The concept of dating your friend’s ex is considered an unsaid social taboo which runs like an undercurrent among all friends. The very first, most cardinal rule of friendship is, after all – bros before hoes and sister before misters, and in this case, anyone that your friend is in a relationship with is considered the hoe. So when you end up dating someone your friend has already gone out with and then decided that it isn’t working out, there are a lot, and I mean a lot of eyebrows that are going to shoot to the sky and question your decision and your integrity.
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However, if you come to think of it, is dating your friend’s ex really such a bad idea? Is it really so restricted a territory that treading on it might make you lose all your friends, and especially the one whose ex you have decided to date? Although most people seem to think so, if you calm down and take a breather, you will realize it isn’t such a bad thing after all. It’s not like you are sharing the person you are dating with your friend; you have decided to be with them after they have called it quits. So there is no reason that every single person who had dated your friends is off-limits for you as well. In this case, it is important to figure out why people have so many moralistic questions that they would like to ask in a situation like this, and what you can do to diffuse the tension and the supposed betrayal in everyone’s minds regarding your super bold decision.
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Frankly speaking, you can’t control who you fall in love with. If you find yourself in a situation where you are dating your friend’s ex, there should be no reason why you should bring your happiness to a screeching halt because your friend once dated your current. The only thing you need to legitimize your relationship and live and love in peace, is your friend’s approval because you can’t deny that the situation is delicate and sensitive. After you have managed to do so, you will realize that it wasn’t such a big deal after all and there are a number of benefits of this arrangement, which you might not have thought of before.
1. You have the same friend circle
This is perhaps one of the biggest benefits of dating your friend’s ex. If you get over all the initial sheepishness and awkwardness and secure your friend’s approval, then I can guarantee you that dating will be a piece of cake. Everything will be the same as it was before and you don’t have to face any of the tension and awkwardness that comes with introducing a new person to your homies, because they have already seen and approved of your date, back when they were dating your friend.
2. You don’t have to worry about finding out nasty secrets about the person you are dating
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With new relationships come the fear of finding out things about them that aren’t very evident when you take them at face value, and worse, realizing that those discoveries are actually very unpleasant characteristics about your date. However, when your friend was with the person you are dating now, you spent countless hours talking about that person, and understanding all their flaws and their shortcomings, ensuring that there are no nasty surprises lurking in the corner for you when you are the one who is dating them.
3. You know exactly what they are like in a relationship
Sometimes, you like a person and you crush on them and then when you finally manage to date them, you find out that they aren’t good partners at all. This leads to more complications because you try to figure out why you started liking them in the first place, and so on and so forth. When you date someone your friend has already dated before, you know exactly what kind of a partner they are. Not only does this take away a lot of the anxiety that is inevitable during the initial phase of any new relationship, but it also ensures that the bond that you two share is stronger and based on trust and mutual understanding, right from the beginning.
4. Your friends have already approved of your date beforehand
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This is a major bonus that a lot of people seem to forget about, when they are panicking about their friend’s reaction when you date their ex. If the person you are dating has dated your friend before, that means that all your other friends (or at least the ones who matter the most) have approved of them. You don’t have to worry about introductions or manipulating your friends into liking your date. After you start going out with them, all the old feelings are bound to come flooding back, so long as you explain your situation right, and you have your friends’ approvals.
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5. Your relationship with your friend becomes better
You might think that this is taking things too far, when it comes to dating your friend’s ex. I should mention here, that you should date your friend’s ex only if they broke up peacefully, like mature adults and with mutual consent. Once this is out of the way, you will realize that the new arrangement can actually help improve your relationship with your friend because you can talk about the person you are dating, without having to explain everything from scratch. Not only do you understand your date better, but your friend can help you through your problems with each other because of their previous personal experiences.
6. You know about their shortcomings
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Let’s be honest, your friend broke up with your date in the first place for a reason. When you date someone your friend has already dated, you also get to know the reason the two of them broke up in the first place. If it “wasn’t working out,” then you know why it wasn’t working out. This makes you understand your date better, and work on your relationship by taking into account a firsthand experience of all their shortcomings in a relationship. This makes it a lot easier to love them because you know exactly what their shortcomings are, and you still love them despite it all.
7. It gives you a hell lot of confidence
Dating someone your friends have liked, then loved, and then hated takes a lot of courage. Even breaking the news to your friends, particularly that one friend whose ex you are currently dating, might seem like the most difficult task of all time, but once you are through that phase, you will realize that you will emerge a much more confident individual. Doing something that most people are afraid of doing for fear of judgment or the disapproval of others is as chivalrous as you can get in modern times.
8. You break out of stereotypical expectations from relationship
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What is a stereotypical idea of a relationship? You find someone you like and develop a little crush. You make little moves to let them know about your feelings and then you feel ecstatic to know that they reciprocate those feelings. You start dating and are terribly in love as you slowly get to know each other, but there remains the problem of making your friends like your new partner. A whole new phase of your relationship begins where you try to make them love each other etc etc.
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However, when you are dating someone your friend has already dated, none of these things apply to you. Your friend has already gone through the official rite of passage when they were dating this individual, which is why things are very different for you. No matter what happens with this new arrangement of yours, you should know that you are a badass because you have defied all the stereotypical ideals of what a relationship should be like. How is this a benefit? Well, it teaches you a lot about things like love, loyalty, trust, jealousy, and faithfulness the hard way, making your relationship with your partner and your friends that much more special and unique.
Although people make a huge deal out of the fact that you are dating your friend’s ex and therefore backstabbing them and what not, you need not pay heed, because frankly, the fact that you and your friends can be super chill about it makes you really cool. If anything, it helps strengthen the bond of love and friendship. And in case your friend’s ex decides to break your heart as well, you will have no trouble finding people you can vent to, and rest assured, they are going to have your back before your partner’s. If that isn’t a benefit, I don’t know what is.
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