A relationship is a beautiful thing that works only when the required effort is put in, by both partners. It isn’t something that you ignore for long periods of time and then come back to work towards it. No. You have to work on your relationship EVERY DAY. Only then does it shape as a beautiful and wonderful thing in your life.
However, the work that you put into the relationship needs to be the right kind. That’s where the all-important relationship rules come in. If you follow these rules that have been handed down from our forebears (not really, but that’s a good way to think of these, eh? ;)), then you should have no problem being in a healthy, mature, and loving relationship with your partner.
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So without further ado, let’s take a look at these relationship rules.
1. Be honest.
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Be honest with your partner, no matter what. Honesty is one of the cornerstones of any relationship, and there’s no substitute for it. It doesn’t mean you have to tell all your dirty little secrets and the not-so-rosy ones to your partner, but means that you share all the important things – from your past and present – that have the power to affect them. To gain your partner’s trust, you have to be honest, for without trust, the relationship is bound to crumble at the slightest tremors.
2. Compromising is essential.
Compromise doesn’t mean one partner loses to the other, because there are no winners or losers in a relationship. Both of you are equally important for the relationship to work. It’s all about balance and knowing to pick your battles wisely. You both have to compromise and sacrifice for the relationship to sustain and grow. That’s the nature of a relationship. If you’re one of those who always wants to have their way, then stay away from a relationship.
3. Arguing is healthy.
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Whoever said that happy couples don’t argue, was feeding you a load of BS. In fact, they just might be deluding themselves that they’re happy or one of them is holding something in and it’s only a matter of time that they’ll erupt. Truth be told, it’s healthy to argue, to bicker. But what is NOT healthy is to have shouting matches. Argue, air out your issues, discuss, and come up with solutions to your problems together, as a team.
4. It’s not your job to fix your partner.
Just as you are an individual with distinct likes, dislikes, quirks, and problems of your own, your partner is the same. Remember, you can’t magically fix them, however much you might wish to. But what you can do is help them fix themselves, be the support system that they can lean on. You cannot resolve their self-esteem issues or wipe away all of their insecurities. Instead of trying to fix them, you need to be there for them and help them through it.
5. Understand your partner’s background.
Understand that the person you’re with today wasn’t the same one who was before they met you. That they’ve experienced many hardships, happiness, sadness, and everything in between to become the person they are now. Appreciate and understand their past. Maybe she’s insecure because she never got her parents’ approval, or he’s stoic because his family wasn’t particularly effusive in their affection.
6. Thoughtfulness is always appreciated.
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This is one of those relationship rules that are eternal. Thoughtful gestures and thoughtfulness doesn’t always mean grand gestures. Small things like listening when they’re talking, paying attention to them make all the difference in the world.
7. Grand gestures aren’t always needed to express your love.
Granted that your partner loves it when you make an extravagant gesture like a fancy dinner at an expensive restaurant, or a big bouquet of exotic flowers, or plan a luxury vacation. However, this is not feasible in the long run. You don’t always burn a hole in your pocket to express how much you love them. A simple gesture like an ‘I love you’ when they least expect it, or a sunset stroll, or even breakfast in bed, just because, would let them know that you love them very much. Money isn’t necessary to show love. The thoughtfulness behind the gesture shows love.
8. Relationship advice is meant to be taken with a pinch of salt.
There’s no question that relationship advice/tips can be immensely helpful, but only you and your partner know what’s right for you both and your relationship. You know best what works and what doesn’t. Whatever advice you receive, it’s for your consideration only, it’s not the absolute truth.
9. There’s nothing wrong with asking help.
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There’s no relationship that doesn’t have issues and problems. If you’re in need of some pointers, the internet, books, and even a trusted third party who is known for their discretion, could offer some insight into how to go about it. There’s absolutely nothing wrong in seeking help when you’re stuck. But remember rule #8 though.
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10. Value each other’s interests.
You and your partner are bound to share different interests, at least one. And it’s perfectly fine, as long as you value their interests, just like they do yours. Even if their interest doesn’t interest you, no matter; what’s important is to pay attention and respect your partner’s likes. It’s a plus if you get to know how she came to be passionate about airplanes or how he began cooking the most delicious meals.
11. Ask for something if you’re not getting it.
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Remember, your partner is not a mind reader, and neither are you. If you think that your partner isn’t giving you what you need, ask for it. Communicate, because that’s how healthy relationships are built.
12. Do NOT use sex as a bargaining tool.
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Trust me, no good can come of it. Never, ever hold sex and physical intimacy as leverage to get what you want from your partner. You might get what you were looking for and even feel satisfied that you bent your partner to your will, but it will never last. Either of two things is bound to happen if you do this enough times: one, your partner will seek their physical needs elsewhere, or two, your partner loses trust in you and the relationship, and it’s only a matter of time before the whole relationship comes tumbling down. Either way, it’s a lose-lose.
13. Nobody understands your relationship.
Only you and your partner understand your relationship, and you are the only two to whom it makes sense. Similarly, you can’t understand anyone else’s relationship, so don’t even try it. So you need to do what’s best for you and your partner, and not what someone else thinks you ought to do.
14. Don’t stop wooing your partner.
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Just because you’re both in a place where you’re both comfortable with each other, doesn’t mean you have to stop dating and wooing your partner. NEVER get complacent about your partner. In order to do that, you need to NOT stop doing things you used to do at the start of the relationship. You should never stop trying to show your S.O. how much you care. Never let them feel that they don’t matter as much anymore. That’s the worst kind of feeling.
15. Do not hold grudges.
Holding grudges, keeping score, being spiteful – all these will definitely destroy your relationship. If your partner hurts you, hurting them back to even the score is just not right. If you feel as if you need to keep score and be spiteful to them, then you probably shouldn’t be with them anymore.
16. Try to put in equal money into the relationship.
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It’s very rare that you and your partner both earn the same amount. But it’s only fair to share the costs and split the bills as much as possible. Communicate what you’re comfortable with, and go with it. No one partner should put in more effort into a relationship than the other, so no one partner should put more money into a relationship. It will only breed resentment and bitterness.
17. Accept that your partner is not perfect, and neither are you.
It’s not about finding the perfect person, but the right person who is perfect for you. There’s no such thing as a perfect person. Everyone has flaws, everyone makes mistakes. Accepting these flaws, working through these mistakes is what makes you and your partner close to perfect.
18. Accept that you need to have tough conversations.
If you see the relationship going somewhere, and envision a future with your partner, then it’s only fair that you bring up the tough stuff. If you’re falling for your partner but have some issues that need to be clarified, bring them up sooner rather than later when it’s too late to do anything about. Granted that it’s difficult to have serious conversations, but it’s necessary to have them so you know that you’re going into the relationship with your eyes open, and know that your partner is the one.
19. Never tell your gut to ‘shut up.’
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Your instincts are there for a reason. Always trust your instincts. If your gut is telling you that something isn’t right, listen to it. More often than not, your instincts will be correct, and ignoring them will get you nowhere.
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20. Be wary when trusting a third person with relationship troubles.
You can’t help but share some of your relationship troubles with close friends and/or family. But be very wary when it comes to what and how much you share. If you share every little issue, every tiff, every disagreement, you will only succeed in turning your friends against your partner. Find a healthy way to vent that won’t put your relationship at jeopardy.
These are the relationship rules you need to keep in mind at ALL times. And if you follow these religiously, you will have no complaints with your relationship or your partner.
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