You have tons of articles on the internet which outline what to do once you’re in a relationship. But there are very few that talk about what NOT to do in a relationship.
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So let’s take a look at the things you must NEVER do in a relationship.
1. You stop working toward your relationship
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When you stop putting in effort into your relationship, it goes south, fast. And you do this when you get too comfortable with your partner, feel complacent in your relationship, and you simply stop trying. It starts off relatively small, like you not complimenting them and treating them like they’re special. You stop spending quality time with them. You don’t do anything special for birthdays or anniversaries. In short, you stop putting in time, effort, and thought into making them happy. You even stop trying to impress them like you did in the beginning of the relationship. You stop making them feel good or even show that you love them still. You both are in it together, so you both need to NOT stop trying to make it work. Even if one of you stops trying, it’s only a matter of time before it all comes tumbling down.
2. You take shots at each other
Belittling your partner, insulting them in the form of a joke, taking shots at each other – are all horrible things to do in any relationship. When you have a genuine concern with your partner, talk to them, discuss the issue, air it out. But never, I repeat, NEVER humiliate your partner, whether it’s just the two of you, or in front of others, just to belittle them. This spells doom for your relationship faster than you can spell the word.
3. You lose all sense of self
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So many people forget that they are individuals first, and then they’re part of a couple. That they have a sense of self that needs nurture. They lose who they are, they pick up their partner’s tastes, likes, dislikes, hobbies, interests, style, quirks, everything. One the one hand, it’s great to share your love for something with your partner, but on the other hand, to forget who you are as an individual is wholly another thing altogether. It gets to a point where you don’t know what to do with yourself without your partner, and that’s trouble right there, with capital T. No matter how much in love you are with your partner, you need to ALWAYS have yourself and celebrate your individuality.
4. You cheat
Although this one is pretty obvious, I have to say – cheating is always a choice. And it’s better you keep your priorities straight and keep your eye on the ball – the success of your relationship – and you’ll be good.
5. You forget your friends
You meet someone new and you forget the rest of the world, including your friends, and sometimes even your family. You always want to see this new person, talk to them at all hours of the day, and you think that time flies by when you’re with them. You totally forget that you have a life besides this person, that you have priorities and responsibilities because you’re too absorbed in with this one person. But you should NEVER forget your friends. They were there even before this person came into your life. They were there when you needed them, they were there to help you pick up the pieces and move on, and they will be with you through thick and thin. They have had your back longer than this new person has, and there’s a distinct possibility that they will be in your life long after they are gone. Never forget the friendships that have shaped your life, and to do this, you need to make time for these other people in your life. Try to strike a balance. Never be that person who ditches their friends because they found a new person.
6. You compare your partner with your ex
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No matter how many relationships you’ve had, how many partners you’ve been with, how many times you’ve been in love, NEVER, ever compare your current partner with anyone else. No one likes to feel like they’re mediocre to some person they don’t even know existed before then. No one likes to feel as if they’re in a competition with someone they don’t even know. This won’t get you anything besides your partner’s resentment for making them feel bad about themselves.
7. You forget about them
Granted, your relationship is just one part of the tapestry of your life. But it is a huge part nonetheless. You’re out with your partner and a few friends, and you spend most of your time talking to other people. You’re out somewhere on a business meeting, but you couldn’t be bothered to reply to a text from your partner, which they sent hours ago. Nothing hurts worse in a relationship than being forgotten about, or worse still, being ignored. It’s apathy and indifference that make the most damage in any relationship. Remember, if you care about your partner, you won’t ever forget that they’re there.
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8. You dismiss issues and problems
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Worse than indifference is not taking problems in your relationship seriously enough. When they voice a concern, listen. People don’t listen often enough, and a romantic relationship isn’t any different. When your partner is expressing their concern regarding an issue, hear them out and try to come up with a solution together. Working together as a couple brings you two closer. Pushing it under the rug, or waiting for it blow over are NOT effective ways to deal with issues in a relationship. They’ll still be there when you pull your head out of the sand. In fact, the little problems and issues that could’ve been addressed and sorted will just grow into bigger concerns, that are complicated and tangled, to say the least.
9. You put everything/everyone else first
When you love someone, they become a priority in your life, just as you become in theirs. But if you put other things and other people in front of them, it can be very hard to watch and digest their (in)significance in your life. You don’t want them to just feel important in your life, but you want them to know how important they are to you.
10. You snoop on your partner
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It’s human nature to be tempted by the forbidden. And snooping around your partner’s room, phone, drawers – can bring you nothing but problems. One of two things will happen – you’ll get caught with your hand in the drawer and they’ll lose their trust in you, or, you’ll find something you never wished to learn in the first place. In the latter case, the chances of you misinterpreting your find are higher, with your imagination getting the best of you, and it turns into a fight that was unnecessary to begin with.
11. You try to change who they are
Just like you’re an individual with your own unique identity, your partner is too. You fell in love with them for a reason. So either accept them as they are, or leave. It’s as simple as that. You should NEVER try to turn someone into something they’re not, just to fit your mold of an ideal partner. Get this through your thick skull – perfect mates DO NOT exist.
12. You numb yourself from them
It’s only natural for you to feel as if you are desensitized from what your partner is feeling. You don’t get that pinch in your heart when you see them in distress. You don’t feel bad calling them horrible things. You take shots at them even for minor arguments. You make them feel this small when they do something wrong. You don’t care if you hurt them with your actions. You numb yourself from them and their feelings, and that will only spell trouble for the relationship.
13. You bring up the past
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Your past is in the past for a reason – neither you nor your partner can change what has already happened. So leave it be. Always focus on the here and now, the present. It doesn’t matter how heated an argument gets, you should NEVER bring up past hurts or past transgressions. Leave it behind, where it belongs. You have absolutely no right to bring up past hurts into the present argument. And most likely, you’ve forgiven them for those past mistakes and you both decided to move on. So that means never bringing it up again, no matter how wild the fight gets.
14. You keep score
Just as hurtful and wrong as the above point is holding grudges against your partner. Keeping score about who did what, and how many times, is not only a waste of your time and energy, but it will just add fuel to the fire by making you look like what you did wasn’t right or not enough. You cannot, I repeat, cannot keep score in a relationship. Past occurrences have no place in the present. You cannot base your current actions and decisions on these.
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15. You don’t support them
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You and your partner are a team, you vs the world. You always have each other’s backs, no matter what. Never make them feel as if they’re not good enough, or that they’re dreaming too high and that they won’t be able to achieve them. However unlikely and improbable their dreams may seem, always support them. Always be there for them, even if they make a stupid decision. After all, one learns from their mistakes, but if you’re there to help them pick up the pieces and dust themselves off and move on, they will love and cherish you more. Never mock them for being wrong, or tell them ‘I told you so.’ Nobody likes a know-it-all. You need to be their rock, their solid support system, who never wavers from their faith in them, no matter what.
A relationship has so many facets and angles that very few people take the time to actually delve into each and every one of these. And a healthy relationship is one that lifts you up when you’re down, buoys you when you feel down, and makes you happy even if the circumstances aren’t favourable, but gives you strength when you need it the most, no conditions apply. With this list of what not to do in a relationship, you should be able to make your partner and yourself happy. Remember, there is no such thing as a perfect relationship, but two imperfect people come together and make their own version of perfect.
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