Your emotions are a vital part of your existence. Every day, your decisions and actions are determined by your emotions. Even though we don’t consciously think about the way we are feeling most of the time, your emotions can be a driving force in a number of situations in your life. This includes your intimate relations as well, which is why you have to learn how to control your emotions in a relationship.
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Getting emotional is a very normal thing. It has happened to the best of us. In every situation where you have lost your temper, felt overwhelmed, felt underwhelmed, compromised, broken down or said something you didn’t mean to, your emotions got the better of you. This happens when you are too emotionally invested in a person, which is more often than not, someone you are in love with.
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In order to survive in a healthy and happy partnership, you need to learn how to control your emotions in a relationship and not fly off the handle every time something challenging occurs in your life. This may sound easy, but is in fact, very, very difficult. You never know when you might get overwhelmed with a certain feeling and do something you regret forever. When you know how to keep your emotions in check with a partner, you not only improve as an individual yourself, but also become a more desirable human being, that is likeable and dependable.
Here are a few handy tips that you can use when you are trying to keep your emotions in check, especially with the people you love and value the most in your life.
Why Is It Important to Keep Your Emotions in Check?
Before I can tell you what the best way to keep your cool and act level-headed is, it is important to understand the motive behind this exercise. This way, you might be even more motivated to regulate your feelings and their expression. Like I said before, emotions can have a large impact on your life, and on the lives of the people around you. Hence, it is important to express them in ways which is favorable to both you and your immediate environment.
Here are a few more reasons why you should control your emotions in a relationship.
- Emotional excess leads to rash decisions
Never in the history of ever has anyone said, “That decision I took when I was under emotional stress, was the best decision ever!” This is because when you are under emotional stress, you are thinking of impact and not consequence. You are thinking, “What is the thing that will have the most effect on my partner and show them what I am going through”, instead of thinking, “What can be the most reasonable thing to do in this situation.”
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- It causes fear and insecurity
When you are constantly doing things under emotional stress, you forget what logical thinking and reasoning feels like. You are constantly either feeling hyper, or jealous, or insecure, or possessive, or all of the above at the same time, which is not a normal state of mine to be in. This in turn, causes stresses in your relationship, and makes your vulnerable to making mistakes, and causing physical and emotional harm to your partner as well.
- Emotional excesses distance you from reality
We are so used to seeing normal life situations being over-dramatized in popular media, that sometimes, we forget how rooted real life actually is. Reality TV shows and TV series are all made in a fictional world with fictional characters dealing with fictional problems. Even if you do relate with them, you have to understand that when you are suffering, it is not possible for you to take off for a luxury cruise to wind off. You need to understand that real life is not like it is demonstrated to you.
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- Emotions are temporary
Possibly one of the best arguments against indulging in emotional excess in a relationship, is that emotions are in fact, temporary. Whether you are angry, sad, happy, depressed or anything else, it is not your permanent state of being. It is quite possible that after a few hours, you will be feeling completely different. This is the reason one should not indulge in decisions and actions when they are feeling emotional.
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Now that we have seen all the possible reasons why you should not be excessively emotional in a relationship, here are few things you can do to keep your feelings and emotions and their expressions in check.
- Introspect on your own behavior
If you want to do something about feeling excessively emotional in your relationship, then you need to first check yourself. Think about the cause of your emotional problem. Find out whether there is any other underlying issues that is causing your problem other than your interaction with your partner.
Segregate the way you feel into more specific things like “ecstatic”, “alone”, “misunderstood” instead of vague and broad categories like “happy” and “sad.” This will also help you realize your predominant problem, and maybe even the source of your condition.
- Talk candidly about your emotions with your partner
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This is something you should do when you are in a rational state of mind. Talk to your partner about the problems you think you are having, and see what they have to say about it. If they think that you are unable to control your emotions, then you can come to a compromise and figure out a solution together.
This way, when you do suffer emotional stress, they are also aware of the situation, and instead of feeling offended, they can help you through it by understanding. This is a wonderful way to build intimacy and understanding in a relationship, and it is amazing to witness what a calm, productive and honest conversation can do.
- Find an outlet to express your emotions
Sometimes, if you feel like you express your emotions too boldly, you might panic and suppress your emotions completely. Under no circumstance should you bottle up your feelings, because it only leads to greater emotional outbursts in the future, with all your pent up feelings coming out all at once.
Instead of taking all your latent feelings out on your partner, try to find an alternative space where you can freely express yourself, and release the tension from your system. Whether it is talking to a friend, or practicing martial arts, find an outlet which will not have an adverse effect on your relationship when you express your emotions. This way you will also feel relieved, without putting your relationship through an unnecessary amount of strain.
- Learn how to forgive
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You might wonder what forgiveness has to do with losing control over your emotions. After all, you should be the one asking for forgiveness for losing your cool in situations and putting your partner through anxiety and stress. You need to know how to forgive in order to calm yourself down when you are about to get overwhelmed with emotion.
If you are losing control because of something your partner has done, take some time to think about the situation, and try to forgive them for it. If you are stressed because of something, you or your friend or your family member has done, then try to forgive them too. The moment you come to peace with your stressor, you will not feel the need to express yourself violently in order to deal with it.
- Leave
A lot of people might think this is simplistic, or escapist at the least, but it is in fact, one of the best ways to deal with emotional excesses when you are in a relationship. It is always better to remove yourself from a situation when you know that you will not be able to control yourself. It is much better than staying, wherein you might say things and do things without thinking and make matters infinitely worse.
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Find some other occupation that you can do when you feel an episode coming on. You can either listen to music, or go for a run or do something else, which will help you cool off, or have your release, without subjecting your partner to unnecessary problems.
It is important to remember that you are after all, human. The fact that you are trying to learn how to control your emotions in a relationship is a good sign, and shows that you are self-aware. Even if you end up feeling excessively emotional in certain situations, don’t judge yourself, or beat yourself up about things that have happened in the past.
Try to make use of the pointers that I have mentioned to control yourself in situations where you feel like you might be flying off the handle. In case that doesn’t help either, you should seek professional help, which is always a good thing.
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