When you meet someone you like and fall in love with them over time, you wouldn’t have imagined, even for a second that you and your partner would grow apart. You’re both enjoying your honeymoon phase while it lasts, with rose-tinted glasses on, and you can only see the good in each other, while forgoing the bad. You feel as if there’s nothing in this world that you wouldn’t do for your partner, and that your love alone will stand the test of time. However, when the relationship moves past the honeymoon phase and becomes serious, is when your glasses tend to come off, revealing the true nature of your relationship – flaws and all.
And you’re not living in a bubble, because prosaic things like bills, chores, and other odds and ends can put a damper on your romance. You start to feel as if your love life has become rather drab and colorless and lifeless. This is when you start to feel as if you’re growing apart in a relationship from each other, if you’re not careful. The signs may be few and far between, but they will be there, unless you address them and make necessary changes/additions to your life for the good of your relationship. Remember, if you nip the problem/issue in the bud, it won’t have the chance to fester and blow up later.
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Although there are a few specific warning signs of you growing apart in a relationship, they may vary from one relationship to the next. Let’s take a look at some of these warning signs, so you can be better equipped to handle them and deal with them in the best way possible.
1. Constant bickering
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Snapping at each other, fighting over the littlest things, arguing over trivial matters – may be a sign of you two growing apart in a relationship. Although all this is common when you first start living with another individual who comes from a different background, if it recurs even after you both have pretty much settled, then it needs to be talked about and dealt with. Do so before it becomes something more serious, which might eventually turn into something that can no longer be fixed.
2. Silent treatment
On the other end of the spectrum of bickering, is the dreaded silent treatment. This kind of silence is oppressive, resentful, and meant to make your partner uneasy and uncomfortable, a way of punishing them. If you don’t replace this resentful silence with open, honest communication, then your relationship doesn’t stand a chance in the long run.
3. Selective hearing
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While constantly bickering and/or giving them the silent treatment are both bad, there’s another thing you do that’s even more of a warning sign – selective hearing. When you care about your partner, you really listen to what they have to say. That shows that you respect and value what your partner is saying, even when you disagree with them. But if you “choose” what you let filter into your ears, then it’s a pretty downhill ride from then on.
4. No more touching
Do you not want to touch your partner anymore? Leave alone to initiate physical intimacy, if you’re not even being your affectionate self with the caresses and the unconscious touches, then there’s something very wrong with your relationship.
5. Out of whack libido
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If your sex drive is out of sync with your partner’s, when it was the opposite just a few weeks, or months earlier, then it’s a warning sign that you’re both drifting apart. This might simply because of unresolved relationship issues or hindered communication or even holding sex as leverage to get their way. This can be rectified with a little effort on your part, with attention given to communication and timing.
6. No common ground
Another sign that you may be growing apart from your partner is that you no longer have any common interests, and you have no desire to indulge in any either. You spend your leisure doing what you like, while your partner is doing the same, somewhere else. You’re no interested in finding activities and things to do together as a couple.
7. No more laughter
Humor and laughter add color to an otherwise boring life, and they play an important role in a relationship too. If you and your partner share a quirky sense of humor, but you no longer even laugh at each other’s jokes, then you might well be on your way to drifting apart – far apart.
8. Change in priorities
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When you’re in a relationship, your partner usually comes pretty high on your list of priorities, if not the first one. If you find yourself pushing your partner down on that list, below work, friends, family, career and the like, you really need to sit down with your partner and work it out – whether you think it’s still worth it to hold on to your partner and your relationship any longer. Being honest with yourself should give you the answer as to how to move forward.
Suggested read: Why communication is absolutely vital in relationships
9. No common goals
When you first get together and enter a relationship, your goals and aims tend to be aligned with each other’s. However, if they seem to have diverged and veered off from your partner’s, then it’s probably likely that your relationship has too.
10. No attraction
It’s natural to have thoughts about others from time to time. It doesn’t mean anything, it just means that you’re human and you have every right to be that. However, if you start to have thoughts about others more often than not, while your partner is relegated to the recesses of your mind, almost like an afterthought (or worse, you don’t think about them at all!), then the future doesn’t look too bright for you or your relationship.
11. Dredging up the past
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Another warning sign that you’re both drifting apart is when you or your partner dredge up the past – mistakes, hurtful events, hurts, issues. It shows how much you’re dwelling on the negative aspects of your relationship than focusing on the positives, leading you to question the very foundation of your relationship.
12. Too much compromise
Compromise is as essential to a relationship as air is for a person. However, if you or your partner feels like you’re compromising on too many things in your relationship, by giving up a part of who you are, then it’s not a healthy state of being – for yourself or your relationship. Chances are this isn’t going to go away overnight, unless addressed in a careful and comprehensive manner.
13. Differences of opinions
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You have your opinions on things, and your partner has theirs. It’s only natural. However, what’s not natural is your complete inability to look above and beyond these opinions in a constructive manner. If you’re gearing up for a fight every time you voice your opinions, then it’s a clear sign that everything is not as it should be in your relationship.
14. Irritation and annoyance
If you’re irritated and vexed at everything your partner says or does – beyond reason, sometimes – then you may already have grown apart too much that there’s no longer any point to stay together. If you’re not willing to let them go, or vice versa, at least a relationship break is in order, to think things through and get some perspective.
15. Too much dependency
If you breathe a sigh of relief every time your partner steps out from around you, then you’re most likely likening your partner like an anchor hanging around your neck. This shows that one of you is more dependent on the other, and is a clear sign that your relationship is on the precipice of becoming unhealthy and unbalanced.
16. Bleak future
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When you think about the future with your partner, you don’t see anything that inspires you or makes you warm and happy. This could be because you’ve already distanced yourself from your partner, and the thought of investing more energy, effort, and time into a sinking ship has you despairing.
17. No more support
Another clear sign that you’ve grown apart from your partner, is when you don’t want to support or cheer your partner on, or you find yourself quiet, instead of encouraging your partner in their endeavors. This is a passive-aggressive way of telling your partner that you no longer care for them or your relationship.
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18. Words don’t mean anything
If you’ve identified with most or all of the signs mentioned above, then you’ve reached a point where you no longer believe when you say you love your partner. That in itself shows that you’ve already grown apart. All you can do is sit down, contemplate on what you want to do next, and act on it. You need to decide if the relationship is worth sticking it out, and your partner is a person worth sticking around for. Only you can make that decision, no one else.
Good luck.
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