Relationships and fights kinda go hand in hand. You can’t have one without the other. If a couple tells you that they don’t fight – ever, then assume that they’re either lying through their teeth, or they didn’t get the memo on what a relationship should be in reality. Because a relationship has two individuals, who are from different backgrounds and ideologies, disagreements are bound to arise, without a doubt.
Suggested read: 15 practical things to say to your girlfriend after a fight to smooth things over
These differences that you adored and made your partner endearing to you, start to seem like annoyances that you could do without. These lead to points of contention because you both have different ways of doing things. Given these, it’s only natural to disagree with your partner. In the initial days, you’re quick to laugh off or ignore such minor annoyances and trivialities. However, as time goes by, you find it hard to ignore these seemingly minor annoyances, and you tend to blow them out of proportion to have full-blown arguments.
There’s no doubt that there are going to be major issues in the relationship that would have you at odds with your partner. However, if you tend to go overboard over silly, trivial, and minor annoyances at the drop of a hat, then you’ve got a problem on your hands. These seemingly small, petty, and trivial issues have the power to drive a wedge between a couple, unless addressed and resolved at the right time.
So what are some of these minor things couples fight about which can blow up in your face?
1. Beliefs.
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Healthy debates have a way of turning for the worse into heated arguments when your beliefs are challenged. Especially so when these are long-held ones, that you believe to be the absolute truths. There are very few certainties in life, with the rest up for interpretation. Many people aren’t mature enough to see another perspective about things they believe to be truths, when they’re merely theories, not facts.
Take for example, religion. You might believe in the existence of an Almighty who wields insane amounts of power, who controls the universe, and will throw down a lightning bolt if you blaspheme. On the other hand, your partner might be an agnostic – not an atheist, but an agnostic. This latter partner might find the first proposition laughable, and vice versa. However, the absolute fact is, neither of them can prove the other wrong. It’s something you’ll just have to settle for agreeing to disagree. The important thing here is to respect your partner for their beliefs, even if you don’t agree with them.
2. Not responding in a timely manner.
This is a point of contention for many couples. Initially, you both are really prompt about replying to texts and/or answering calls. However, as time passes by, this takes a backseat to other priorities, and you think you’ll give them a call later. But guess what, that ‘later’ never materialize.
However, what happens is people are busy, all day, every day. It doesn’t mean they don’t care, or that they don’t want to answer your calls or texts. It also happens that they might not check their phone that often during the day. That they, in fact, saw your missed call or text, but were heading into a meeting, and just couldn’t stop to reply. Understand that this happens, and that it’s not that big a deal. If you’re really hung up over something so trivial as an unanswered text or call, then you might have bigger issues that underscore your trust deficit in your relationship that need to be addressed.
3. Maintaining house.
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Keeping house is important, although most people aren’t fans of cleaning, cooking, and maintaining the other related chores around a house. And then there’s the question of who will take out the trash, who will do the dishes, whose turn it is to clean the bathroom and the toilet? Different people have different takes on how to keep a house. While one partner may be obsessively clean, the other might be a disgusting slob, who prefers to live in a house that resembles a pigsty, rather than a house. Shudder!
Sure, you could yell at each other at the top of your voices to get your partner to see your perspective, but it’s in vain. You won’t resolve anything by yelling and arguing about it, till you express what it is that’s bothering you about their behavior. Have a mature conversation where you air your grievances, without accusing them. Don’t make it seem like you’re blaming them; express how their behavior makes you feel. That has got to make them sit up and take notice. You’re an adult, so have an adult conversation, rather than lowering yourselves to kindergarten kids, who settle their issues by storming out or throwing tantrums.
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4. Needing attention.
Your partner seems to be working all hours, not sparing any time to spend with you. They seem to be more focused on advancing their career than strengthening your relationship. Men and women both come into relationship with different expectations. While some want and crave more attention from their partner, others seem to think that attention stifles them and their independence.
What you need to do is strike a balance where you or your partner don’t feel like you’re not getting enough attention and independence that you’re used to. However, this doesn’t mean you giving up feeling emotionally secure and satisfied, just because your partner wants you to be more independent than you actually are. You both need to make compromises that work for both of you – your need for attention and independence, because yelling at each other won’t solve a thing.
5. Choosing friends over you.
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So your partner went out with their friends for a night out on the town, instead of spending it with you. So what? You both need to spend time apart from each other, as much as you spend it together, as a couple. You both are individuals first, and then partners in a relationship. This downtime away from your partner is an essential way to keep your relationship healthy and functional.
Spending every minute of your free time with your partner is bound to make you sick of each other, no? It will inevitably become mundane, prosaic, something you do out of habit, rather than an actual desire to spend time with them. It’s not your fault or your partner’s, it’s just the way things are. So if your partner wants to go on a trip with their buddies, you do the same, or have a sleepover with your gal pals. Who’s stopping you? There’s nothing with feeling as if you need space and time away from your partner. It is, in fact, healthy. As long as your partner is there for you when you need them, there’s no cause for you to make a mountain of a molehill.
6. Social media brush-off.
Whether you like it or hate it, social media plays a huge role in any relationship in current times. You’re both active on various social media platforms, and there are bound to be a few friends on your partner’s list that you don’t like, and vice versa. But that’s a really petty thing to fight over, if you ask me. So you’re worried about your partner becoming closer to someone else, or you think they might cheat on you with their college roommate’s friend’s sister, then you’re just being plain ridiculous!
Because guess what, just because your partner is in a relationship with you, doesn’t mean they won’t be attracted to other people. They have eyes, they have a healthy libido, and they’re acting like any healthy adult would. That’s all. Unless you find signs of their infidelity, you don’t have to bother with that one post that they hearted, a picture from that obscure friend that they don’t even like all that much. *eye roll* There are much more mature, bigger things couples fight about in actual functional, adult relationships.
7. Food.
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Food is a pretty basic necessity, which can’t really be ignored, and each individual has a unique preference. We’re in the year 2017, and it’s not just one partner’s responsibility to cook. It has to be shared by both partners. So there are bound to be food-related issues that arise – who ate the last piece of pie, who bought cans of unhealthy soda, who wasted so much food, etc., You both have grown up in different backgrounds, where you have had different relationships with food. And you need to respect that about your partner. Arguing over it, or yelling at each other over food, isn’t a very smart thing to do. Addressing the issue and explaining what the problem is, is the only way to move past it and get on with your life.
Suggested read: 8 common relationship fights couples have and how to deal with them
8. Your relationship isn’t perfect.
You aren’t perfect, your partner isn’t perfect, and hence, your relationship isn’t perfect either. So what’s the problem? Just because your friends’ relationships seem like they’re picture perfect, doesn’t mean yours needs to be that way too. the operative word here is ‘seem,’ because you don’t know that theirs is perfect. It’s all an illusion. In fact, every relationship is imperfect, but is perfect for those two imperfect people who can make it work. Your expectations and definition of what love and relationship should be, shouldn’t be based on others’ definition but what works for you two.
It’s very easy to define love and your relationship perfect when you’re in the throes of love. However, fighting and arguing and yelling at each other because you’re imperfect, is just plain nuts! Every freaking person on this planet is flawed, and until you see the flawed imperfection in each other, you won’t have peace.
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