Loving someone is a complicated thing. It doesn’t work in binary logic and usually comes in waves. When we are in a committed relationship with someone, we give them our heart and soul. Nevertheless, we all get tempted to be with someone else every now and then. Even if you are in a serious monogamous relationship, you might think of being with someone else. Trust me, having thoughts about cheating is quite normal and it happens with most of us.
Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
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Having the thought of being with someone else and committing adultery are two different things. Just because a thought crossed your mind, it doesn’t mean that you are a bad person or that you have already crossed the forbidden line in your relationship. Nevertheless, it is important to identify its cause and work on your relationship’s foundation. Consider this as an alarming sign and work on what matters the most to you – your relationship. To help you do the same, I have listed some thoughtful ways to handle this situation.
- Resist the temptation
Needless to say, you should simply take a step back and pause whenever you get thoughts about cheating. Remind yourself of your partner and how much they mean to you. Yes, it is quite normal to have the thoughts of infidelity at times and being attracted to people around us. Just because you are in a relationship with someone, it doesn’t mean that you can’t get attracted to people. After all, it is a basic human trait.
Though, you need to understand that there is an extreme line between having these thoughts and following the respective actions. Acknowledge your thoughts, but don’t take any definite steps to lead them. If you are attracted to a stranger, then simply walk away. If someone is trying to flirt with you, then let them know that you are taken.
There is a reason why people wear wedding rings, anniversary bands, matching lockets, and other pieces of jewelry. They act as a constant reminder of our partner and will make sure that we always think of them no matter where we are. Keep their photo in your wallet or set their picture as your phone’s wallpaper if you have to. This will act as a constant reminder of your relationship and will help you automatically resist the temptation.
- Be aware of the consequences
Every time you get attracted to someone and have the thoughts of infidelity, think of what it will do to your partner and the overall consequences of that event. If you have been together with your significant other for a while, then this action might cause a domino effect in your life. You might end up losing not only your partner, but a huge chunk of your life.
Ask yourself – are you willing to give it all just to have something temporary and meaningless. A lot of people fall into temptation because they think that nobody else will come to know about it. Well, others might not know, but you would always have to carry the weight of adultery on your shoulders. To be honest, you would never be able to look at your partner with the same sense of honesty anymore.
If you are having constant thoughts of infidelity, then I want you to imagine the scenario in your head. What major changes will it bring to your life? Write down all the drastic consequences and keep that list handy as a reminder of what is there at the stake.
- Look for a pattern
This is something I can say from a personal experience. Every time I have a fight with my partner or whenever we are giving the “silent” treatment to each other, I often get thoughts about cheating. You might also have a pattern of having such thoughts as well.
A while back, I was talking to my friends about it and most of them agreed with me. Some of them have these thoughts when they are out of town on a business trip while some get overly attracted to others when their partner is not around. I would recommend that you should try to identify the pattern as well. In this way, you can take some precautionary measures beforehand and stay away from any temptation.
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- Try to identify the root cause
Once you trace the pattern for having these thoughts, you would also be able to identify the root cause of it. Ideally, there can be all kinds of reasons behind it. For instance, if there is an ongoing clash in your relationship or suppressed feelings, then it can certainly trigger these thoughts.
It has been noticed that people going through a middle-life or existential crises often have the thoughts of trying something new and exciting. There are times when two individuals are not on the same page. For instance, if you are in a serious relationship and you want to take things to the next level, but your partner would like to take it slow instead, then it can cause some unwanted tension in your personal life. It can lead you into temptation and you can find yourself being attracted to others.
A lot of people get attracted to their friends, colleagues, or anyone else who is able to understand them in a deeper level. There are certain things that we can’t share even with our partner. Though, if you have started having a mental bond with someone else, then you might get attracted to them as well. No matter what the root cause is, you can easily overcome it and create a perfect balance in your relationship by taking the right steps.
- Have a conversation with your partner
Okay – this might be a tough thing to do, but it will certainly help the two of you in the long run. Instead of running away from the issue, try to address it with your partner. Have a constructive conversation with them and let them know about your current state of mind.
Be honest, but try to convey your thoughts in such a way that you won’t hurt your partner. It has been noticed that sometimes people react to these things in an unexpected manner. Chances are that your partner might start doubting themselves or the foundation of the relationship.
Try to avoid any conflict and make sure you tell your partner how you have controlled the urge. It would be easier for the two of you to identify the root cause of the problem and work on it by being on the same page.
- Break the monotony
Let’s be honest, it can take a lot of work at times to keep the sparks alive in a relationship. If you and your partner have been together for a long time, then your relationship might get a bit monotonous. When we take our partner for granted, we often get attracted to others as the thought of losing them don’t cross our mind.
If your relationship is going through the same phase, then try to do something new and exciting to break the monotony. For instance, you can try something new in bed or plan a vacation together. If you two are not communicating that often, then make sure that you talk to each other for at least an hour every day without any interruption.
There are also various trust-building exercises that the two of you can do. It will help you gain the lost trust in your relationship in a natural way. Also, the two of you can join a learning program, start running, and do so many fun things together. In this way, you would be able to break the monotony and do new things at the same time.
- Trace back your relationship
This is something that I recommend to every couple who is going through a rough patch. See, there is a reason why the two of you are together and decided to give it a try. To identify this, trace back to the starting of your relationship. Recreate the first few days and the initial stage of your relationship when things were new and exciting.
In this way, you would be able to identify why and how you fell for your significant other. This will automatically diminish your insecurities and the thoughts of infidelity that you are having. You would be able to concentrate on what you have right now and can make the most of your relationship.
- Get professional help
If even after following all the above-mentioned suggestions, you are still strongly attracted to others, then you should consider getting some professional help. There is nothing wrong with seeing a therapist who would be able to provide a personal assistance to you. You can either visit an expert alone or go with your partner for a couple counseling. I would recommend going with your partner as it will help you learn more about the relationship and how it can be fixed by making mutual efforts.
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Getting attracted to others and having the thoughts of infidelity is a human thing. Though, you should not overlook this problem and take the needed steps to work on it instead. Go ahead and try to follow some of these suggestions to attain a balance in your relationship. I’m sure you can resist the temptation and attain a perfect sync with your partner in no time.
Featured image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
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