‘A love letter to my husband?,’ I asked, ‘After all this time?’ ‘Yeah, why not,’ said Ana. ‘I penned love letters to my husband for each anniversary and they have made for the most beautiful keepsakes, really. It is amazing how the little things in life can swell your heart with boundless joy!’ and handed down a framed copy of her letter that was placed on her husband’s work station! It took me only ten minutes to read the words on the page but ten hours later, as I tossed and turned in bed, I couldn’t seem to get them out of my head. ‘And you have an enviable double-digit anniversary number too, woman, that’s all the more reason to,’ Ana had said. Having been an avid reader all my life and therefore, a living testimonial to the gripping power of the written word, I wonder how the idea of writing a letter to my husband had evaded me all along. And before the clock struck two, I stole out of bed, my husband fast asleep and pulled out a notepad I had last used in college! I kept writing until the wee hours of the morning and then, crept into bed again because in about another ferris wheel ride of the ticks of the clock, I’d have to wake up hubby dear with his customary kiss!
Suggested read: A letter to my daughter on starting a new life
Ohh by the way, here’s a hush-hush look into the love letter to my husband:
Hey hon,
Fifty years of togetherness!! That’s half a century! Can you believe it? Coz, I sure as heck, can’t … It seems like it was only yesterday when we first met, only yesterday when wherever we went people would ask about the upcoming wedding, only yesterday when we danced our first dance as husband and wife, only yesterday that I had popped out our first kid out of me (she just didn’t want to come out!), and only yesterday that you walked her down the aisle! Well, guess that does make up for the BIG number – or like you keep telling everybody you see – ‘In June, we will have been married 50 years!’ – Swell!
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But today, I do not want to put on a blingy dress, hold a champagne flute, and give polite responses to people who’d annoy me with their ‘any pearls of wisdom’ bulls**t! I want to tell you of things that I have, often in our marriage, forgotten to express.
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Over half a century ago, when you first found me, I was afraid to love. I had just put together the shattered pieces of my heart with a duct tape and wasn’t sure that the rhythmic beat within this make-do arrangement could actually sync in with your pulse. I was worried that the deep love in your ocean-eyes would flood my heart-shore causing all the pieces I had put together to come undone. But it is strange how the small sailboats of love that floated about your love-ocean entered my still lake ever-so-gently, like an artist’s brush kissing the canvas. Slowly, they swam about my waters, creating ripples that loosened the duct tapes off the places where the wounds were healing. What’s more – you found my smile hidden away in the bottom chest of my ocean-floor, under all the precious yet painful memories. You spread them on my lips, turning my frown upside down and I began to crave more of the smiles I hadn’t tasted in a while, except with you! I craved them more than I cared to admit at the time but oftentimes, gave in to my fears again, taking it all out on you. Your patience and kindness forbore my unease and you stayed on, knowing full well that on other instances, I was happy just to lie outside in the cold underneath the stars that I knew blanketed you too!
Suggested read: Dear Future Husband, I’d like you to know this…
Four and a half years later, your hands snaked through the crumpled bedspreads at night and sought me out as I fell asleep, pulling me closer in the dark. That became daily ritual since!
And if only I could say that the challenge ended there – I’d be a little relieved, but no, my innate nature as a ‘difficult’ person carried on onto our marriage bed and outside of it – making me wonder, if at times, you wished to duct tape me or at least my mouth shut for a while! I mean, fifty years is a long time, hon! Seriously – and today, I sure believe you must really LOVE me a LOT to stick by for fifty! 😛
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I know I do not often do this (you know how I am always right, right?) – so, let’s consider this letter as a one-off case and strictly betwixt you and me – coz today, I want to. I want to tell you why I want to skip that golden jubilee celebrations at the local hall and why I am irked at the idea of imparting any ‘pearls of wisdom,’ coz honestly hon, I don’t have any. I know what our marriage has been like, but that doesn’t make me qualified enough to pass down any nuggets of wisdom to others! A marriage is a personal journey, and ours has been exceptionally beautiful. Because of you … more so than me …
I know it isn’t easy to put up with me (although you always deny it and call it as easy as breathing) coz hey, who’d want to put up with the crazy, over-thinking lady whose hyperactive brain has innumerable wires streaming down to her mouth! Again, why don’t you duct tape my mouth, hon? Oh yeah – you love me! I know it isn’t easy to come home after a long day to an incessant stream of the maid’s ridiculous behavior and the dog’s poop-party updates for a welcome! I know it isn’t easy to be reminded a countless times about how to fold towels and also, stinking Toms’ feet. I know it isn’t quite a treat to be made to sit and spend Sunday afternoons arranging the sock drawer, because hey, you messed it up in the first place – and also, not exactly fun to have my hands romp across the arch of your feet, pull your toes, and press in just too deep across your knotted up calf muscles so it’s bad but good – but bad and good, all at once!
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But hon, we have made through that – you, for the most part, and well, a tad bit me too – because you bring the forest down with your snores and washing your dirty underwear isn’t exactly my idea of ‘duty’ and I had to spend SEVEN hours to write a step-by-step manual for you on changing diapers, arranging dishes in the washer, and well – what else – folding a towel! How else would they fit, hon?
And do you know why we made it, hon? Coz our commitment is not just the thick ring set on your finger (which, by the way, feels great against my ear when you tangle your hand through my hair, trying to calm my frayed nerves and over-thinking head), or the one set on mine (with which I press hard against your chest, when you scoop me in your arms and I rest my over-thinking head on your waiting shoulder)! It is the CHOICE we make to love and re-love each other that has made us reach here. In choosing each other for ourselves and in spite of ourselves, we have caused the commitment of those few hours of wine, cake, candles, and flowers to stretch into a lifetime!
Suggested read: Dear future me, don’t be surprised to receive this letter…
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This lifetime, dear husband, has given us so much to be thankful for – love, laughter, joy, and even the stormy sorrows. YOU have made the journey worthwhile, love, and I know coz you still open the car door for me, like you did on our first date, you steal butt grabs when the children aren’t looking, and tease me about how I look when riding a bike! I do the same when I see you dancing with the kids! You bring me coffee to bed (although I highly suspect that’s coz I am a monster without my-morning-cup-of-creamy-delight), and even bring me lilies every Saturday. You never forget to ring me at the dot of 11 when you take a coffee break at work to check in on what I am doing! You make me feel beautiful when you whisper words of love in my ear and surprise me with your gentleness when you make love to my ageing menopausal body! You kiss the marks that are proud badges of bearing our children, and you never forget to remind me of how amazing you think I am. You hold me when I am a blithering mess, an emotional jellyfish – unable to suffer the loss of a loved one or simply upset my favorite character dies – floppy and gasping for air. You bear with my crazy outbursts, some of which are as bad as the pregnancy ones, allowing me to beat my fists onto your chest or even dig my nails into your flesh – listening to my rambling rants of despair and fearlessly braving my fury!
Every night you hold me in the secure clasp of your arms, so I know you will always be with me through the good and the bad, the awesome and the awful, the incredible and the terrible, and you are the only one who knows, by the arch of my brow, how sad or mad I am. Needless to say, you are the only one who has the pill too! Not only that, I can’t even begin to thank you for the zillion little things you have done for me over the years – from walking the dog to sending the kids to school, fixing lunches, and the ironing (coz, arrggghhh … you know I hate it), to even teaching our daughter the periodic table and the French dialogue. You settled our son into drum lessons and are now doing the same for our grandchildren.
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And all this when I am constantly by your side, giving you gentle nudges or rolled eye expressions or even direct rejoinders about how THAT, sweetie (THAT thing you’re doing) isn’t really the right way of doing it. But also some air kisses for all the times you fold a towel just like me! What – I love you too … and you know what I was thinking – for this fiftieth wedding anniversary, I’d give you a lifetime-free pass to fold towels any which way! They work all the same, right!
See – that’s how much I love you! 😉 😛
Jokes aside, I love you hon … I love you very, very much. Thank you for being everything I hoped for, but more so, for being so much more than that …
Your loving wife
P.S. If you could just not keep telling people so much about our anniversary, coz well, they guess at my age. And I don’t think they exactly buy my horsec**p story about you being into smart teen blondes when you yourself were one! Either which way hon, I penned this love letter to my husband really quickly – so I promise the next one would be better – but this is my gift for you, one of quiet admiration and profound gratitude. THANK YOU … and I love you, always!
Featured image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
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