You often hear people complaining about someone’s quick temper, or their infamous anger. While anger is a common emotion that every single human being feels, sometimes the amount of anger that is felt can get out of hand. This uncontrollable anger requires anger management, which most people are unaware about. There are a number of anger management tips that you can learn when you pay attention to your mental health, which can help you live a more fulfilling life.
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Feeling anger is a healthy emotion, which shouldn’t be looked at as a problem. However, if the smallest things make you extremely, uncontrollably angry, for example, getting stuck in traffic, or being interrupted when you are speaking or having someone break something in front of you, then you have anger issues which need to be addressed with utmost seriousness.
Why does anger need to be controlled?
Anger is neither a good thing, nor a bad thing. It is emotion that expresses the way you feel about something, but it is generally considered a negative outburst of emotions. It is imperative that you learn how to control and moderate the extent to which you express your anger, so that you don’t end up doing something you regret.
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The term “blinded by rage” is heard much too often, and it signifies a state where a person does irrational things in the heat of the moment. Anger is a powerful emotion, which can hamper logical reasoning and compel you to do radical things which are more often than not, bad decisions. Anger is also closely linked with violence, and unless you learn how to control your anger, you might end up vandalizing things, or hurting the people around you, without meaning to. Anger affects not only the person who is feeling angry, but the people around them also, which is why it is important to reign in the extent to which one expresses their anger.
Myths about anger
Here are a few common misconceptions about anger management, which causes more harm than good.
1. It is important to “vent” your anger
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A lot of people are under the impression that venting your anger is important to “let out” whatever pent up feelings you have within you. While it is true that holding your emotions in without expressing them is unhealthy, you have to be careful about how you let your emotions out, especially when you are feeling angry.
Oftentimes, the “letting out” part of feeling angry manifests itself in the form of aggression or violence, which is never a good thing, and the consequences only end up causing more anger, frustration and regrets. It also gives your brain the excuse to treat violence or outbursts as an automatic response to critical situations, which makes your very nature one of anger and aggression.
2. Anger cannot be controlled
When you reprimand someone for losing their temper over small things, you often hear them say “I can’t help it.” It is true that you don’t know what situation will trigger you to get angry, and which will cause you to lose your temper. However, just like every other emotion, you have the choice to determine exactly how and to what extent you express your anger.
Anger isn’t an uncontrollable force that takes over your brain when you lose your temper. There is always the scope to hold yourself back and exercise good judgment when you are in certain spaces and with certain people, to control the way you express your anger.
3. Anger makes people respect you more
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Most people who have an anger problem use it as an excuse to bully and terrorize people, and believe that it helps them get their way, much like a toddler throwing a tantrum to get his mother to buy him a toy. However, bullying and pressurizing people into liking you and following your instructions is not only a form of blackmail, but also very unhealthy.
It is important for people to follow your instructions and want to do things for you out of love or respect, and not fear and pressure. They won’t be willing to discuss things with you, if you lose your temper every time someone has an opposing opinion.
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Anger Management Tips
The end goal of anger management is to express what you feel in a healthy and controlled way. A lot of people avoid anger management techniques because they think it is about suppressing ones anger and learning how to not feel angry at all, which isn’t the case. Here are some super simple things you can do to make sure that the next time you lose your temper, you do so in a healthy way.
1. Find out what is causing your anger
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Anger is more often than not a latent issue that has nothing to do with external factors which apparently cause you to get angry. More often than not, you have other issues, which lead to your anger problem, which is just a knee-jerk reaction to something more serious.
Anger can stem from depression, stress, sleeping disorders, concentration problems, and other psychological problems. You should also see whether you have trouble expressing emotions other than aggression and anger, and whether you have trouble compromising with other people. These are the problems you need to address, rather than the symptom, or the outcome, which is anger.
2. Choose flight over fight
Often people who have an anger problem choose “fight” when it comes to a flight or fight situation. The smart thing to do would be to practice leaving the space and situation which is making you angry and just going away. Even though you might think it is unfeasible to leave, or it is escapist, it is a much better response than leaving destruction and meaningless actions in your wake which will make you feel much worse later.
3. Distract yourself
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One of the best ways to divert extreme anger and aggression the moment you are feeling it, is by distracting yourself. You have to remember that people who are angry are also momentarily insane, which makes them do stupid things and say things they don’t mean. Do avoid this entire mess, first you should take 10 deep breaths and then do something radically different, like exercising or listening to music or watching a movie in theatres in order to forget about your anger. Once you have calmed down, you can address the issue with much more sanity and rationality.
4. Do not self-deprecate or attack yourself
The reaction of some people upon getting irrationally angry, is to attack themselves with negative thoughts and ideas and even engaging in self-harm. This is very unhealthy, and you have to understand that getting angry, or losing control of yourself when you are angry doesn’t make you weak or mean. It makes you human.
The fact that you cannot control your anger is simply because you haven’t understood your anger, and you have other, more serious pressures that have to be addressed when you are not enraged. Once you become self-aware, you will automatically find it easier to walk away from situations where you feel you might lose your temper.
5. Control your anger before it gets too much to handle
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An important part of anger management is recognizing and acknowledging that you have an anger problem. Becoming aware of yourself and the common signs which signal the onset of an anger attack is one of the best ways to control your anger, before you lose your mind and actually become blind with rage. When see symptoms like
- Clenched fists or jaw
- Knots in your stomach
- A fast pulse
- Inability to concentrate on anything
- Tensed muscles
- Fast breathing
Or any other thing that might happen to you right before you get very angry, take a deep breath and leave the situation. Do not think about your circumstances at all, and stop yourself right before you lose complete control of your action. Before you can convince yourself that losing your temper completely is the best idea ever, think about the consequences for once second, and ask yourself whether it is worth it. More often than not, your still intact rational side will show you that getting irrationally angry is not the solution, and you will be able to walk away or ignore the situation before things get out of hand.
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Anger has been the root cause of a lot of problems and unnecessary altercations. It has ended marriages and relationship and scarred people for life, because of anger issues that someone close to them had. Learning to control your anger is a slow and gradual process, which you need to be completely dedicated to. But the good news is all the anger management tips that I have listed above are simple steps which don’t require you to get years of treatment and therapy. Practicing them every day is all you need to lead a healthier, balanced and controlled lifestyle.
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