So you’re married and have a pretty good life. Or so you think. Seriously, when was the last time you were truly happy? When you felt cherished and loved? When you felt validated, respected, and felt wanted? If you can’t remember it, then you might want to consider getting a divorce. Yes, you promised to stay with your spouse for better or worse, through thick and thin, and considering divorce isn’t the easiest thing to do.
However, when things get out of hand, and no amount of therapy or hard work put in to make it work can help, that’s when divorce seems like the only possibility. It might, at first, seem like a drastic step, but sometimes it’s the only thing left to do.
Suggested read: 10 most common reasons for divorce given by couples
If you’re still doubtful about considering divorce as a serious possibility, then take a look at some instances that tell you why divorce is good.
1. Because you’re not happy.
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Can you remember the last time you looked in the mirror and saw a happy person staring back at you? Can you honestly say that you’re happy in your marriage? If you’re constantly fighting, arguing, and sorting misunderstandings over the simplest things with your spouse, it gets difficult to hide the resentment and angst of having to deal with it. This is especially hard when you see your spouse day in and day out, tiring you, emotionally draining you. This is bound to reflect in your whole outlook on life, at your work, your emotional health, and towards your kids, if you have any.
When you’re not happy in your marriage, you have to be positive that there is something or someone out there who can make you feel more like yourself, the one who was before you fell down this rabbit hole. You can explore this further when you get out of your unhappy marriage.
2. Because you don’t recognize the person you see in the mirror anymore.
Marriage may give you a sense of security, but if it changes the very fabric of your being and individuality, then divorce might be a better option. If you lose yourself, your very identity, then what’s the point of being in a marriage?
Divorce might seem like a giant unknown, but it will give you the hope to look within yourself and find yourself. It will also give you the hope that you need to explore who you could be, a hope to be really happy, and hope that you will find someone or something that will make you happy again.
3. Because you’re better off being a single parent than stuck in an unhealthy relationship.
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If you’re a parent, you might consider staying in a bad marriage, for the ‘sake of the kids.’ You might even think that you’re giving them a sense of belonging, a security blanket that comes with an undivided family. But what you’re not considering is the fact that if you do stay for the sake of the kids, you’re making yourself unhappy. And if you’re unhappy, that will reflect in your parenting, as well as your interactions with your kids. You might think you’re hiding your resentment, anger, despair, and unhappiness from your kids, but you’re not. Kids are far more perceptive to emotions and undercurrents than adults give them credit for.
If you’re telling yourself you’re staying in a bad, unhealthy marriage for your kids, stop right now. It’s not doing them any good, and neither is it any good for you. If you truly want your kids to look up to you and see the real you, then walk out of your unhappy relationship. Not only will this make you happier and hopeful, this positive attitude will also reflect on your interactions with your kids. And a happier you will translate into a happier parent.
Kids emulate their parents in so many respects, and it’s true when it comes to relationships as well. If you want your kids to have healthy, stable, self-respecting relationships in their lives, then choose them in your own. Show them that it’s never okay to settle for something less than a mutually respectful, happy, and healthy relationship.
Suggested read: 14 tough truths you MUST be aware of when dating a divorced man
4. Because you’re not with the right partner.
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When you realize that you’re not with the right partner, you can’t just let it go on. You might love your partner, but that may not be enough. You might respect them and trust them very much, but if they’re not what you want, then there’s no point to staying in the marriage, is there? Even if you stay, you’d just make each other miserable, because you know in your heart that your spouse is not the right partner for you. No matter how many therapy sessions you attend, how many times you think you don’t want to hurt them by walking out, it isn’t enough.
Because you know what? You both deserve to be with someone who thinks the world of you. Someone who actually makes you both happy, just not each other. In such situations, divorce is the only option left. Once you do walk out of your miserable marriage, you get the freedom to try and meet the person you were actually meant to be with, while giving your spouse the same opportunity. Isn’t it worth it?
5. Because you can focus on you for once.
If you’re stuck in a bad marriage, you tend to focus on what went wrong, how to fix it, and what would make it all okay. But once a certain line drawn in the sand is crossed, there’s no going back. You don’t feel like you anymore; you don’t know who you are anymore; you don’t know what you want or need. That’s when you need to let go of your unhealthy relationship and move on. It might not be easy, but you need to do this for yourself, for your own sanity.
Once you’ve walked away from the toxic influence of your bad marriage, you can focus on yourself, loving yourself, the person you are underneath all the pain and suffering you endured. You find peace, happiness, and a genuine appreciation for life that might have been sucked right out of you during your bad marriage. Isn’t that worth it – to find yourself and start loving this version of yourself in all your flawed glory?
6. Because you’re lonely in your marriage.
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There’s a huge difference between being alone and being lonely. While the former is by choice, the latter isn’t. And the worst is to feel lonely when you’re with someone. In fact, being lonely inside the construct of a relationship is far more difficult and hurtful than being alone by choice.
What kind of a life is it if you feel lonely when your partner is right next to you? Human beings connect on an emotional level. If that is non-existent, then what’s the point of the relationship? You’d rather walk out of a lonely marriage and be alone by choice.
7. Because you’re invested in the relationship way more than your partner.
Granted that not everybody loves the same way, and frankly speaking, there is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to love. But, if you’re invested – emotionally, physically, mentally, and financially – in the marriage more than your spouse, while all they do is take you and your love for granted, then there’s no point in staying together. You deserve a partner who is just as invested in you and the relationship as you are.
That’s why divorce is good rather than suffering in silence, or worse, arguing and rowing at the drop of a hat. Because let’s face it – life’s far too short to spend it fighting it out in an unhealthy, toxic, unstable relationship. You deserve to be happy.
8. Because you’re both toxic to each other – literally!
If substance abuse, alcohol abuse, and a general abuse of your health is a key component of your marriage, but you just can’t seem to stop, then it’s time to get out of that relationship. It’s not healthy – physically, mentally, or emotionally – to abuse such harmful substances. If you really want to get your act together and walk towards a healthier, happier you, then you need to get yourself out of your toxic spouse’s influential orbit. If this means getting a divorce, then so be it.
Suggested read: How I started dating again after my divorce
9. Because your partner makes you feel crappy about your body/appearance.
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You might be slightly overweight, with sagging underarm flesh, a balding pate, or a slight beer belly. Does your partner make you feel awful about these ‘flaws’? Do they make you want to cut off these offending body parts rather than embrace your ‘flawed’ self in all your glory? Do they do it repeatedly even after you’ve told them how hurtful their comments are? Then, you know what to do.
You are a beautiful human being, who is unique in your own way – sagging arm, bald pate and all. In fact, these are what make you the beautiful, unique, individual human being that you are. Without these, you’re not you. Embrace yourself the way you are, and get out of their harmful, disdainful orbit and love your ‘flawed’ self to the core. Nobody, I repeat, NOBODY should make you feel bad about the way you look, especially not a spouse. What do you do? Divorce them.
These are our top 9 reasons why divorce is good rather than suffering silently in an unhappy, unhealthy, unstable marriage. Remember, YOU are responsible for your own happiness, nobody else is. If your spouse isn’t making you happy, then you deserve better.
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