No matter what point in your relationship you and your partner have reached, it is good to get to know them better. Even if you have done this before, it is necessary to do it time and again, because people change, their struggles, their desires, and their passions change, and as their partner it is important you are aware of the same.
Today, we will talk to you about the questions to get to know your partner better, and hence, to improve your relationship.
Image source: Pixabay under Creative Commons License
People tend to think that just because they are in a relationship with someone, they automatically know everything worth knowing about them. But even if you and your lover have been together for 50 years now, there are bound to be some things you don’t know about each other, and it is never too late to find out what these things are, in the process of which you strengthen your bond.
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Before we talk to you about the important questions you need to ask your partner, let us talk about the bad questions you should refrain from or at least should try and rephrase.
Stop asking your partner questions like “What is wrong with you?”, “Why are you so weird?”, or “What the hell is the matter with you?” These are all accusational questions which will only be met with, “Who the hell do you think you are?” or “Have you seen yourself? Nobody is weirder than you.” And this can go on and on for hours, without leading the conversation or the relationship anywhere.
Instead, try asking a more detailed question that shows you are truly concerned. Ask: “Is there something wrong? Would you like to share it with me?” Or “The tiniest of things are upsetting you lately. What do you think is the matter?”
This rephrasing totally changes the mood of the conversation. It invites your partner to open up, and it makes it obvious that you are not accusing them, that you are really concerned and won’t be judging them.
8 questions to get to know your partner better
Finding out about your partner’s past is a great way to build a better present and a future with them. The answers to these questions will help you understand your partner better, their journey better, and thus, will help you align yours with theirs in the best way possible.
However, you need to remember that communication in a relationship is successful only when it is both ways. So when your partner opens up to you, you should also be willing to them about your past in case they ask you the same question.
- How was your childhood?
Now in case you and your lover are childhood sweethearts, this question might not be applicable. So you can move on to the nest question on the list.
For the rest of us, this can be a very good way to start a deep conversation aimed at understanding your partner better. Through the answer your partner provides you, you will get a better insight into how they grew up, what are the things they went through, their struggles, etc. Through this, you might also find more things you and your partner have in common, and that can help strengthen your bond.
- Talk to your partner about their first love
You cannot ask your partner about their first love and then judge them about it, or nag them about the same. You have to listen to it like it was a fairy tale or a story from the Jungle Book. In fact, once they are done with their tale, share yours. Make a picnic out of it.
Knowing about their first or past loves will help you understand them better. It will make it easier for the two of you to open to each other about a whole lot of things that prior to this exchange was uncomfortable.
- Ask your partner what was their first impression of you
It is important to know what was it that attracted your partner to you. This will tell you a lot about them, and also what they expect of you. Also, their first impression of you, which is most likely to be unbiased because they didn’t know you then, will give you an idea about what truly they think of you.
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- Ask them about their deal breakers
Let us be honest with you, this is a pretty scary question to ask someone, especially if you guys have just started dating. But ironically, when people are in a relationship for a long time, they tend to neglect this very question, which is very dangerous, because you might be hurting your partner immensely by doing things that according to them are deal breakers, but since you both haven’t discussed it yet, you have no clue, and they don’t want to lose you so they stay quiet.
- Ask your partner about his or her regrets
Many people say that they don’t have any regrets, but that is seldom true. When you look back, you will realize that there are many things that you think you could have done differently but couldn’t due to circumstances, ignorance, or because you thought the right thing was too damn hard.
By asking your partner about the mistakes they may have made in the past or the regrets that they might have, will give you a whole new insight into them.
- What would you do if you won ten million dollars?
You might think this is a stupid question, but it isn’t. Come on, think about it, knowing how your partner deals with money or what they would do if money was no concern, will tell you a great deal about them as a person.
Also, knowing if you and your partner are on the same page when it comes to finances tells a lot about whether this relationship is going to work or not.
- What does he or she think about having a family?
Again, a very crucial question. Suppose you want to have children, but your partner dreads even they idea of a child, how do you think that relationship is going to end? Is it worth investing your time and energy in? Talking about this will give you a perspective on where this relationship is going.
- Are they happy?
And finally, ask your partner if they are happy. Also, ask them what it is that makes them happy. What do they worry about? Is there anything going on in their life that they are not very satisfied about? Ask them, listen to them, and then share your feelings and anxieties and fears and joys with them. That is what makes any relationship successful, take it from me.
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That is a wrap on today’s post on questions to get to know your partner better. Did you find this useful? Let us know in the comment section below. If you have any recommendations of your own, then do share them with us!
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Featured image source: Pixabay under Creative Commons License
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