I remember my first breakup- or what I thought was a breakup. 9th grade, 11:30 am, a call on the landline and the words, ‘It’s over, I like Swati.’ I remember feeling it was the end of the world. Until I found out what a real heartbreak felt like. It feels a lot worse than a flimsy pit in your stomach.
Imagine being thrown off a sunny mountain top by the one person you trusted the most in the world- and hanging by the edge of a cliff for an eternity as the rough terrain eats into your flesh and a mind-numbing pain sears your insides and then, come crashing down to land in a dark, jagged crevice which squeezes your being so bad you wish you were dead but death wouldn’t come. You know that your only chance to ease the pain is to get up and walk toward help but after a fall like that, you don’t know if you can or even if you want to. Your heart actually aches and you lie there, bruised, sans food or water or human contact.
Suggested read: 10 lessons to take away from breakups
But after the initial pang of pain passes over, you look around to find any ray of light (hope) you can. I did the same- for days after my long-term boyfriend dumped me- refusing to get out of bed, barely eating or talking and constantly crying until the tearworks wore me off and lulled me into a few hours of disturbed sleep. I did get past that heartbreak and eventually, made it through another one soon after and learnt about a few things that really, really help when you breakup:
1. Being busy
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You hear it. You nod weakly in response to it. And you never do it. Try. Staying busy works. It is all there, literally. You are busy, you are moving and hence, keeping yourself from staying still- in the place where he/she left you.
2. Crying
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Being busy, however, does not mean that you push aside the pain you are feeling. If ever in the midst of work or lunch or even a conversation, you feel your heart hurting- allow it to flood over. It will help you push through the pain instead of casting it aside- which is worse in the long run.
3. Feeling it all
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Feel it to heal it is one of my favorite mottos. You cannot keep your emotions under lock and key- so let them out, let them wreak havoc coz once they are done, they will leave and you will be free.
Suggested read: Feel it to heal it- the ONLY way to deal with heartache
4. Finding a motto
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Find some positive saying that really syncs in with what you want to feel. Post-it on your mirror. Make it your screensaver. Set it as your cellphone wallpaper (don’t get it inked, though- you will regret it). The quote will remind you that life has more for you and you have to keep walking.
5. Getting up and get going
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Coz a dark room and a sad playlist aren’t really going to help.
6. Calling friends and family
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Coz your mom loves you- no matter what. And your friends would be willing to do anything to make you feel better- if only you’d let them. They are your blessings.
7. Shift+Del
Wipe out the memories you had created together. Erase, delete, unfollow, block- do whatever it takes to prevent yourself from dwelling in the past. If things were so good, you’d still be together but you aren’t- so take a reality check, get a grip on yourself and get some distance. Your ex isn’t doing half as good as he/she makes an exhibit of on social media, trust me. So, steer clear and invest in you.
8. I-ndulgence
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Invest in yourself coz the more energy you direct into loving yourself, the less you’d feel the need for somebody to fill in any gaps. After all, your happiness lies IN you!
There are two truths about breakups: One, all breakups hurt. Two, it doesn’t always remain that way. When I look back on my 9th grade version, I laugh at my silliness and when I look back at my 22 year-old self wallowing in grief of the heartbreak that crushed me, I am thankful for what I learnt from it to move on. Coz it all happened for a reason!
Featured image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
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