So you miss her already! It has been a li’l over twenty-four hours and you realize that she is the only girl you ever want! And so, you decide to get her back!
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It isn’t hard. Well, not always! Plenty of people get back together every day after a breakup. So how do you join the club?
But before you get behind the wheel and start driving full-throttle in the direction of back-together-ville, you must take a good time to gauge if what you are feeling is merely an offshoot of the fresh pangs of breakup-itis or whether there’s a REAL reason to want your to get your ex-girlfriend back. If the honest answers to these questions steer you in her direction, then forge ahead! The only thing you need is the route-map, with directions to the destination of ‘getting your ex-girlfriend back.’
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Now, how to get your ex-girlfriend back can be a darned difficult path to tread, with multiple possible routes – each dependent on the type of breakup and the girl’s reaction to it. Therefore, getting your ex-girlfriend back can be trickier and more complex than you’d have made it out to be. The process of getting your ex-girlfriend back is much more than a series of texts-calls-subtle hints-taking it slow-reengaging-acknowledging your mistake-and showing the change! And the road can be filled with obstacles that hadn’t quite crossed your mentalscape, when you decided to embark upon a journey, the arrival of which isn’t quite guaranteed.
Suggested read: Get your ex-boyfriend back with these tips
But that does not mean there isn’t hope. Every cloud has a silver lining – so for a drizzle that may not do well enough to alleviate the pain of a journey on a dry, summer day down freshly baked roads but cause temporary relief, after which an unbearable humidity envelops you – we have a series of steps that might either help you to get your ex-girlfriend back or drive past her. Well, coz you have to accept the 50-50 odds:
1. Understand the reasons for the fallout
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There is a reason she gave you her heart. She never wanted it to be ripped away from yours like a scab over a half healed welt. She chose you coz she loved you. She took those steps with you coz she wanted to move ahead. She wanted to build a future with you and she was investing her heart, body, and soul in it. But then, she ‘couldn’t do it anymore’ because she didn’t see a way to make that investment yield returns. She tried to explain, told you she was unhappy but she probably didn’t FEEL that she was being heard or understood. And when she felt emotionally drained, she gave up the trudge on the apparent one-way street! Now this may not be your case, or may only hold true partially – but that’s no reason to despair! The point is, women give up when they cannot bear the disinterested stance of on-going non-commitment. It is important for you to pin down what the specific reasons for your breakup were and understand it from her perspective. Her chants of ‘I don’t feel the love anymore,’ or ‘it’s over,’ or even ‘I’m seeing someone else,’ can merely be coping mechanisms! Well, just remember there’s a 50% chance they may not be.
2. Acknowledge and accept your share in making it go downhill
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After you understand the reason behind the breakup, scan events in the past for your role in the consequent fallout. It is important that you be completely objective while you collate the list of reasons that make up your share of making the relationship head south. This shall help you acknowledge and accept your shortcomings as a boyfriend and exhort you to make the optimal changes that may be the difference between getting her back AND keeping her or letting her slip away forever.
3. Make the most honest and sincere apology ever
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After you’ve understood the ‘problems’ that caused your heartbreak and accepted your share in it, reach out to your ex-girlfriend and make a sincere apology. Please remember that this isn’t a step that entails saying ‘I’m really sorry. Let’s give this another chance.’ That is a BIG NO. It is merely an admission of the half that you screwed up in your shared equation with her. So, express the same, admit to the mistakes, own them, take responsibility for the same and address your move toward accountability. Remember that you must do all of this without a trace or hint of any expectation of getting back together that may be reverberating loud in your mind! Ensure that she knows you have the take-aways!
Suggested read: Breakup or Makeup – When to let go
4. Create some space
Now this may come as a surprise, but it is crucial. After you make an apology, put some distance between the two of you and refrain from learning about her life from any source whatsoever. This shall give you the time to focus on you, work toward reinventing and refashioning yourself into the man who’d not make those fatal mistakes that led to the breakup whilst also picking up new hobbies, interests, and living it up.
5. Begin anew
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After some time apart, during which you have worked on the ME-component of a former-WE and also helped the ME, become a better version of your former self, reach out to her. Do this in a non-committal way and just extend a hand of friendship. Rebuild your camaraderie, keep it light, and show her a NEW you. Take it slooooow but build memories, take a tiny step toward a healthy relationship every day and forge a deep, meaningful connection.
6. Show her the change
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Remember she was once completely vulnerable with you, she was intimate with you, and she let you know things about her that nobody knows! She may have found someone or she may be cynical about getting back together but that is because she did not feel emotionally safe. You were a part of her heart and soul once, and if you have caused her hurt, you are the only one who can heal it. She needs to see that you can be as invested as she was. She needs to know that you feel it can work out. She needs to see that the same problems that caused you to drift apart shall never surface again. Show her. Evince it through actions, words, gestures- whatever it takes. Just make her feel that she can be emotionally safe with you- that you are the man she once fell for and will continue to be!
Suggested read: 10 lessons to take away from breakups
7. Let her hand you the RESULT
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And the last step marks the end of all that you could do on your part. It is now her call. She can decide if she wants to hold or fold! Either way, do not be pushy about any outcome!!
Remember that whether or not your quest on how to get your ex-girlfriend back succeeds or not, it shall still be worth every bit of this process – coz you’d either come out of it two-ly together or healed and ready to move on! 
Featured image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
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