Of all the blunders you could ever do in your relationship, saying the wrong thing to your girlfriend before or during sex is the worst one. And of course, all the pheromones, testosterone, and other chemicals at play are to be blamed, but she isn’t going to give in to these excuses. Where a moment ago, you were enjoying an intense and passionate embrace, one word and you are left alone in bed. You keep trying to recall what you said that made her leave you stranded in the island of desire.
Suggested read: 15 women reveal the sweetest things to say to your girlfriend
The absolute WORST things to say to your girlfriend before/during sex:
1. You look different.
News flash: everyone looks different without their clothes on. And to find out that the person you are about to get intimate with finds your body ‘different,’ is a huge blow. Either say that she is beautiful, or shut it!
2. How about a sandwich first?
Wow, so much for making her feel special, although a little less than a sandwich, but who cares, right?
3. Let’s get this over with.
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So sex is just another task for you, like doing laundry. Well, now that you have ruined your chances of getting some, go do your laundry, and fold it too.
4. <Insert ex’s name> used to do it differently.
Well, here is a clue to why you should not bring up your ex before or during sex with your present girlfriend: She is an EX! Your current girlfriend does not need to hear about her or she ‘used to do things differently,’ while you are in bed together. It’s logic.
5. I’m going to show you heaven.
15 seconds do not count as good times. It’s not anywhere near to the stairway to heaven. Just don’t promise something that you can’t deliver, and increase the pressure on performing well, all the while raising her hopes.
6. I’m done, help yourself.
She has two boyfriends – her hands and you. And it seems the former does more work than you. You are soon going to be replaced, for good.
7. It’s just sex!
And you wonder why you haven’t had a steady relationship with a woman for more than a few weeks! It’s never ‘just sex.’ There is more to it. It’s an intimate act of getting to know each other, while being completely and emotionally vulnerable.
8. Did I tell you what happened at work today?
No, you did not, and you don’t have to talk about it either. At least, not right now. It would be nice if you attend to the matter at hand, that is, being completely involved in sex, and paying attention to the needs of your partner. The Peter-being-fired story can wait.
9. Remembering your mom, sis or aunt.
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Does this even need an explanation? These women are your family and you have every right to remember or talk about them when you want. The only exception to this golden rule is: Don’t talk about them while you are making love to your girlfriend. Because, frankly, what about you having sex with your girlfriend reminded you of your sister?!
10. Oh! Megan Fox!
So you, like many other people, fantasize about an internationally acclaimed beauty. And you wanted to tell your girlfriend about it. But you seriously suck at your timing. Also, if you were hoping that by this ridiculous proclamation of your fantasy, you were actually trying to motivate your girlfriend to imitate the said object of your fantasy, wait till you hear her yell out Chris Evans!
11. I don’t have any condoms!
Unless you two have been in a long term relationship, or are absolutely sure that your partner does not have an STD, or you both have already talked about it, this is absolutely a no-no. It’s important to use condoms, for your sexual health and for contraceptive measures.
12. I got us some blindfolds and cuffs.
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If she has been asking you to be a little spontaneous, it doesn’t mean suddenly mentioning a kink you want to try right before or during sex. She might not be comfortable with it and it will ruin the mood. What you can do instead is have a conversation with her about trying new things in the bedroom, and make sure she’s fully on board before venturing forth.
13. I need to shave.
Kudos to you for being self conscious about your personal hygiene. But how about not flaunting it right before sex and grossing her out? You don’t want her to imagine your pubic hair on the bathroom floor when she shuts her eyes while you are pleasuring her. *shudder*
14. Have you put on weight?
As if the question had not crossed her mind. Well, this one question should never be asked, whatever the situation. Just leave this one alone. Making a woman conscious about her body while she is quite vulnerable, is the worst thing ever. Commenting negatively on her body before or during sex will only result in one thing – the end of your relationship.
Suggested read: 15 adorably romantic things to say to your girlfriend after making love
15. I have to send an email.
You both are under the covers, feeling each other up, all sweaty and hot and then you remember about an email from work. It’s okay. Office work has a way of sneaking up in our mind. But you don’t need to think aloud. She doesn’t want to feel as boring as your official email.
16. Something stinks.
Yes, your chance of getting any action between the sheets stinks! When she is in your arms, and you think something smells, she will probably think that you find her stinky, and she, in turn, will find you repulsive. It’s not a good idea to embarrass your girlfriend any time before, during or after sex. Kills the mood, dude.
17. Let’s do it to p*rn.
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Way to set the ambience! It’s really hard to understand why she didn’t want to do it watching and listening to the most unrealistic and scripted way of having sex. Her loss, no? 😛
18. Making bizarre noises.
This one’s pretty self-explanatory. She is having sex with you, not strangling or murdering you. You are having a romantic time; you are not an extra in a horror movie. Don’t grunt or make any other old man noises. It will remind her of her grandfather, something she doesn’t want to think while getting naughty with you.
19. I have made a million women smile; if you know what I mean.
You bet. But the fact itself isn’t going to make her smile. You need to do the deed to get there. So how about less words and more action? No point bragging about it.
20. You are still very dry.
It’s because you are not doing your job very well. Rather than complaining, get better at foreplay.
21. Am I doing it right?
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More than anything, women love confidence in their men. It’s sexy and a great turn on. If you keep asking for feedback for each and every step during sex, it will simply put her off. If she doesn’t like something, she will let you know.
22. Asking about her ex.
He might have been amazing in bed, but they broke up. The sex might have been good, but he did something to hurt her. Although you just want to confirm that you are better in bed than her ex, asking about it while you two are enjoying has to be the dumbest thing ever. It will bring back memories of hurt, and completely ruin her mood.
23. I love you/Marry me!
Unless you are completely sure of her feelings towards you, don’t try your luck and utter these words while having sex. It will shoot her libido down forever. This figures at the top of a list of worst things to say to your girlfriend during sex.
24. I’m very drunk.
Oh, what a perfect time to make love to your girlfriend, blame any mishap to the fact that you were drunk, and forget everything in the morning. Everyone loves to be forgotten in the morning.
25. Your skin is so much smoother than…
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It’s understandable that you find her attractive and want to appreciate her. But comparing her to someone else, even while trying to compliment her, is absolutely wrong. Remember, you need to focus on her.
26. I feel the need – the need for speed.
Tom Cruise stole our hearts with this particular line from Top Gun. You can use it while driving a car, not while having sex with your girlfriend. Movie dialogues may sound better in certain situations, but they need good timing. Sex, however, is not the time or place for such things. Reason: Elementary, my dear Watson!
27. Let’s take some pictures.
This, again, qualifies as something to be discussed way before you have even thought of having sex. Sneaking such an idea into bed while you are already in the act with your girlfriend, seems like a test for her. She might not be comfortable with the idea, and no longer in the mood to take it any further.
28. Swearing/Dirty talk.
Again, this is a matter of comfort zone. A few words might be fine to let the heat and passion out. But too much can be a letdown for your girl.
29. Let’s make a baby.
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If your relationship has reached that stage where you can talk about the next step, about having babies, during sex is still not the right time. Take her out to visit friends who have kids, or for a nice dinner and then talk about it. You don’t drop a “baby” bomb during sex. Your relationship will become a casualty of such an explosion.
Suggested read: 50 romantic things to say to your boyfriend to make him flush with pleasure
30. Awkward silence.
While too much talk can ruin the mood, no communication at all will ruin any further chances of having sex ever. She needs to hear that you are indeed enjoying yourself in her company.
Sex is a way of celebrating your intimacy with another person. It’s about comfort. It is not meant to make a huge decision or have discussions. If you have a question about your partner’s preferences and liking, get answers before going into the bedroom. Appreciate her, pay attention to her, and get involved in the act. Don’t say anything that you wouldn’t like to hear from her. So now that you know the worst things to say to your girlfriend while getting naughty, steer clear of them – always!
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