Love is overrated. Love is stupid. Love is blind.
And I can go on and on about all things that make “love” a commodity that isn’t worth investing in. If you are someone who has probably rolled your eyes by now, and are thinking otherwise, then you are someone who is most probably addicted to love. Well, it’s not a bad thing.
As a little girl, I was always curious and thought that “love” would be special, because movies make it look so glamorous. It’s filled with passion, it makes people weak in the knees, and melts some hearts. It probably does, and one would also compare it to a life-saving drug. But once you grow up, you see that it is overrated too. It’s not so easy to find true love, and it’s difficult to fall in love too. Love can be confusing and mistaken for infatuation, lust and selfishness, and yes it also can be addictive.
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While some say that you fall in love only once in your life, there are people who think and believe otherwise. That they can be in love all the time and with different people too. If you’ve had a fair share of relationships, you know very well that this feeling can be cute in the start but as you go along, sometimes one could get addicted to it. Remember the time you spent thinking about the person? Thinking about what you’d like to do to that person? Secretly making plans, messaging them non-stop? Forgetting to do your daily chores and goofing up with day to day life in the bargain? See, that’s what I’m talking about.
Suggested read: 7 impostors of love we’ve all mistaken for the REAL deal
If you let something like that happen, then it clearly means that you are addicted to love.
Here’s how you can tell:
1. Your romantic relationship is more important than anything in life
If you are someone who is addicted to love, then your romantic relationship is the only one you care for. You may have compromised every other relationship, be it with your parents, friends or siblings. The only thing on your mind 24×7 is your love interest. Your priorities would change and nothing else matters when you are romantically involved with another person. Your friends could be complaining of how your neglect of them, your parents may be worried that you are getting “carried away.” However, you pay no heed to any advice, and deep within, you think that your love life is way more important than any other relationship.
2. You come across as a clingy and needy person
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As a person, you constantly think that you need to be around someone, you need a certain kind of vibe and affection from the person you love. That does make you clingy, because you want to be with your loved one at any given point in time. You need them all the time, sometimes beyond justification.
3. You love to replay moments of “love” repeatedly in your mind
Usually, this phase dies out after the first few months in any relationship. That’s only because people move on and have a life to live. But are you the type who is constantly reliving every episode and encounter of your love-relationship? Do you savor those thoughts even long after they have occurred? There’s no harm in reminiscing the past, but if you give it undue attention and are obsessed with it, then you surely are an addict.
4. You are always trying to interpret the signs
As teenagers, we’ve all reached out to our ‘expert’ friends for advice on interpreting those signs that our crushes let out. Maybe a hug, a kiss or something deep they said. What could that mean? We spent hours talking about little things and trying to find their meaning, hoping that it did mean something significant. Something that said, they loved us back. Over the years, you then realize how silly yet how funny it all was. But, are you that someone who does it even now?
5. You look forward to celebrate your so called love
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You are literally counting days and you seem to be that person who celebrates every little milestone, from two-week ‘kiss’ anniversaries to three-month ‘I love you’ anniversaries. You are proudly announcing these things on social media and cutting cakes too! Valentine’s Day is probably a bigger holiday than Christmas for you. You are that freak who constantly sends loads of kisses and heart eyes emoji while texting.
6. “I love you” is something you find easy to say to people
This is the hardest part for most of us, expressing your feelings. On the other hand, if you are someone who can utter the four-letter word without much hesitation and can easily swing through the emotion, then, yes. You are addicted to love. Have you always been the first one to say “I love you” to your partner? Think hard now.
7. You favorite genre in books and movies is, ah well, love and romance
When you are addicted to love, there’s no guessing to what your favorite genre in books and movies is. You are a die-hard romantic and appreciate things that have a “happy ending.” You live in a fantasy yourself, and sometimes it’s hard for you to articulate the truth or what’s going on in your life. You’ve probably submerged yourself so deeply in that feeling that all you can think of is only your relationship.
Suggested read: What it means to love, knowing you cannot be together
8. You have never been alone
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Last week, I was talking to a friend who was going through a rough patch in her marriage. I was always aware that she did date quite a bit, but I was a little surprised when she told me that she had never been alone ever since she was fifteen! The longest time she was alone was probably a month between relationships. Now, that’s something. Often, people who are addicted to love can never stay single for too long. They constantly need that buzz to keep them going. Like mentioned before, they jump into relationships too quickly.
9. There is no healing time and you jump the gun
So you’ve had a breakup recently, and within days, you are ready to move on to your next relationship. You hardly wait for that “appropriate” healing time. That time taken by people to ponder and reflect on their previous relationship, make peace with the breakdown of the relationship, and accept it. But you jump into the next relationship because you just can’t stay single. You don’t take enough time to move on mentally and emotionally.
10. You are scared to break up bad relationships
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Because you are addicted to love, you fear being single and alone. Therefore, sometimes you could be stuck in a bad relationship for longer periods of time because of your inability to stay single. You don’t think that breaking up with a person who isn’t making you happy is a wise thing to do. You get used to the person, however badly they treat you. I’ve seen people stay in extremely abusive relationships simply because they fear they won’t get anything better.
11. Deep cravings for love
So, even if you did breakup and have been alone for sometime, you crave for love like an addict craving for their next high. There seems to be a void in your life, and that void is your yearning for love. Sometimes, the craving is intense and can be classified as addiction too.
12. Associating everything with that person
The aftermath of a breakup is usually a phase where the person begins to associate every damn thing to the relationship they were in earlier. From sunsets to pizza, everything you see post a breakup will remind you of that person, which is understandable. I’ve seen people who are in “love” do the exact same thing, which can be annoying. But if this goes beyond a point where it will cripple you with hurt and anger, then you are most probably addicted to love.
13. Contriving situations to meet that person
Carefully crafting and creating instances to either communicate or to meet that person, may be one of those things that love addicts do. Do you do that too?
14. You start obsessing about the person
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All is swell until the object of your affection becomes an obsession. It may seem like it’s the only thing on your mind, that you don’t know better. It’s like their name has been tattooed on your body and mind, you just can’t seem to get them out of your system. Well, that’s obsession. It can be dangerous too. Stalkers and people with restraining orders come under this category! Be careful.
15. You rely on love to make you happy
Nothing brings you more joy than being in a loving relationship, and that’s not half bad. But the problem arises if and when you rely solely on your romantic life to stay happy. Happiness should be achieved despite your relationship status; it’s something people find in the little things or things that please them. Don’t let a person be your source of happiness. Don’t rely so heavily on your relationship to keep yourself happy.
16. You panic at the thought of not finding love
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So you haven’t found the ‘perfect’ partner yet. And it seems like most of your friends are in relationships or are popping babies while you are still single. The thought puts you in a frenzy and gives you panic attacks. You don’t want to remain single and fear that you will. Somehow, this stresses you out more than your high paying job, and that’s when you know that you’re addicted to love!
While, there is nothing wrong in indulging in some passion and loving, it doesn’t do to let love be the only thing you look forward to in life. Love can be all-consuming, but try to not let that affect you. There are other things, better things that life can bring into your life. Look forward to those things too!
All the best.
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