Uncertainty and doubt in a relationship are very natural, and can be extremely difficult to handle without proper guidance. It gets worse when your partner refuses to understand what you are going through, and all you feel is a confusing pain. Find out how to stop being insecure in a relationship, and instead forge a better one!
Falling in love feels like a bed of roses, but when the love isn’t reciprocated (or when you think that the love isn’t reciprocated), you end up hurt and feeling insecure about your partner and the status of your relationship.
Suggested read: 14 things men do that make women insecure in relationships
Identifying that you are being insecure in your relationship, and being kind to yourself is difficult. If your partner fails to empathize, the anxiety gets worse. The confusion and imbalance in intimacy levels shared by two lovers causes more frustration and pain, and *touch wood* it can even lead to a breakup.
Breaking up is the end; it is the single step following your acceptance of the fact that the both of you are not meant to be. But in an insecure relationship, you believe that you are still in love, and yet, you feel like a couple that has already broken up!
Being insecure in a relationship
Are you feeling insecure in your current relationship? Why is it that you feel this way?
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One of the most effective ways to cotton on relationship insecurities is to understand what is causing it. You are insecure and are afraid of losing the love of your life (or even someone else that you care for and love immensely!). But what you need to focus on is what makes you think and feel this way.
Does your insecurity spring from your partner’s attractiveness? Most people who have confided the reason for their insecurities in me, have said that they are worried a lot of people are charmed by their lover. Though they enjoyed the attention in the beginning, now it concerns them. Is the same true for you too? Or do you think your partner spends more time with their friends than with you, and that makes you anxious? Or is your insecurity caused by negligence on your S.O.’s part? Do they not do anything to make you feel appreciated or special? Or is there a completely different reason behind why you feel insecure in your relationship?
To understand the insecurities you are going through, you must ponder over them to find their real source. And after you do that, you need to look into what can be done to stop it. Also, is their anything your S.O. can do to make it a little easier for you?
Talk to your partner about your feelings
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Once you figure out the reasons for the insecurities in your relationship, talk to your partner about the same. You don’t have to tell them blatantly that you are insecure, that might strain your relationship further! Just open up to them about how you feel unloved at times, and give them some examples about the moments when you have felt insecure.
Try not to sound frustrated or sad. Just speak with your mate matter-of-factly. If your partner really loves you, they are sure to comfort you and make you feel lighter.
Before you voice these insecurities of yours, you need to be certain that your S.O. is someone willing to change their habits if they are affecting the relationship. It is okay to ask your special friend to pay more attention to you, but it is not right on your part to ask them to stop chilling with their friends!
Now do you feel better?
Once you share your thoughts with your partner, you might feel good. But in case you don’t, you are standing on unsteady ground!
Your partner may think that you are making a mountain of a molehill, and does nothing to reassure you. This will push you off the edge of insecurity!
But even if your partner changes and tries to cheer you up, you may still be unconvinced. So it is vital you feel good about your relationship. How to stop being insecure in a relationship then?
Insecurity in a relationship happens because of imperceptible reasons, the most common ones being: My partner is too good for me; their other friends are way better than me; they have stopped giving me time; I don’t look as good as I used to…
Suggested read: 14 dating things that leave men feeling insecure
Here are 18 tips on how to stop being insecure in a relationship:
1. Stop snooping around!
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I don’t want to sound mean, but I cannot help it! To feel confident about your relationship, you need to change a few things about yourself, and this one tops the list! Taking emails and SMSes out of context causes unnecessary head and heart-aches! However, if there is a solid reason behind you snooping, it is time to address it openly.
2. Give your partner some friendly competition
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It does not hurt for your partner to know that your unreasonably good-looking artist friend from University keeps telling you that you are the one who got away… And that it is something they regret every day! 😉
3. Quit playing games, and be upfront
If a habit of your partner’s bothers you even after you have confronted them about it, it is time to end this relationship! No, not for real! Just scare them a little. Sometimes people take their partners for granted, and it becomes necessary to shake them up. It will also give you the upper hand!
4. Be super confident about yourself!
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Complete that specialization, apply for a job that lets you travel or write the book you have always wanted to read! If you can develop a good sense of your self-worth, your confidence will grow, which in turn, will help you foster a stronger relationship.
5. Set some ground rules if the two of you have just started dating
But both of you must agree on these ground rules. For example, if it works for you both, mark Friday as the night to hang out with friends separately. You may want to play poker when they want to go on a road trip. Keeping one day aside for me-time keeps the relationship healthy.
6. Without discussing major issues, don’t progress too far in your relationship
All the issues that can be landmines in the future must be discussed before you commit to something serious, like whether you are okay with them having friends of the opposite sex (which you should be totally cool with!!), having kids, whether both of you can relocate for the other’s job or not, etc.
7. Exercise more than often!
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It not only reduces anxiety by releasing endorphins, it also makes you super-hot!
8. Be loving before wanting to be loved
If and when your partner returns the love, it will immediately boost your confidence. If not, baby, it is time to hunt for a new partner.
9. Stop analyzing endlessly
If your lover still wears a shirt given to them by their ex, it may just mean that it is comfy!
10. Stop discussing your relationship with your paranoid friends!
You may not believe me, but paranoia is infectious! Before you know it, you will start worrying about silly things like why your S.O. smells a different fragrance this evening or why they didn’t want to have dinner! Dude, they may just feel a little bloated, that’s all!
11. Indulge in your hobbies
Your life shouldn’t revolve around your partner alone, or else they will soon feel trapped, and want to break free! You should obsess over other things too, if you want to stop being insecure in your relationship.
12. Present your finest self to your partner and the world!
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Don’t go on all dates dressed in sweatshirts or cargo pants (yeah, I am talking to both men and women!). Also, don’t sleep in oversized ratty t-shirts every single night! When you look good, you feel super; like all clichés, this one’s true too!
13. Swap the cynical self-talk with affirmation
Whenever you catch yourself thinking that you don’t deserve this person, change it to, “I deserve this wonderful relationship, and I am willing to do whatever it takes to keep it wonderful!”
14. Depend on your partner, but don’t become dependent!
Yes, there is a difference. When you can depend on your partner, that is to their credit. But as soon as you become dependent, you jeopardize your skills! And your skills are where you draw your confidence from!
15. Discard that emotional baggage!
If your stupid aunt told you as a kid that your friend was prettier than you, or your P.T. teacher told you that you weren’t smart enough, it in no way means that your S.O. thinks the same way about you!
16. Be yourself
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Upholding a façade is sure to get exhausting someday, right? Also, it erodes your self-confidence, since by maintaining a front, you intensify the idea that your real self is not good enough!
Suggested read: 8 amazing tips on how to give space in a relationship and strengthen your bond
17. Let your S.O.be their true selves too!
If you pick at them all the time, they are sure to strike back, and that’s not going to feel good!
18. Stop comparing
Yep, the grass is always greener on the other side, and stuff! You know it is a trap, and yet you don’t stop falling into it?!
Learning to overcome insecurity in one’s relationship happens only when you grow your confidence, or when you confront your partner. But if you feel nothing’s working, I guess it is time to step out of this relationship, and seek someone who will actually respect you, and respond to your love. 
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