Relationships are tricky. One minute you’re just fine, and the next, you could be floundering, trying to make sense of what went wrong. However, this swaying from one extreme to the other doesn’t happen overnight. It happens over a period of time, slowly, step by step. And if you’re not careful, it springs up when you least expect it.
So if you want to have a perfect (or a near-perfect relationship) with someone, you have to work at it daily, and not just rely on your good luck and leave it to Fate. A near-perfect, healthy, stable, and happy relationship needs consistent effort, love, care, affection, and a strong bond that needs to worked at every day. While doing is just one side of the coin that is a relationship, the other side, not doing certain things, also need to be looked at.
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How to have a perfect relationship
If you want to know how to have a perfect relationship with your partner, you need to learn to NOT do these things that happy couples swear by.
1. Don’t wash your dirty linen in public
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This can’t be stressed enough. While you may trust your friends and family, not all of them can be your confidants. Never discuss your relationship problems, the ins and outs of your private life with your partner with outsiders. Obviously, your friends and family would have an opinion on the matter, but you may not like what they have to say. And sometimes, it so happens that they may even curdle the liquid instead of calming the seas. So the best way to overcome the ups and downs you face in your relationship is to talk to each other and work it out together, as a team.
2. Don’t make comparisons to other couples
Comparisons can only lead to heartache. Comparing your partner to someone else, or your relationship to others’, is just plain unfair and unrealistic. You and your partner have a unique relationship dynamic that is not replicated elsewhere. Similarly, the other couple’s dynamic can’t become yours. This will only lead to insecurities and unnecessary anxieties about yourself and your relationship.
3. Don’t play the blame game
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You alone are responsible for your feelings and emotions. Your partner can contribute to that, but they are not responsible. So you need to take responsibility for your own feelings. Never blame your partner for your feelings; instead, communicate, talk it out with them and ask for help or resolve the issue that you’ve let fester.
4. Don’t take everything too seriously
Including yourself! Life is meant to be experienced with a pinch of salt. No use fussing and fretting over every little thing. Happy couples enjoy life because they take it as it comes, instead of ruing or fussing over things that are out fo their control. Laugh frequently, love more often, and live fully. Even when the going gets rough, your ability to see the lighter side of life is what keeps you grounded and going forward, one step at a time.
5. Don’t criticize just for the heck of it
Criticism can be taken in the right vein when it’s given in the right vein. But if you fling criticism at your partner at every available opportunity, the relationship won’t last long. Instead of criticizing each other, look for ways to work whatever issue has cropped up with sensitivity.
6. Don’t let money come between you two
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Money troubles can cause a rift in the strongest of couples. In fact, money is one of the leading causes for divorces. So addressing financial issues as and when they arise instead of allowing it to fester only to be blown up at a later date, is not going to make a happy relationship. Discuss your financial goals, status, and make responsible decisions for a secure future.
7. Don’t assume what your partner wants
What happens when you assume? You make an A$$ out of U and ME! So stop assuming what your partner wants and needs. While it may be true that you know your partner best, never assume you know everything there is to know about what they want or need. Instead, communicate well in order to understand what the other truly wants and needs. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together, spell out what you’re feeling, what affects you, and what your desires are. Then, there won’t be any room left for misunderstandings.
8. Don’t choose a bad time
There’s a good time and a bad time for everything. You need to use your discretion to figure out what is a good time to have a serious talk with them, and what is a good time to be playful and tease them. When you pick a bad time to discuss something really important to you, they won’t be able to give you or the issue at hand the attention it deserves. That will only cause resentment in you for their seemingly lack of interest. It will also make you frustrated and angry, and also make you question your importance in their life. So when you want to communicate and/or discuss your feelings with them, all you have to do is ask. Ask them, and then proceed.
9. Don’t obsess about what you bring to the table
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Most people have their preset ‘roles’ in a relationship, whether it’s doing the laundry or mowing the lawn. But, what happy couples do differently is to take on chores/tasks that go beyond their ‘roles,’ because they’re not obsessed about what is a woman’s job and what is a man’s job. They want to get things done when they need to be done, regardless of whose job it is in the grand scheme of things. This applies to simple chores like folding the washed laundry to a daily one like cooking two meals every day.
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10. Don’t tell your partner what to do
Most people have this idea that they alone know what’s best for everyone else around them. If you’re one such person, stop right there. Instead of telling them to do or not do something, let them make their own mistakes and learn from them. Encourage them in their pursuits, be the support system that they need beside them, and motivate them to achieve greater things.
11. Don’t rush your relationship
Never try to rush through the various stages of a relationship. Let it take its own time and get there at its own pace. Everyone wants to have a happily ever after, but you need to be able to enjoy the journey that will get you there too. It’s equally, if not more, enjoyable than the destination itself.
12. Don’t make your relationship your emotional crutch
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Granted that having a healthy, stable, happy relationship sure does add color and vigor to your life, it does not solve your problems. Only you can do that, because you are the only one responsible for your life. So it’s your job to fix what you don’t like about your life; not your relationship’s, and certainly not your partner’s. However, in your quest to fix your life, do not neglect your relationship.
13. Don’t expect the relationship to be a cakewalk
While it is amazing to be in a long-term relationship with another person, it rarely ever is easy. There are always going to be ups and downs, challenges and questions that arise in the relationship. It would do you good if you see these as opportunities to learn and grow – both as an individual as well as a couple. Because change is the only constant, and learning as you change is what emotional and physical growth is all about.
14. Don’t hold back
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It might be an instinct to hold yourself back from loving your partner fully and wholly and completely. But you’d be losing out by not giving your one hundred percent to them and your relationship. Being a part of a happy couple is all about being vulnerable by giving them a chance to hurt you, while at the same time, trusting them not to. Love and relationships are a matter of taking a leap of faith – you having faith in them and vice versa.
15. Don’t keep secrets
Everyone has secrets, but the problem arises when these secrets bring a rift in your relationship. Secrets have the power to destroy even the strongest of relationships. Because trust is a fragile thing, you need to be careful about what secrets you want to keep from your partner. In a way, keeping secrets that might affect your relationship is akin to lying to your partner. And as you well know, nothing good ever comes of lying, and the same goes for secrets too.
16. Don’t hide who you are
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As clichéd as this sounds, you have to be yourself at all times. If you can’t be yourself with the person you love, how can you be happy? Happy couples love each other for who and what they are, and they are never afraid to be themselves. Trust me, there’s nothing better than being loved for who you really are. Similarly, you should never feel as if you need to change yourself for someone to love you. If they can’t accept you for who you are, then it’s never going to work out because neither of you will ever be happy.
17. Don’t dwell on the past
The past is the past for a reason. It’s gone, done, over. So let it go. No matter how hard you try, it can never be changed. Accept that your partner has a past just like you do. Even though you may not like it, accept it and move on. Looking ahead to the future – together, and forgetting about the past – both of yours, is the only way to move forward and have a happy relationship.
18. Don’t be too caught up in your partner’s flaws
Remember, nobody is perfect. Just like you have your flaws and imperfections, your partner too has them. However, instead of focusing on them, you should focus on the good things. When you do that, the flaws sort of go to the background.
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19. Don’t expect anything in return
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Although a relationship is a two-way street, sometimes you have to do nice things for your partner just because, and not because you expect something in return from them. Do them because it makes them happy, which will in turn make you happy. Granted that it has to be a give and take relationship, but if you focus on the ‘give’ part solely, then when the ‘take’ part comes along, you’ll be pleasantly surprised.
If you follow these simple don’ts, you will know how to have a perfect relationship. Well, at least, a near-perfect one at the very least. Remember, there’s no magic formula for a happy and healthy relationship. Just as every individual is different, every relationship is different too. You just need to focus on what works for you and your relationship, and work at it – every day.
Featured image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
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