A Guide On How To Control Your Emotions In A Relationship

by Bhavya Kaushik · January 26, 2019

If you won’t control your emotions, then your emotions will control your life.

A friend of mine told me this while having a conversation and these words still resonate with me. If you are an emotional person like me, then you might find it hard to make pragmatic decisions at times. Too often, I let my emotions drive my judgment which vastly impacts my relationships as well.

If you want to be with someone in the long run, then you need to learn how to control your emotions in a relationship. A lot of times, we give up to our emotions and end up ruining something special. Sometimes, we become overly emotional over the simplest of things that don’t even need our attention. Though, if you take some thoughtful steps, then you can control your emotions for sure. We will help you do the same in this guide.

Why do you need to control your emotions in a relationship?

It is always recommended to keep our emotions in check. Yes, we all let go of them every once in a while, but if you are cautious then you can easily avoid an emotional outburst. Here are some striking reasons for why you should control your emotions in a relationship.

To make practical decisions

Needless to say, you should not let your emotions make vital decisions related to your relationship. We don’t always make a pragmatic decision by being overwhelmed with emotions and can later regret it.

To avoid an emotional outburst

By accepting your emotions and confronting them, you would be able to tackle them in a better way. This will avoid an unwanted emotional outburst out of the blue.

To live in the present

People who are overly emotional often cling on to their past or get anxious by their future. If you have the same habit, then you won’t be able to enjoy the infinite present of your relationship.

To understand your partner

Not just for you, it would be helpful for your partner as well. You would be able to reason your partner on facts and can easily reach a conclusion without getting distracted by your emotions.

To make the most of your relationship

You would be able to avoid all the unwanted arguments and can have a more transparent relationship with your partner. It will also help the two of you communicate easily in a more direct way.

The consequences of not controlling your emotions

Being an emotional individual, I have had regrets of letting my emotions affect my past relationships. If you won’t be able to keep your emotions in check, then you might face some unwanted consequences.

You might let temporary emotions make a permanent decision in your relationship. This might mean moving to a different city, quitting a job, or taking any other life-changing step solely out of temporary emotions.
As you would get worried over the slightest of issues, it can lead to stress and anxiety in the long-term.
It might cause more drama in your life. The two of you can end up picking a fight on the smallest of things.
It can narrow your vision to a great extent. You might overthink about the coming future and what is right in front of you while ignoring the bigger picture.
Without even realizing, you might end up pushing your partner away. You can lose someone special in the process if you won’t have control over your emotions
You might end up staying in a toxic relationship as well if you become overly attached to someone and the thought of losing them makes you afraid.

How to control your emotions in a relationship?

Yes, humans are imperfect and our emotions make us who we are. Though, sometimes we get so overwhelmed by them that they end up clouding our judgment. If you want to have a stress-free and fruitful relationship, then you need to process your emotions and keep a check on them. The following thoughtful tips will help you control your emotions for sure.

Take a pause before reacting strongly

Every time you think you are becoming too emotional, take a step back and analyze the situation. Try to have a different perspective of it and analyze if your emotions are justified or not. This will avoid a strong emotionally driven step and you would be able to pacify yourself as well.

Identify your emotions

It might sound surprising, but a lot of people are not able to give a name to their present emotional state. For instance, if you are stressed or anxious, then you might go through the same. In order to work on your emotions, you need to identify them and further categorize them too.

Understand that you can’t win all the arguments

There might come a time in an argument when you have to pick what is more important to you – the urge of winning the argument or the other person. Try to understand that you can’t win every argument or fight in your relationship. Sometimes, it is better to walk away or say that you are wrong instead of letting your emotions pick a fight.

Try to stay calm during a critical situation

Speak slowing to your partner whenever you have an argument. When we become emotional, the way we speak and react to certain situations changes a lot. Chances are that you can end up speaking something that you might regret afterward. To avoid this, it is better to speak calmly to others after giving every word a thought. You can also breathe slowly, meditate, or start counting during a stressful situation to calm yourself.

Don’t dwell on negative emotions

It is quite natural to feel negative emotions at times. Though, just because you are having negative feelings, it doesn’t mean that you need to hold on to them. Simply think of the entire situation in a practical way and come up with a plan of action to fix it. If you can’t do anything to resolve it, then let it go and focus on other important things in your life.

Listen to your partner

It is has been observed that we often have a conversation to reply and not to listen. Sometimes, the best thing you can do in a critical situation is to just listen to your partner. Whenever you become emotional, take a step back and try to stay calm. Listen to what your partner has to say before reacting to anything.

Don’t be defensive all the time

You can’t put a guard around yourself when you are in a relationship. Your partner might tell you some things that you didn’t want to hear. It is important to know their intention before reacting. If it is for your own good, then you can’t be defensive. At the same time, you can’t be a victim of your own thoughts as well. Let go of these preconceived notions in order to avoid being too emotional.

Watch your body language

Sometimes, it is not our words, but our body language and gestures that end up hurting others. Watch your hands and the way your body reacts to a situation while having a conversation with your partner. Don’t let your emotions be channeled through your gestures and maintain a calm posture.

Identify your triggers and work on them

It has been observed that our emotions often get triggered by some or other thing. It can be a certain behavior, a past connection, specific gestures, or any other event. Whenever you become emotional the next time, try to identify what could have triggered it and gradually work on it as well. In this way, you would know how to handle a similar situation in the future.

Write down your emotions

Just because you can’t express your emotions in words, it doesn’t mean you have to suppress them. Instead, you can always write your emotions and channel them in a more constructive way. You never know, the release of your emotions can become a work of art and heal you at the same time.

Try to have direct communication with your partner

If you want to keep a check on your emotions, then have direct communication with your partner. Be honest and don’t try to manipulate things. Avoid all kinds of mind games and let your partner know about your insecurities and doubts. They will appreciate your honesty and will certainly help you clear your mind.

Always think of the bigger picture

Most importantly, always think of the long run whenever you become emotional. As stated above, you should not let your temporary emotions leave a permanent impact on your life. Don’t cut ties with someone in the heat of the moment. Ask yourself if the person is worth the effort or not. If the answer is yes, then try to calm your senses and remind yourself of the bigger picture.

Having strong emotions is a good sign for every individual. Though, you should not let your emotions drive your relationship. It should be the other way around. Remember, you control your emotions. After reading this guide, you would certainly be able to learn how to control your emotions in a relationship as well. It might not be the easiest thing to do, but it would certainly be worth it. A calm and peaceful mind can surpass the hardest of times and have a strong relationship. Take it one day at a time and attain mental bliss by working on yourself.

Image courtesy: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License

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