Just when you thought you finally found the person of your dreams, you were made to feel like a complete loser and then you called it quits. Well, that happens and it happens quite a lot. Sometimes you get into a relationship thinking that this is it, maybe because of how it all started in the beginning. But, as you tread further, you realize that you are settling for less and many people stay in these sorts of relationships fearing that they won’t be able to move on. But, truth be told, everyone recovers from such relationships and the sooner you get out of it, the better. These incidents make you realize your true potential and teach you never to settle for less than you deserve. Perhaps it’s alright to get out of this mess and wait until you find the right person.
Suggested read: 14 things you should NEVER tolerate in your marriage
Here are 20 things you should never settle for in a relationship:
1. Having a time keeper
These people keep track of your every minute and want you to adhere to timelines. They probably want you back home at a certain time and if you came a minute late, all hell breaks loose. It’s best to lose them! They believe that there is a time for everything, (while that might be true, it may not apply for everything in your relationship) a time to wake up, to sleep, and to call them. We believe if you are in a relationship with someone like this, their time is up!
2. Your proxy parent
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These people are cute in the beginning because they make you believe that they truly care for you. They know it all (just like your parents!) and know what’s best for you. Initially, they chauffeur you around, ensure you have eaten on time, and give you advice on your career. But after a while, they begin to smother you with all their goodness. Soon enough, they tell you who to talk to and who not to, they grant you permission to do things that you shouldn’t need someone to tell you. Boy! They sure are your parents in disguise, and no one wants such a complicated life. Having someone constantly tell you what you’re supposed to do can lead to severe headaches and you’ll know that you are settling for less when it happens.
3. Being treated like a commodity
Do yourself a favor and stop letting yourself being treated like you are an object. For example, when your partner asks you to come to a party just so you can be flaunted around or this person is nice to you only when he wants to get in your pants! These people value looks over substance, and give way more importance to your appearance than who you are as a person.
4. The invisible partner
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So, your partner has a wide social circle and they go out at least 2 nights per week. However, you seem to be left out almost every time. This disinclined nature of not introducing you to their social circle should ring a warning bell for you. Usually, couples like to show off their partners and if your partner hasn’t been taking you around, it is cause for suspicion. If that’s the case, then you become their invisible girlfriend or boyfriend that they prefer having. It’s not worth it to be settling in a relationship of this type.
5. Having to pretend to be someone else
Well, sometimes we do have to pretend to like the people we meet or pretend that we have excellent table manners. But, in your romantic relationships, you should be with someone who lets you be your best self and you should never settle for less. I knew someone who totally disliked jazz music, but her partner was into it and for a very long time she had to partake in all those jazz sessions he would attend in town. You could tell from her face that it just wasn’t her thing, but she had to sit through numerous hours just listening to it while her partner hardly made an attempt to understand that she didn’t like it one bit.
6. Expecting them to change
Let’s not fool ourselves, sometimes we fall in love with the “future” person that we think the person will turn into. Therefore, we persistently try to change the person. If a person has to change themselves for you to be able to like them, then it’s surely not worth your time and effort. Remind yourself to never settle for less!
7. Being manipulated
Most people who get manipulated aren’t conscious of what’s happening. Quite often, this is seen by someone else (a third person). If people are hinting that you are being manipulated by your partner, it may be a wise thing to revaluate the whole relationship. Sometimes you may not realize that the other person is making you do things that you don’t like or want to by means of emotional blackmail or by means of reverse psychology. In plain words, this is manipulation, and you need to identify it before it’s too late.
8. Making solo decisions
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We already hate the type, don’t we? If you haven’t been asked for your choice of pizza topping or if you aren’t allowed to listen to your favorite song on the radio, and if your partner is making all these decisions on your behalf, it’s a sign that you are settling for less than you deserve. These characters are extremely self-centred and you know very well how this could end.
9. Being lied to
We aren’t talking about a white lie here. Yes, sometimes small and harmless lies are necessary in order to prevent people from getting hurt. But it’s different when someone is repeatedly playing the fool and using lies to get their way out of things and situations. You shouldn’t have to take the trouble to verify every single thing that the person says; when you do this regularly, then you are up against a person that can never be trusted. That’s a straight NO.
10. Unstable
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Instability of any kind should be treated as a warning. Especially when it comes to mood swings, income, and relationships. If a person cannot sustain the basic stability that a relationship requires and often philanders or has extreme mood swings that cause awkward moments which are hard to decipher, then clearly the person can be tagged as unstable.
Suggested read: 10 unmistakable signs you’re being emotionally manipulated by your partner
11. Securing an insecure person
Wouldn’t it be downright annoying having to frequently reassure an absolutely insecure person? Having said that, there are way too many people who aren’t very comfortable with things like keeping in touch with an ex, being friendly with people of the opposite gender, being wealthy, earning more than their partner and so on. We suggest that you pass on these people as they become difficult to handle after a certain point.
12. Verbal, physical, and emotional abuse
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That’s just not done, and it’s not normal. Some women become susceptible to abuse which later turns into domestic violence, and then it becomes hard for them to ever speak up for themselves. The rule of thumb here is that abuse of any kind should NOT be tolerated. Initially, it may begin verbally which slowly could also turn into physical and mental torture. The first signs of abuse start verbally and when you see something like this happen, that’s a huge red flag! No matter how nice the person is otherwise, if they turn violent verbally or physically and cause harm to you emotionally, that action is never justifiable. You may regard it as a one off case but it’s usually these moments when you don’t retaliate or take immediate action that builds up into something that is irreversible.
13. Discounting you or your efforts
In other words, this means taking you for granted. If you aren’t showered with a little Thank You or a gesture that makes you go “awww” very often for all the things you do for your partner, then be sure that you are getting discounted.
14. Overlooking a quality that annoys you
Yeah, it’s said that you can’t have everything. Something around the lines of having your cake and eating it too. So, sometimes you overlook certain qualities in an individual. While we aren’t asking you to strive hard for the perfect person, it is important that you keep tabs of their habits and other qualities. These could be various things like smoking, talking with their mouth full, being a spendthrift, or nagging. In the beginning, you might ignore it owing to your quality of “letting go,” but in the long run, these things definitely add up.
15. Personal hygiene
This probably needs no explanation. Bad breath, body odor, and unkempt feet and hands have no excuse whatsoever!
16. Overly attached and obsessive person
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Let’s make this simple; the definition of an overly attached person is someone who is so deeply in love with you even after just three dates! Well, don’t mistake that for love because this madness could be overwhelming if you ever decide to leave this person. Very often, obsessive people turn into stalkers!
17. Having to love their friends
If you have to force yourself to love your partner’s friends, then we surely want you to reconsider this exciting offer to go ahead in your relationship. Mainly, because your partner is never going to let go of their friends and you will be hanging out with them if you plan to stick with your partner in the long term. Hence, if you don’t really like their friends and can’t seem to get along with them no matter what, we suggest that you don’t invest your time in this relationship.
18. The calculating one
This person is easy to identify even in a crowd, because they are always thinking of ways to benefit from you. It could be for monetary reasons, to build their network and contacts, or to fit into your social scene. For them, you are like a ticket to Hollywood, and they are in this relationship for everything but you. Trust me, it’s not very hard to identify these people.
19. No match in wavelength
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It’s alright if your partner isn’t compatible with you in terms of your intelligence or looks. But on the other hand, if they aren’t matching your wavelength in terms of their thought process, ethics, and values, then you sure have a bumpy road ahead of you. Before settling into a relationship, ensure that you are on par with each other in all these aspects.
Suggested read: 8 reasons why you should NEVER apologize for your emotional baggage
20. Discovering sexuality
One might wonder why this is important; please allow us to elaborate. If your partner has an aversion towards sexual feelings and you notice that they aren’t very comfortable being intimate with you, chances are they haven’t yet discovered their sexuality and haven’t yet come out, if you know what I mean. Haven’t we all heard of that one couple that got divorced right after their marriage on “unknown” grounds? A lot of times, people succumb to societal pressure and put up a farce, so don’t get fooled.
Eventually, we do settle in a relationship after weighing our options. Hopefully, that’s because the pros far outweigh the cons in the relationship. However, if there is one thing that you must do is, it’s never settle for less, no matter what.
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