Getting married is a personal decision, but once you do so, you’re at the mercy of every ‘well-wisher’ for miles on end, who gives you unsolicited and unwarranted marriage advice. There are those who are well-meaning, who don’t want to scare you, who’ll tell you that the first year of marriage is one of the BEST years of your life. Then there are those who genuinely care about you, or those who wish to scare you, who will tell you that this period is one of the hardest of your life.
So which one to believe? Which one is actually true? In all honesty, it all depends on you and your partner, and the unique dynamic you share in your relationship. Further, there a few truths about marriage that you need to be aware of, before you tie the knot with your beloved.
Suggested read: 10 amazing things your first year of marriage teaches you
1. Marriage doesn’t bring changes to one’s personality
Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
You and your partner have always been the same individuals, with your own traits, quirks, and idiosyncrasies. So if you expect your unromantic partner to turn romantic and start dropping love-filled limericks, then you’re just deluding yourself. Or if you expect your non-domestic partner to suddenly start keeping house for you, you’re just setting yourself up for disappointment. If these traits were present before marriage, expect them to continue, albeit less frequently. But if these traits were never present in your partner, then how does exchanging vows transform them into something they’re not?
Let’s get another thing out of the way: Any problems, issues you both had before getting married will still exist after you’ve signed on the dotted line and become husband and wife. Granted that you or your partner may change over time, but it sure as heck is foolhardy to expect them to happen overnight. So when you do decide to get hitched, be absolutely sure about the fact that you love your partner for who and what they are, not some imagined or made up version of themselves in your head.
2. Marriage doesn’t put an end to your sex life
Image source: Shutterstock
Many couples have this notion that married sex is boring, and becomes too predictable, and that there’s just not the same sexual chemistry you had before putting a ring on it. If you’re one of these people, then STOP right there! Repeat after me: Sex – married or otherwise – is what YOU make of it. How much time you spend between the sheets and what you do to keep that sexual spark alive, is totally up to you. Physical intimacy is an absolutely important part of any relationship, more so for a marriage. Not only will it help strengthen your bond, it will bring you closer as a couple.
Granted that there are several external as well as internal factors that might affect your desire to get naughty between the sheets, like work-related stress, pregnancy, children, financial pressures, weight gain, body issues and the like. However, these cannot hold you back from physical intimacy altogether. If you value something and make it a priority, then you will have the will to make time for it. Usually, during the first year of marriage, you both go at it like bunnies. But if you don’t, it’s because you’ve stopped making time for something as important as physical intimacy, not because you both got hitched.
3. Financial stress is a reality
You and your partner were raised in different backgrounds and ethos. So it’s only natural to have individualistic opinions about everything, including money. While you may be the kind who always plans for the future and saves money, your partner might be the opposite kind. The kind who lives each day as if it’s their last day on Earth. And if you haven’t lived together before getting married, merging your finances as well as your ways of thinking into one seamless one, can be a very difficult task to accomplish.
Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
So how to go about this problem? Easy, by being completely honest with each other about your financial situations before getting married. It might seem like a crude thing to talk about your finances when you’re in love, but trust me, no amount of love is worth the hassle of dealing with finances once you’ve marched down the aisle. It’s better to be safe than sorry. Both of you lay out your cards on the table – how much money each of you makes, what bills need to be paid, and other odds and ends.
Deciding on whether you both will share a bank account or if each of you will hand your share of the bills separately. Chalk out the bulk debt repayments, if any, and set aside money for it like clockwork. Never hide any significant debts or liabilities from your partner. It might be embarrassing to you, but embarrassment is better than fights and arguments later on, trust me. Just be honest and open with your partner about your finances, and you should be fine.
Suggested read: 20 things to expect during the first year of marriage
4. Fights and arguments are inevitable
Image source: Shutterstock
Of course, you used to fight and argue even when you were dating, but just because you’re married now, doesn’t mean you get a free pass. They are a part and parcel of any relationship, even marriage. And you can’t storm out of the house every time you disagree with your spouse, or stomp away and throw a tantrum. The only thin you can do is to learn how to fight fair. Trust me, it’s going to save you a lot of grief in your marriage.
While fights and arguments are inevitable, you need to keep in mind a few things. Never argue just for the sake of arguing. That just sharpens your tongue, while it eats away at the bond you share. Instead, argue to resolve issues that have cropped up. And while you’re at it, do not go to bed angry. But do so, if you want to be calm and rational when you address the issue. You know best what works for you both, so do what feels right for you and your relationship.
Understand that most fights aren’t worth having in the first place. Also, most of these can be resolved with a calm and rational discussion, rather than yelling and shouting at each other at the top of your lungs. On the flip side, never resort to silent treatment either. That’s the opposite of how to resolve conflicts in a marriage, that is, you’re cutting off all communication. Without communication, how, pray tell, do you intend to resolve the issues that have cropped up? Think before you act or open your mouth. And trust me, every couple argues and have disagreements. If a couple says they never argue, then know that either they’re lying through their teeth or they don’t have a real relationship. You just need to make sure that you have a cool and rational demeanor instead of flaring up at the slightest provocation. If that is the case, then walk away and come back to it when you’re calm.
5. Alone time is important even in a marriage
We cannot stress this point enough, because one of the side effects of marrying someone is that you don’t seem to have time away from your spouse at all. Before, when you were dating, you used to spend a few hours with each other, which you loved, and get back to your single life. This single life had you pursuing your hobbies, interests, hanging out with friends and family, or pursuing that weird interest that your partner scoffed at.
Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
But now that you’re hitched, you live with them, 24×7. How do you split your time between work, household chores, spending time with your spouse, cooking (if you know how), and pursuing your interests? This is a real issues that you need to discuss with your spouse. Because as important as it is to have time for regular date nights and naughty time between the sheets, you need to have time for yourself, where you do what you like, with who you like. You need to feel like you can have time to be by yourself, while still living under the same roof. One thing you can do is to schedule both your me-times on the same night every week.
If your spouse chooses to spend this downtime going out for a boys’ night, you could indulge in your love of baking cookies. Or if you want to hang out with your girls, he might prefer playing online games with his friends from overseas. Just make sure that you reserve time out for yourself from your schedule and all the hundred other things that require your attention. This time is when you get a chance to miss your spouse and which makes you appreciate the time you do spend together.
6. Living together and future goals
Image source: Shutterstock
Living together will not only bring you closer together, it will help strengthen the bond you already share. You’re going to love the fact that you share the same bed and can snuggle up to them whenever you feel like it. You are each other’s personal cheerleaders who support and cheer you on when you need it the most. You are each other’s best friend. What’s not to like, right?
However, during the first year of marriage, when you’re both getting used to each other’s constant presence in your lives, the smallest things seem to matter the most. This is especially true if you haven’t lived together before tying the knot. Little, insignificant things like him leaving the toilet seat up, her throwing her wet towel on the bed, him being cranky when he gets home from work, her leaving her makeup strewn all over the bathroom counter – all of these and more will drive you up the wall.
Suggested read: 7 rational reasons why the first year of marriage is crucial
This can be remedied by having a conversation with your spouse like the mature adult you are. Talk about who handles what chores, who’s going to pay for what, will there be pets to contend with, how to handle our alone time in between the busy schedules, etc. Touching upon these sensitive and not-so-sensitive issues beforehand will make matters a lot easier. If not before marriage, at least in the beginning would help too.
Once you figure out what works for you as a couple, marriage seems like sailing calm waters. Of course, there will be turbulence over the course of your journey, but if your bond is solid, and the foundation is unshakable, no storm can waylay the ship. Good luck!
Featured image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
Facebook
Disqus
Google + 
