It doesn’t matter how you got together, but how long you lasted. Everyone enters a relationship hoping to make it last for a very long time. However, very few stand the test of time. While some may succumb to the inevitable boredom and monotony that sets in, some others become victims of the ravages of time. Still others go the route of infidelity, lies, and a total lack of respect. I’m not painting a bleak picture for you, but merely stating reality.
Everywhere you turn, couples are breaking up, applying for divorce, stating ‘irreconcilable differences,’ more often than not. How is it that some relationships truly stand strong against the ravages of time and space and manage to stay strong, while others crumble? How does one go about making a relationship last – for a very long time?
Suggested read: 10 golden tips on how to make your relationship better than it already is
Here are a few rules, commandments, if you will, that you need to follow if you want to know how to make a relationship last.
1. Go with the flow
Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
In essence, burn the script. You can plan certain things in your relationship, but more often than not, things don’t go according to plan. Expecting it to follow your plan to the letter, might be foolhardy, not to mention disappointing. Life and love have a way of surprising the heck out of you, by presenting you with what you need the most, and not what you want the most. So, as a couple, be sure to make the most of these unexpected gifts and enjoy them to the fullest.
2. The wooing is continuous
Just because you’re in a comfortable place in the relationship, you can’t stop courting your partner. Never, ever take your partner for granted. That’s the worst thing that you could do to your partner. And courting and wooing doesn’t mean elaborate dinner plans or expensive surprises. That would get tedious, pretty fast. It could be something small like presenting a flower once in a while, or texting them to ask how their day is going, or even preparing their favorite dish, just because you know they’ve had a bad day at work. See? There are a million and a half different ways of showing your love and affection to your partner.
3. Surprise them once in a blue moon
Image source: Shutterstock
Surprising your partner with something that they like never gets old. People generally tend to forget that surprises make like exciting. It’s easy to forget such things when you’re busy with so many things at work as well as at home. Find a way to change it – put in that extra effort to surprise your partner with something you’re sure that they’d love. Whether it’s a simple, heartfelt, handwritten love note, or an extravagant vacation, just go for it and surprise them. Trust me, they’ll love you for it.
4. Fall in love with the changes
Change is the only constant, and this applies to you and your partner and your relationship. whether you’ve been together for a few months, or a few years, or a few decades, you will see that time has wrought many a change in your partner and yourself. Therefore, it’s inevitable that your relationship change too. These changes could be physical, emotional, intellectual, or even spiritual. See past these changes, and fall in love with the person beneath, all over again. You need to fall in love with every version of your partner every single day. That’s how to make a relationship last.
5. Dispel boredom from time to time
Image source: Shutterstock
To keep the relationship fresh and exciting, do new things – alone and together, both. Many times, relationships take a turn for the worse because of the rut they fall into. They just don’t know how to get out of the monotony, because they’ve become complacent and too comfortable where they are. This will only lead to the inevitable crumble of their relationship. Get out there and try new and exciting things that you’ve never done before. This brings back the excitement back into your lives.
6. Try to see the best in your partner
Every relationship has fights and arguments and misunderstandings. There may even be days when you just can’t stand each other. But, remember what made you fall in love with them, and why you’re still together. Holding on to these will help you see the best in your partner. In a fit of rage, you might throw out that you hate them, but think about it – if you’re this angry with your partner, it comes from a place of love, because you’re hurt most by the actions of those closest to you.
7. Have a sense of humor
Image source: Pinterest
A sense of humor helps you see the lighter side of life. Without the ability to laugh at yourself, at the world, there’s no point in living. Goof around, be silly, have fun. Always try to look at the brighter side of things – there’s no attractive feature than to look at the glass as half-full, instead of focusing too much on the half-empty part. Although this is easier said than done, especially in times of crises and despair, you need to practice it in everything you do, every single day.
8. Be present, be there
Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
There are a hundred different gadgets around that want your attention. However, these pale in comparison to face-to-face interactions, any day. So take the time out of your busy, tech-filled schedule to talk to your partner. Take the time to look into their eyes and see for yourself what they’re feeling and how they’re doing. Sit down for a meal, or a conversation, without any distractions. Share things with each other, be present, be there for your partner. There’s no better gift you can give your partner than to let them know that you’re there for them, no matter what.
Suggested read: 7 simple tips on how to be happy in a relationship
9. Listen, more than you talk
Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
Just being there for you partner is not enough. You need to communicate – openly and honestly – with each other. And, you need to really listen when your partner is talking, and not just nod your head. It’s a commitment you both need to make to each other that you’ll listen actively, when the other is talking. On the other hand, you need to be able to listen to the things that are unsaid. That’s when you’ll have figured out the success mantra of long-term relationships.
10. Allow each other to grow
As mentioned earlier, change is the only constant, and it applies to you both as individuals, and as a couple too. Grow together as a couple, and grow as individuals. Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to be joined at the hip. Do and experience things individually, independent of the other. Once trust is established in the relationship, you need to allow your partner to grow and flourish as an individual, separate from you. If you’re not growing and changing, you become stagnant, and eventually, irrelevant, which only means that your relationship will not last.
11. Be each other’s rock
A relationship has a chance to last a long time if you, as a couple, are both ready and capable enough to pick each other up in times of distress. There are bound to be times when you’re going through something difficult, or one of you might be facing personal issues. The strength of your relationship lies in your support you provide each other. That’s what relationships are for – you know that your partner is there, right beside you, not just to hold your hand, but to help you up when you’re down.
12. Never fight over money
Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
Many a couple has seen their relationship bite the dust with disagreements about money. Sit down and discuss your financial situation in a calm and rational manner. You both have had different upbringing, and therefore different styles of managing money. The best thing to do would be to define your financial goals as a couple, with an eye on where you want to be in the future. Money is a necessity, true, but it doesn’t have to come between the bond you both share.
13. Work as a unit, a team
When you’re part of a couple, it’s you two versus the rest of the world. You and your partner need to have your individual voices, along with a collective one that the world needs to hear. If you want your relationship to last, make a commitment to each other that you’ll always be there for each other, no matter what happens, as partners, as equals, as a team.
14. Admit when you’re wrong
Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
There come several instances in your life when you may overreact or make a wrong judgment, or even make a mistake. But the best thing for you to do is admit it and own up to your mistakes. It’s during these times that you’ll let your partner know that you value your relationship more than you value your pride. Saying you’re sorry doesn’t make you weak, but a humble and honest one, who can own up to their mistakes.
15. Never keep score
Don’t hold grudges, for these are detrimental to making your relationship last. When you’re in the wrong, be brave enough to accept that you’re wrong, and move on. If it’s your partner who has committed a mistake, be gracious enough to forgive them. Remember, you and your partner are both humans after all, and humans tend to make mistakes from time to time. Don’t let a single mistake ruin what you’ve built from the ground up, and threaten its destruction. Also, never bring up past hurts in current arguments; let the past lie in the past.
16. Lavish attention and appreciation on your partner
Image source: Shutterstock
This again tells you that you should never take your partner and the things they do for you for granted. It will only spell disaster. Show how much you appreciate your partner with little gestures. And never forget to thank your partner for something they’ve done for you. Just because something is their responsibility, doesn’t mean you can’t appreciate them.
17. Don’t forget your individuality
You are, first and foremost, an individual, and then one half of a couple. Although you’re in a relationship, it doesn’t mean you can forget who you are. Love yourself just as much as you love your partner, if not more. Be kind, patient, and honest with yourself. Be happy with who you are and how you are.
Suggested read: 11 simple tips on how to show appreciation to your partner
18. Always choose LOVE
Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
Over the course of your relationship, there may come many a hurdle – some anticipated, others not; some commonplace, others unimaginable. These hurdles have the potential to tear you apart, crumbling what you’ve painstakingly built from the ground up. So always remember to choose LOVE – the love you have for each other will be the pole star you need that will guide you to the harbor safely and soundly. Hold on to that love, and your relationship will surely stand the test of time.
Love has a way to endure even against insurmountable odds. If you and your partner love each other truly, fully, utterly, and completely, then you’ll always find a way to work things out. Life may hand you many lemons along the way, but the way you make lemonades out of them is how you survive. That’s how to make a relationship last, for a very long time.
Featured image source: Shutterstock
Facebook
Disqus
Google + 
