Like someone rightly said, “Cheating isn’t always kissing, touching, or flirting. If you have to delete text messages so your partner won’t see them, you are already there.” I think that’s very wise and apt for today’s day and age. The urge to hide something from your partner is your mind telling you subconsciously that something is not right. That is cheating. As far as cheaters are concerned, they habitually repeat what they are good at out of a certain compulsion. It is said old habits die hard! Cheating is like a disease that spreads in your body, inch by inch, conquering all the good cells by the hour until it finally takes the life out of you. There surely is no excuse for cheating.
However, there are different kinds of cheaters. While some get away easily the others do leave a trail behind (depending on their experience!). It’s not always easy to conceal their thoughts, and in an attempt to wipe out all the tracks, they could fail to hide the most obvious thing. There will always be signs that they will show, and if you are observant enough, you will figure it out soon. Although, sometimes there are obvious things that ring a bell but you turn a blind eye to it. You know for sure, that something is up but you just can’t seem to put your finger on what exactly gave it away. Catching a cheater could be tricky, amidst all the dishonesty and betrayal you are left wondering if you must even confront them. Because it is heartbreaking, but then you need to know for sure.
Suggested read: A step-by-step guide on how to confront a cheater most effectively
Although there isn’t a rule book or a guide that will help you identify a cheating partner, we have tried to compile some apparent signs we think will help get a better idea. Sometimes, you need to go with your instinct and at all other times, watch out for the obvious signs which will help you catch a cheater.
1. Make random checks at their workplace or home
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You should consider dropping by your partner’s workplace unannounced to check on them. A lot of people go about their monkey business during work hours. So, if they aren’t in their office or at home (in case of housewives), you must take the investigation a little further and find out more details. This is one of the most common ways to catch a cheating spouse. A liar can get away from you by lying but not when you catch them redhanded. So give it a try!
2. Ad hoc travel
Work is a great excuse to get away from home, and if you notice that your partner has suddenly become the frequent business traveler out of the blue, you might want to keep your eyes and ears open. It sure could be genuine work, but do quiz them about the hotel they stayed in, or ask them about the flight timings and other pertinent details. If they aren’t giving you all the details, you may want to contact someone from their office to find out the truth.
3. Change your routine
If you both have a set routine and stick by it for most days of the week, it gives the cheating partner an advantage to plan their activities. So, it may be a good idea to make changes to your schedule sporadically and see if your partner is getting affected in any way. Their first instinct will be to revolt the change and it will put them in a tight spot. This is how to catch a cheater and is an easy way to do it.
4. Do the occasional peeping
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It’s rude to check your spouse’s messages or emails. But, if you have been doubting them for a while, you may want to occasionally flip through their inbox to check for any suspicious activities. While they might be careful in deleting all those messages, you could always check archives, recycle bins, and web history, maybe? A little snooping wouldn’t hurt anyone. Besides, it will help you get clarity on whether your partner has been cheating on you or not.
5. The sudden makeover
Everyone is aware of how looks are closely associated while trying to impress a person. So if you see that your partner has a changed their hairdo recently, is shopping for trendy clothes, and is watching their weight and exercising more than ever, we suggest you try and find out more as to why they are doing it. Remember the time when you first began dating or started seeing someone new? Even you did all of that to seek their attention, didn’t you? Your cheating partner will also be doing the same. Look out for these signs.
6. The need to sneak out
Are you observing that your partner is doing the disappearing act very often? Maybe on the pretext of going to the supermarket or buying things from the nearby store? You may want to watch them closely. For all you know, they are sneaking away to only talk to the other person on the phone! They could also say they want to go out for a stroll or just a spin in their car. But, the question is, are they doing this more often? It’s their only way to get away from you for a few brief moments to spend time with the person they are cheating with.
7. Rising or sinking sex drive
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If they show a sudden disinterest in sex, it could mean that they are getting it somewhere else! Are they physically or sexually detached from you? Also, sometimes due to the affair, they could want it more and would have explored some new techniques too. They may also try those techniques on you. So if you notice something unusual in your bedtime routine, you may want to make subtle inquiries about it. Their body is telling you something!
Suggested read: 12 women reveal what drove them to cheat on their partners
8. Getting startled
People get startled only when they are hiding something, and if your partner often gets startled when you walk in on them while they are texting or are on their computer, you know for sure that something’s up!
9. Having a passcode and not sharing it
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If your life is like an open book, you wouldn’t have to put in a bunch of passwords for everything. So the minute you do it, everyone knows something is fishy. So, has your partner changed passwords on their phone and laptop? Do they refuse to share it with you? How to catch a cheater who is overly cautious? You can rightfully demand to know their password if you are suspicious about them. If they put up a huge fight, then it means they are definitely up to no good.
10. Wanting more space and privacy
I understand the need to have a telephonic conversation away from the noise in the house, so I would normally step into my balcony or my bedroom. This is normal. But, is your partner locking the door behind them and talking in a rather hushed tone than usual? Consider eavesdropping on them and their body language will give it away.
11. Gets annoyed easily and threatens to leave you
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Since the cheater’s focus has now shifted away from you, they have evidently lost interest in you and probably get annoyed at the drop of a hat. Maybe, they pick fights frequently and often threaten to breakup/leave you. Saying things like, “I can do so much better without you,” “I am wasting my time with you,” “I could do so much better than you,” etc., are all warning signs that tell you that something is just not right.
12. Random purchases or gifts
Has your partner bringing home little goodies/gifts that have been given to them by their “colleagues” or some “friends”? Or are they buying things without your knowledge? I It might be a good idea to check their credit card statements. That’s your cue to a cheater!
13. When in doubt, tail them
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The minute your antennae are catching strange signals, you may want to follow them and see for yourself where they go and what they are doing. Sometimes, it helps to watch many crime/detective shows. They teach you the various techniques to stalk, investigate, and think logically.
14. Too many office outings after office hours
Sound familiar? Like I previously mentioned, work is one of the best excuses to do shady stuff. So try to befriend some of your partner’s colleagues, and occasionally talk to them. Are they attending way too many office parties and always blaming their late nights on work related dinners? Beware!
15. Staying aloof
When you no longer have interest in something, you tend to withdraw yourself totally from the present situation. So you may come across as overly reserved, disinterested, and wanting to be by yourself all the time. Is your partner also behaving in the same manner?
Suggested read: Is it ok to cheat if your partner doesn’t know about it?
16. Spending too much time awake and online
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Are they awake for long hours even after you have fallen asleep, and are on their phone or their laptop? Does their phone buzz regularly and has a lot of incoming messages?
While all the above are great ways on how to catch a cheater, you may want to use your good judgment before jumping to conclusions or reading too much into nothing. Don’t be too critical about your spouse; that will lead to doubts in your own mind and will diminish your peace. But, yes, go with your instinct. They are usually right.
Featured image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
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