Ending an affair is no easy task, no matter what moralists might say. There was a reason you engaged in an affair in the first place, and there is a reason why you need to end it. An affair might give you a great sense of power and vitality, which is often lacking in unhappy marriages, as a lot of people seem to complain. However, you need to know how to end an affair with dignity, not only to save the people you love from pain, but also to carry on with a guilt-free conscience.
We will not go into why you started the affair in the first place or what the good and bad consequences of an affair might be. All we are concerned with is that you should know how to end an affair with your dignity and integrity intact. Breakups, no matter what kind, are more often than not, ugly. They turn into bitter arguments, public scenes, abusive exchanges, and the involvement of people who had nothing to do with it in the first place. An affair (or any relationship that ends badly) might also lead to acts of personal harm and revenge, and a lot of other unnecessary things.
Suggested read: 16 undeniable signs you’re having an emotional affair
When you reach the point in your relationship when you feel that what you share is not balanced and that one partner is more invested in it than the other, it is time to put an end to your relationship, in the most civil manner possible, although it will require an altercation of some kind.
Here is a comprehensive, step-by-step guide on how to end an affair.
1. Think about what you are about to do
Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
Even though an affair might be morally wrong, it has its own positives, without which you wouldn’t have engaged in an affair in the first place. No matter what the nature of your relationship was, breaking up is bound to be difficult for both you and your partner. That is why, the last thing you should do is act impulsively when you are about to end an affair. Think about what you are about to do, and how you are going to deal with the aftermath of being without a lover.
2. Set a proper date for the event
Even though there is no need to make it sound so auspicious, it is important that you set a date for breaking off your affair. This way, you know how much time you have to mentally prepare yourself for the event. Also, make a plan on how you will do it. Whether you choose to do it over phone or in person (although the latter is always better), you should know exactly where and when to meet them, and what to say, so that you don’t beat about the bush and end up achieving nothing in the process.
3. Find out what you loved best about your affair and find alternatives
Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
This is quite a difficult step, which requires you to actually sit down with a list and jot down the things you enjoyed most about your affair with your partner. Admitted, an affair has a lot of perks, which is why you engaged in one in the first place. List those perks down and find out alternative ways and means in which you can achieve those things. When you have other means to get the happiness you received from your affair, breaking away becomes much easier.
4. Have a clear and honest conversation
Now comes the actual talking part, where you have to tell your partner that you don’t want to continue with the affair any longer. The main objective is to have a conversation that is short, honest, and transparent. It is important that you keep the conversation short and to the point, so that there is no space for digressions or off-topic conversation and you say all the things you have to, to end your affair once and for all.
5. Do not be aggressive or accusatory when you are talking
This is something that might easily happen when you are talking, considering the circumstances. If you have decided to end the affair, then it is your responsibility to ensure that you keep a cool head and not end up antagonizing the other person more, because even if they don’t say anything right then, they might vent their anger later on. Take responsibility for all the things that you have done during the course of the affair, and apologize for it – for example, for leading them on.
Suggested read: Emotional infidelity – worse than a physical affair?
6. Be clear about what you want and don’t want from them in the future
Image source: Flickr
There should be no scope for ambiguity when you are breaking off your relationship with the person you were having an affair with. You must make it very clear during the conversation, about your arrangements in the future. For example, you can assure them that you had a wonderful time with them, and that you will always care for them, but there will be no more meetings, or any other form of communication and correspondence.
7. Ask them if they are okay
Even though you have decided to end your affair, doesn’t mean that you will act like a hostile animal to the person you just decided to leave, because even though you were prepared for it, they might not have. Compassion goes a long way in ensuring that the future is peaceful and without any disturbance, for both of you. Before you can deliver your prepared speech and leave in a huff, make sure that they are okay and emotionally stable before you can depart, because otherwise, they might come back later to subject you to their reactions. It is also important to allow them to speak when you are going through with this.
8. Be prepared for an outburst
Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
It is more than likely that the person you decide to leave will be less than happy about your decision. If you want to know how to end an affair with dignity, you first have to be mentally prepared for an outburst and the question of your dignity rests entirely on how you handle it. Not only do you have to allow them to have their reaction and outburst, but you also have to make sure that they get it all out, so there is no pent up rage or resentment, and the severing of communication between the two of you is a permanent one.
9. Do not succumb to temptation
One of the myths about relationships is that the person who initiated the breakup is completely immune to their ex, while the other keeps pining, until they can move on. However, that is not the case. Even if you were determined to end the affair, and went through with it, it is likely that you will have to test your will-power and resist the temptation of getting back into the affair. You can adopt any means that you want to ensure that you remain aloof and distant from your ex, so that you don’t indulge in an affair again.
10. Cut off all forms of communication with them
Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
After you have told the person you are having an affair with about how you cannot continue with them any longer, you are expected to respect your end of the deal and truly isolate yourself from them. If you are finding it difficult to stay away, it helps to remove them from all your social media lists, and even delete their number from your phone. In case you have to see them on a daily basis (such as in your workplace), it is imperative that you avoid all one-on-one encounters or go out with them exclusively, even if it is for professional errands. Otherwise, it may get very difficult to abstain from engaging in an affair yet again.
Suggested read: 10 crucial questions to ask before breaking up with your cheating partner
11. Take your mind off your affair
Even after you have ended your affair, your conscience might not allow you to rest in peace, and it is likely that you will find yourself constantly thinking about what you did, and whether it was right or wrong. It might also affect your relationship with other people in your life, such as your spouse, family, and friends. In order to carry on with dignity and integrity, it is essential that you get rid of the guilt and any other ill-feeling by any means. Talking to people, going out with friends, and focusing on your family life is the ideal way to get over this entire incident and move on with your life. However, before you can take this step, you must ensure that your ex does not have any way to, or feel the need to, get in touch with you yet again.
Breaking away from an affair is a drastic step that a lot of people are afraid of taking. If you have decided that it is time for you to end your affair, then you should also know how to do so with dignity, because delicate situations like this have a way of coming back and haunting you. However, a dignified end to an illicit relationship can secure lifelong happiness for you, and the people you love.
Featured image source: Pinterest
Facebook
Disqus
Google + 
