When you’ve been badly hurt in a relationship, it could take a long time to move on from it. You put your heart and soul into the relationship, but got burned. Your heart got stomped on, and it’s no wonder that you’re hesitant and reluctant to get back in another relationship. You’re afraid to get hurt again, getting your heart broken again.
Whatever your friends and family might suggest, you need to take all the time you need to get over your heartbreak, mend your broken heart, and only then think of another relationship. You might think that a new person might help you forget your pain, that they might mend your broken heart, that they might heal you. You couldn’t be more wrong. You’re just putting off the inevitable; just prolonging the mending process.
Mending your broken heart should be your number one priority before you start something new with another person. You are responsible for your own happiness, so you can’t put pressure on this new person to heal you. It’s not a healthy start to a new relationship, is it?
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Am I ready for a relationship?
Before you think on this question, you need to discover a few things about yourself and your emotional state to figure out if you’re even ready for a new relationship at this point in time. Take all the time you need to decide if it’s the right thing for you. Here are a few questions you need to ask yourself before determining if you’re ready to jump into another relationship.
1. Am I over my ex?
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This seems like an obvious question, but you’d be surprised by how many people balk at answering this. Usually, you try not to think about your ex who may or may not have hurt you. Also, you’d prefer to keep your feelings to yourself, without broadcasting it to your friends and family. However, if you’re really looking to get into a relationship, then you must dissect your emotions and feelings, and see if you’re truly over your ex. Remember, you can’t start a new relationship when you’re still nursing a broken heart over your ex.
2. What went wrong in my last relationship?
Yes, you’ve got your heart broken from your last relationship. No, I’m not saying it was totally your fault. However, as important as it is to mend your broken heart, it’s equally important to learn what exactly went wrong in that last relationship. You need to contemplate on the when and where and how of what went wrong in your previous relationship, and you may not like it, but this exercise helps you learn things about yourself and your behavior when you’re in a relationship. If you don’t know what went wrong and where, then you need more time to figure it out to avoid making the same mistakes in your future relationships.
3. Do I do things for myself?
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This might seem like a strange question to ask yourself, but if you think about it for a minute, you’ll understand how important this is. Do you take care of yourself, eat healthy, exercise, pursue an interest/passion/hobby? Do you know how to make yourself happy and keep yourself entertained when you’re alone? If you answered in the negative, then you’re probably not ready for a relationship. How can you expect to make another person happy, when you don’t know how to make yourself happy?
4. Am I just bored?
Many people mistakenly think that being in a relationship is a cure for boredom, that it’s the best way to keep themselves entertained. Newsflash, playing with another human being and their emotions should never be your entertainment. If you do think so, then you’re the worst kind of human being there is! Do some soul-searching to find out if you’re bored with your life and that’s why you’re looking for another relationship, or you genuinely want to spend time with another human being, getting to know them, and build something meaningful and lasting. If it’s the former, then don’t, at any cost, get into relationship, because you don’t have any right to play with another person’s emotions and feelings.
5. Do I have any interests/hobbies/passions?
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Interests, hobbies, passions – whatever you want to call it – are vital for a person to be happy and add dimension to their personality. (And no, surfing the web isn’t a hobby.) If you’ve figured out that you don’t have a hobby or an interest that makes you feel alive and that gives you pleasure, then you might want to think about getting one. You need to have something that completely and totally immerses you before trying to capture another person’s interest.
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6. Am I happy by myself?
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Are you happy with your life, the way it is, the way you are, right this moment? Do you know how to make yourself happy? Or what even makes you happy? If your answer is a no, then you’d better know how to be happy by yourself before you seek it with and from another person.
7. Am I looking for someone to make me happy?
Do you think if you just had someone in your life, you’d be happy? Is that the main reason you’re looking to get into a relationship? If so, then you’re really not in shape to enter a new relationship. This is more of an extension of the previous point. If you answered in the negative to both, then you need to start working on yourself, starting this instant.
8. Am I ready for a relationship or is this a knee-jerk reaction to what happened?
You re-evaluate things in your life when something dramatic happens. It’s just a knee-jerk reaction, which might propel you to think you’re ready to get into a relationship and nurture it. These dramatic events could be anything from an ex getting married, or a friend proposing to their partner, turning a year older and getting ever closer to that dreaded imaginary number, and so on. If any such event is the reason for your urgency to get into a relationship, then you’re clearly not thinking this through rationally, and such decisions can come back to haunt you – sooner than later.
9. Why do I want to be in a relationship at all?
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Do you know why you want to be in a relationship, in the first place? Have you sat down and asked yourself this question? If you haven’t, then now’s the time to do so. Are you doing it just because it’s what is ‘expected of you’? Is it because your peers all seem to have fabulous lives with their respective partners, and you feel left behind? Is it because you think your biological clock is ticking away from you faster than a bullet train? Depending on the answer to this pertinent question, you can know for sure if you’re ready for a relationship or not.
10. Do I have enough time and energy to invest in a relationship?
Where you stand in terms of your commitment to this new relationship you’re embarking on is a valid question to ask yourself. Relationships are no joke, and they take time, energy, and immense effort to make them work. So many relationships bite the dust because one person didn’t have the time needed to invest in the relationship. If you’re someone who is too focused on your career, or personal growth, or something else, then how can you expect to make a relationship work? Ask yourself if you really have the time to spend with someone else, before deciding if you’re really ready for a relationship.
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11. Do I know who I am?
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This is a seriously weighted question, but you need to figure out who you are as an individual, before you embark on a journey with another person. Do you know who you are? What you want out of life and love? What are the things you’re ready to live with? What are the things you just cannot do without? These are vital details to know about yourself before you start something new with another person.
Realizing whether or not you’re ready for a relationship is one of the most important things you could do for yourself. With these questions above, you’ll be in a position to know for sure. It’s okay if you need some more time. It’s better to take your time than to jump into something just for the heck of it, only to regret it sometime down the line. Happy figuring it out!
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