One of the greatest trials of life is to listen to everything that your girlfriend has to say, and be the nice, sweet, sensitive boyfriend who is the perfect replacement for a slumber party partner in the absence of the latter. We are expected to paint their nails, braid their hair, compliment the way they look, go shopping for their things, even hold their hair back and listen with complete attention to everything that they have to say.
Who are we kidding? She might be the perfect, even the most beautiful girl on earth, but sometimes, just sometimes, you cannot help zoning out of the conversation that you are having, and thinking about all the wrong things, while nodding your head and saying “Yes, absolutely, baby” at the right moments. Here are 9 honest things that all boyfriends think about and/or do instead of paying attention to their girlfriends..
1. When you tell her you want to order takeout for dinner
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Girlfriend: WHAT? You don’t like the way I cook? Why do you keep ordering takeout? Why don’t you move your things to the restaurant and live there? I am going to sleep. Enjoy your stale and expensive takeout.
Me: *It must be that time of the month*
Suggested read: 11 secrets every boyfriend keeps from his girlfriend
2. When your girlfriend is on a tirade about someone else
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Girlfriend: You won’t believe what she said about me to Zara I mean I thought we were friends how could she do this to me? I hate her I am never going to see her face ever again.
Me: *Is Zara the one with the nice ass or was that Natasha?*
3. When she is talking about how you leave your things lying around everywhere
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Girlfriend: When will you learn to be more responsible about your things? Why do I always have to clean up after you? Are you a child? Please make sure that you keep your things properly. I cannot stand this mess.
Me: *I wonder what happened to the half can of beer I left on top of the TV last night*
4. When you are asked to clean the dishes
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Girlfriend: Please help me out with the dishes baby… *goes on to complain about her workload*
Me: *plays battleships with the foam and spills it everywhere*
5. When you have to watch a cheesy romantic comedy with her
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Girlfriend: Oh my God how could he leave like that? Can’t he see she travelled 600 miles just for him??
Me: *Should I tell her my shoulder is sore or start crying in pain so that she turns off the TV*
6. When she shows you pictures of her family
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Girlfriend: This is my Dad. He is the sweetest guy on earth, and my mum makes the best pastries in the world and these are my 17 brothers who are all so amazing and my…
Me: *I wonder if the gun in the background of that family picture is real…
7. When she complains about a bad hair day
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Girlfriend: This is the worst day of my life. I look like such an ugly scarecrow I want to cut off all my hair! Why does my life suck so bad??
Me: *Shakes head to the mental beats of Hotline Bling*
8. When she gets really upset about the death of a fictional character
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Girlfriend: How am I going to survive the rest of the series without him? He was so important I loved him so much. This is the end of life as I know it *proceeds to cry*
Me: *I really wanted to have sex tonight*
Suggested read: When you are a broke boyfriend…
9. When your girlfriend is dissatisfied with the handbag she bought
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Girlfriend: Baby please write to Customer Care immediately and tell them that their products are shit and they should go out of business and we are never going back to their store ever again etc.
Me: *Plays Candy Crush with an angry/determined expression*
Despite all the times that you have refused to be as attentive as a priest in a confession booth when your girlfriend has been talking to you, you know that you actually love her very much. However, does she need to know that you sometimes tend to think about your boys back at the bar when she is talking incessantly about a dress that she is feeling guilty about buying? I think not.
To all boyfriends out there, cheers!
#BroCode
Featured image source: understandingrelationships
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