Breakups are always hard, no matter who broke up with whom. There is nothing fun or glamorous about a breakup, provided you were emotionally invested in your ex. It hurts. A lot. Although different people have different ways of dealing with a breakup, the usual symptoms include becoming reclusive, drinking a lot, feeling like there is no happiness left in the world, and crying. But then, if breakups make you feel so bad, why would you go through with it in the first place?
No matter how bad you feel, you have to remember why the breakup happened in the first place and not succumb to your emotional vulnerability. You have to get back on your feet and not let your life come to a standstill.
Suggested read: Physical effects of heartbreak – how your body reacts to a breakup
These 20 simple but highly effective steps are bound to help you get over your emotional crisis, and also bring back the fun, happy you after breakup.
1. Come to terms with the past
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Not hating the past that you shared with your ex is very important if you ever want to get over your breakup. When you harbor negative feelings about the past, you tend to think of it more, which unnecessarily adds to the emotional toll on you. It is best if you stick to thinking about the things that your ex could not give you, and why reconciliation was impossible, rather than keeping tabs about who hurt whom.
2. Catharsis – let your grief out
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A breakup isn’t a bed of roses and it is bound to hurt. You might even doubt your decisions, but you have to stand your ground. In order to let out the grief and the frustration that comes with this emptiness and confusion, find an outlet. Whether it is writing or singing or talking to friends, do not be afraid to face the reality and put it out in the open after your breakup.
3. Talk to people around you
One of the typical signs of a breakup is becoming reclusive and reticent. You might think that no one in this world will understand what you are going through, but you underestimate the value of a good listener. They might have been through a similar experience, or, if not anything, they can listen to you vent. There is no better therapy.
4. Catch up with your friends
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People get into relationships and become too busy to care about anyone else, but all that is gone now. Flip through your phonebook, go through your Facebook friend list, and get back in touch with people you haven’t caught up with in a while. The nostalgia trip is bound to make you emotional in all the right ways.
5. Focus on you
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For a long time now, you have been referring to everything in your life as ‘we,’ a habit that is suddenly lost. Take advantage of the situation to focus on yourself and make decisions that will affect you and you alone for a change. This will help you get on the right track in recovering from the breakup.
6. Make a productive schedule and stick to it
Making a schedule helps you get your life back in order, and is also likely to keep you occupied and busy so that you don’t lapse into long phases of brooding over your dead relationship.
7. Acquire that skill you have always wanted
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If you have always wanted to experience horse riding, then this is the perfect time to learn. You have an ample amount of free time on your hands, and it is best if you don’t idly stay alone with your thoughts for too long. Learn a new skill, whether it is something practical or just for fun, and life will feel much more purposeful and fulfilling.
8. Grab your backpack and set out to travel
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There is nothing that heals old wounds better than traveling and exploring somewhere new. You can travel with your family, friends, or better yet, by yourself to come to terms with the fact that you are awesome all on your own. It is time for you to get out of the couple routine that you had stuck to all this while, and traveling is the best way to do so, no matter where you go.
Suggested read: 12 signs it’s time to get over your breakup
9. Work on looking fabulous
Just because you have broken up with someone does not mean that you have to spoil yourself with so-called ‘comfort food.’ Instead, start a new workout routine that will leave you feeling beautiful and confident, inside and out. What better way to get your groove back after breakup than feeling and looking fabulous?
10. Go out partying with your girls
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This is not an excuse to check out other potential partners at a bar. You are going drinking or partying with your friends purely for the sake of letting go of all your fears and inhibitions, and having the time of your life. This sets the ball rolling for healing after a breakup.
11. Refrain from abuse
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Most of the time, people use heartbreak as an excuse to indulge in substance/alcohol abuse, which is going to be fatal for you in the long run. Going out drinking with your friends once in a while is perfectly fine, but if you think being intoxicated and inebriated at all times is going to make you forget your pain, think again.
12. It is perfectly okay to have rebounds
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Having rebounds is a great way to get your groove back after a breakup. Find someone hot or funny and get together with them, just so that you have something positive to fall back on when you are low. It can be a fun fling, but you never know. Just make sure you are fair to whoever it is.
13. List the positives of being single
This is one of those quintessential stages after a breakup. You might have been used to having someone in your life, but once you start listing the positives of just being your own person, the general bleakness in your life will start to dissipate.
14. Reach out for reasons to be happy
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You might be having a really bad time right now, but that should not prevent you from going out and looking for positivity. When you do find something that makes you happy and optimistic, do not be afraid to go out and get them. One should never feel guilty for seeking their own happiness.
15. Don’t keep wondering if he misses you
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Coming to terms with your past and not letting go of your past are two completely different things. If you are feeling down after breakup, do not keep wondering if he is feeling the same, and whether he is missing you, because you will regret your actions and wind up feeling even worse. When they say ‘move on’ after a breakup, they really mean move on.
16. If you lived together, move out for a change of scenario
If you continue to occupy the same space, the memories might get overwhelming. A change of scenario is a must after you have broken up, especially if it was with your live-in partner. You can even stay with your parents for some time if you don’t want to sell the house or look for a new one.
17. Get a pet
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One of the most underrated solutions to any life crisis is getting a pet. A pet can be a major positive influence in your life, and having one around to constantly take care of will also keep you occupied and busy.
18. Don’t listen to depressing music
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This is one of the more literal ways to get your groove back on after you have broken up. Listening and re-listening to ‘your’ song and songs about heartbreak and lost love is not going to help your case. Listening to more upbeat, positive music can really remind you of the good things in life.
Suggested read: Learning to fall in love with breakups
19. Avoid places where you might meet him
Meeting your ex out of the blue post-breakup is a huge setback if you are trying to climb back on your feet. You might have garnered a ton of mutual friends, but it is best if you try to avoid gatherings where he might be around.
20. Rediscover your self-worth and independence
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It is very important to get reconnected with yourself after you leave a relationship. You have to learn to establish yourself as a person, and understand your own independence and strength, and – perhaps most important of all – rediscover that your happiness does not depend on another individual.
Splitting from someone you love, or at least someone you used to love, is difficult but not impossible to get over. After the initial crying and catharsis, you can get your life back on track, and be more awesome than you ever were before.
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