Romancing With Thumbs: Love In The Age Of Texting

by Sejal Parikh · September 21, 2015

I was in a relationship where the rule of thumbs was to romance via thumb- exclusively. My relationship was flooded with text-o-rama- 24*7! Any attempt to call or have an in-person talk was met with another flood of digitally delivered responses- packaged in emojis and all! And right before, I broke it off (in-person), an avalanche of accusations was leveled against me- something about not ‘being there for any communication’ at all, having communication lapses etc! Well, there’s only so much I can do with thumbs, really!

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On hindsight, I think he should have just been thankful that I called it off in person rather than using a lame text- even when the first time he said ‘I love you’ was over text with a long string of mushy emojis! I remember the flutter of butterflies I felt at the time as well as calling him back to hear him actually say the words. No answer- followed up by a ‘call you later’ text! Ouch.

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Anyway, you know how love is- so I overlooked the texty-texting syndrome- until the overkill began. What started out as a thrilling and exciting prospect of being ‘on his mind’ all the time- slowly turned into a slew of texts that kept me company everywhere- at work, in bed, on a girls’ night out and even when I was taking a dump. A delay in reply and a hundred text-guns were fired at once! New day- add new emojis, new words, stir, repeat! It was too much to take, really! And I am a writer- imagine!

I guess therein lies the problem of modern dating. We are a bunch of divided populace with one half instinctively emoting through their thumbs and never quite ‘being okay’ with a commitment until it bears the Facebook seal of confirmation while the other half is still wary of the tech-revolution and is slowly adapting to the select bits that are absolutely necessary! I believe I am somewhere in between.

I mean yes, a flirtatious text here and there besides the “I’m running late.” “I’m outside.” “Meet me at [insert location.]” type texts is okay- as is ‘I love you’ if you’ve already said it in person (mind you) but as for the rest, I think we should go back to picking up the phone and dialing the digits for some REAL talk. Why? You want to know why? Because dating in Gen Text has hit rock bottom and shall sink even lower, if we do not make that timely call for rescue!

Here are the most depressing aspects of dating in Gen Text:

1. No real communication at all

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Research says that texting is the prime function people use their cellphones for! And writing to one’s beloved is romantic, they explain! Only if you could call those short, abbreviated words with no overflowing emotion save for endless dashes, to-be-continued dots and flaccid commas ‘romantic writing!’ Trust me, I am a writer and when I say that texting has ruined it all- it really has. Yes, I know I’d be ticked off as an alien if I said let’s bring back love letters but honestly, for now, just bringing back the phone call for some real conversation will do! A start is a start is a start!

2. It has made loneliness the new normal

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So there are beeps flashing some messages on your friends group. You are streaming Netflix while pausing for a cursory scroll through your Facebook and Instagram feeds. You find something interesting and pin it to your Pinterest wall to come back to later. But what’s keeping you busy to pore over it now? Evidently, nothing. You check the messages on your chat groups. A bff wants to hang out tomorrow night. Sure, you say, you need to leave the apartment too. But then tomorrow rolls out and you raincheck on the plan because the phone/laptop ‘screen’ is more important than a person behind it! See, how texting brings us closer to screens!

3. It isn’t a step ahead, it is a hundred steps backward

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Yes, if devolution into a sickening form of shorthand script wasn’t enough, texting and its use of emoticons makes the whole thing a retreat into the era of cavemen. After all, grins, winks and dangling tongues are the lexicon of our cavemen ancestors, aren’t they? Yes, yes, blast me all you want- but nobody likes the truth!

4. It takes ugly forms

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Texting, especially in relation to romantic relationships, can quickly devolve into power play. ‘How hard it is to type a simple reply?’ says a girlfriend, when she knows that a text isn’t intrusive like a phone call and thereby, merits a reply even when one is working, watching television, sitting in class or out with friends! As for those who are married, Lord save’em- a husband can send an angry text from the other room canceling on a night out on the town. At least, a phone call gives time-outs, the place to interject apologies, loving reminders and an in-person discussion a chance to even out things in even better ways! (no, I am not talking dirty- or maybe, I am, who’s to say) 😉

5. It gives us a life stripped of purity

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Ever crave for a time when people’d look into each other’s eyes instead of on their phone screens? A time when love wouldn’t flash on the dim blue light of a cellphone screen? A time when simpler joys existed? A time when relationships didn’t need the validation of likes, comments or shares? In our heart of hearts, we all want this REAL life, even if we seem to have taken a long virtual detour!

6. It is an endless vicious cycle

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Although texting really is phatic communion- communication without content- it seems to go on and on and on. And whenever there is a slight slip-up, people become angry too! Wasn’t it simpler when TTYL, BRB and their whole family didn’t exist?

7. It engenders the worst paradox ever