen those magazines with bold headlines screaming out how you can ‘hit all her buttons’ or ‘make her go wild.’ Now, it’s always good to get some information from the experts, but nothing can compare to actually understanding your wife’s needs. Sex is not a one-size-fits-all kind of thing! It’s true that all women have similar bodies and body parts, but their desires and fantasies are as different from each other as chalk and cheese. You need to get to know her in and out – trust us, this is among the best marriage advice you’ll get!

6. Involve your wife in all your decisions

“In a happy marriage it is the wife who provides the climate, the husband the landscape.” – Gerald Brenan

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This probably sounds obvious enough, but you’d be surprised at how many things men hide from their wives! Some men hide things because they’re deal breakers like infidelity, some men hide because they don’t want to hear their wives nag (especially when they’re right), and some men hide because they feel their wives might worry. Whatever the reason may be, a man’s wife is the person who shares his bed and board, and she deserves to know everything that’s going on. It’s also a sign of respect when a man asks his wife’s opinions even on matters that don’t directly concern her. Shielding one’s wife from potential bad news like losing a job may seem like the ‘manly’ thing to do, but this is not a good path forward for a relationship between equals.

7. Have realistic expectations

“Expectation is the mother of all frustration.” – Antonio Banderas

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Relationship advice for men, from the hunk himself – Antonio Banderas! Today’s lives are more complicated, and this applies to marriages too. It’s a time of too much information, with everyone sharing on social media, what they had for their post-workout snack! This also includes people who make their married lives look like ‘happily ever afters’ on social media. It is very essential to not get drawn into a pit of unrealistic expectations on seeing images like these and then taking it out on your own spouses! Pop culture and media are especially hard on women, expecting them to be perfect wives, mothers, and homemakers, while looking ‘hot’ all the while. Projecting these expectations on your own women will not make for a peaceful marriage. It’s very important to maintain a sense of reality and not let these images get to one’s head!

8. Make her your highest priority

“A real man loves his wife, and places his family as the most important thing in life.” – Frank Abagnale

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Once a man marries, he begins a family of his own, which obviously will take up more of his time and effort than his birth family. And considering that the person who will help him take this family forward is his partner, his wife, she deserves his time the most. Men need to remember that she comes above everything else, money, work, career, even the kids. Ever heard of the saying that the best thing a man can do for his kids is to love their mother? When the kids have flown the nest and the retirement party is over, it’ll just be the two of you and you should ideally look forward to a time like that; not dread it!

9. Acknowledge her dreams

“Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly.” – Langston Hughes

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Men sometimes forget that their wives didn’t just land on earth wearing an apron and carrying a ladle! They had a childhood filled with dreams too, and ambitions and passions as they grew into adulthood. There are just too many women out there who sacrifice their dreams and aspirations at the altar of marriage and family. And their husbands let them. By following our little nuggets of marriage advice for men as mentioned above, a wife would have the mind, space, and time to follow her dreams as well as support her husband’s. When both spouses are leading happy, fulfilled lives on their own, they are much more likely to be in sync and have a beautiful relationship.

10. Respect her family

“Respect is what we owe; love, what we give.” – Philip James Bailey

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You often hear that spouses should respect each other, but it doesn’t really end there. When you marry, you are now bonded to another family, not just a person. It’s quite possible that you don’t agree with their views or find them too different. While it isn’t necessary to fall in love with your wife’s family from Day 1, you do owe them due respect, since after all, they’re now your family too! We agree that there are just too many mother-in-law jokes out there that this seems impossible, but we assure you it isn’t! If you’re able to treat your wife’s folks well regardless of the way they treat you, you’ll be making a huge long term investment in your relationship with your wife.

It is true that men’s brains and women’s brains are wired differently, and this difference manifests itself in the way we conduct our relationships with the opposite sex. But this is no reason that one cannot have a successful and loving marriage, where both spouses look forward to spending time together every day. As you can see, by ignoring cultural conditioning and digging into our innate goodness, men can take the initiative to lead happy and stress-free lives with their spouses.

As John Florio says, “A good husband makes a good wife.”

Featured image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License

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