In this roller coaster of a ride called life, it’s nice to have someone to hold your hand through it all. Even though there’s so much to do and so many dreams to realize, in the grand scheme of things, it’s the little things that matter the most: your parents’ pride, your friends’ laughter, and your partner’s hand. Well, metaphorical hand.
However, the road can get rocky sometimes, and it’s these trying times that will tell you if your relationship will last or not. While it’s obvious that to maintain a successful, serious relationship, both parties have to be accepting, adjusting, and compromising. The question is: Is it worth the effort?
To answer this question and make the decision, here is a list of signs that maybe you should end your relationship:
Suggested read: 10 compelling reasons to start loving yourself after a breakup
1. You don’t talk.
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Of everything that comprises a transaction, here’s what makes it a functional one: communication. Relationships are no different. It is extremely vital to mutually express your ideas, your opinions, and your agreements and disagreements. Only then will you know what your partner’s thoughts are like, and what notions they like to stick to. Only then will you be able to fix any cases of unresolved anger. Confrontations are always more effective than bottling your emotions up. If you feel like you don’t have anything to discuss with each other, or the once meaningful conversations you enjoyed have now been reduced to quotidian, monosyllabic exchanges, then perhaps it’s time to have The Talk.
2. You’re fighting constantly.
Fighting is normal and so are disagreements. It’s okay if they are driving you crazy about something. However, when it surpasses every other activity that you do together, it’s something to think about. Relationships are supposed to make life more beautiful in spite of the struggle. So, when you feel like there is growing resentment between you two originating from past grudges and misunderstandings that are now taking the form of sudden outbursts over the pettiest issues, you know you have problems.
3. Your only real interaction is sex.
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Physical intimacy is as important as mental compatibility, if not more. A sexually satisfied person will be much more at peace than one who’s not. Sex is important, and this has to be acknowledged. If you’re not sexually content with your partner, you can try to learn quite a bit from each other. Connecting over errors and knowing about preferences and fetishes is quite effective and makes you feel at ease with each other. However, do you feel like that is the only time you devote to each other? Is there nothing else that interests you about your partner other than sex? Then maybe you’re not yet ready for a real relationship. There’s nothing wrong with that, but to commit to something based on mere physical desire is probably not the best plan.
4. You don’t think of your partner anymore.
In today’s day and age, when infants seem so well groomed and mature, no one seems to have those quixotic expectations about falling madly in love and being the one on someone’s mind all day, every day. No one cares about having a fairy tale life in a world where gore and eccentricity are glamourized. Then, how do you know you are fond of someone? When you think of them. It’s healthy if seeing something or doing something reminds you of them or if you discover something new, you want to share it with them. Sometimes, missing the other person even if they’re gone for an hour is not so bizarre.
If they don’t ever star your thoughts, if you couldn’t care less about their absence or presence, you have yourself plenty of signs to end a relationship that isn’t quite working.
5. You don’t feel like yourself.
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Give and take is the way of the world. On the other hand, losing yourself while investing time and effort into a relationship implies that the relationship may not be conducive to the process of finding happiness. And isn’t what this is all about?
If you can’t even be yourself and have to maintain a façade for fear that your partner will look too closely and become familiar with all the flaws and blemishes that constitute your personality, what is the point? Be with someone who loves you and accepts you for who you are, in spite of your imperfections, not for who they want you to be.
6. Your intents are completely different.
Before you commit to someone, make sure you know what they’re looking for. Otherwise, at some point, if you realize you two want very different things out of the relationship, there could be major problems. If it’s a casual fling or a serious relationship you’re looking for, let them know that. If you’re looking to have children and they’re not, talk it out. A lot of heartache can be avoided if you know each other’s intents. In any case, if you’re not picturing the same kind of future, your relationship is heading nowhere.
7. You’re trying too hard.
Don’t give yourself a headache trying to make a relationship happen. We all have enough on our proverbial plates to deal with without our romantic lives being tedious as well. Efforts have to be made by both of you. A one-sided relationship is more detrimental than one can imagine. It’s supposed to be hard sometimes, but is it worth it? Are you supposed to feel so exhausted and miserable all the time? If so, then it’s probably not meant to be.
Suggested read: 15 definite signs you’re not ready for a relationship after a breakup
8. One of you has not been able to let go of past relationships.
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You can’t move forward if you keep turning back to look at what you have been through. If either of you can’t let go of the past, and are still brooding over an ex, it is probably time to call it a day. Whether you’re huffing over your partner’s ex you are jealous of or whether you have not been able to get your own ex out of your mind after seeing them, this is a sign your relationship isn’t strong enough for you to evolve with your partner.
9. You don’t trust each other anymore.
Jealousy is considered normal, even endearing initially. Paranoia and mistrust are different issues altogether. If you have had past incidents where your partner has given you reason to suspect them and things have not been normal since then, there is no other solution to the problem other than breaking up. We deserve to be loved and trusted. Life is too short to constantly wonder if your partner is cheating on you.
10. You are fantasizing about anyone and anything other than your partner.
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This is a point of concern for people who prefer to dwell in a fictitious world than a real one. That does not refer to delusional people; it is meant for those who love to dream. Fantasizing is not wrong, but anything in excess can be harmful. People fantasize when reality no longer fulfills their demands in order to achieve some semblance of happiness. Ergo, what good is a relationship that makes you disinterested in your own life? When that dash of magic your love used to bring to your life fades away, you know what you have to do.
11. You don’t see a future with your partner.
Affection and attraction are not sufficient for a deep, serious bond. The beginnings are always fun, but it’s the long run that matters. Just because you had good chemistry and a lot in common doesn’t mean that you’ll stay blissful forever. People who are awkward initially and don’t have many mutual interests often end up staying longer than other ‘compatible’ couples. So, there is no predicting the future. What you can focus on is on your present. Currently, do you see a future that includes yourself with your partner? Or would you rather wait for someone different? If you don’t long for a future with them, it would probably not be right to lead them on because the more you waste their time, the worse you will hurt them.
12. Your partner’s treatment is bothering you.
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Do you feel like your partner is condescending when you’re together alone or out with people? Is their behavior making you feel insecure, humiliated, intimidated and/or depressed? Does every interaction leave you feeling like muck? It’s time you rid yourself from the company of people like that. The world is depressing enough: income tax, global warming, human trafficking, terrorist attacks, Mondays – you name it, we have it. In the midst of all this, you don’t need that kind of negativity around you. If they don’t treat you right, dump ‘em.
13. You can’t put your differences aside.
It’s all fun and games at first, but slowly when you get to know the other person, you begin to learn their true nature and that may not always be a pleasant surprise. To put aside your intellectual discrepancies, the divergence in your opinions, difference in tastes without seeing them as flaws, and to accept another person with respect and affection, is more generous and selfless than you can imagine. When you can’t put up with their opinions and their mentality disturbs you, the gulf between you only widens, leading to growing tension and bitterness. Consequently, you need to terminate your relationship and move on to someone more like-minded.
14. Your lives are proceeding through different routes.
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You invest in a serious relationship hoping to get something out of it, maybe even build a life together. Alas, there are times when you have more pressing issues to devote your time to, and then your lives grow in different courses and you need to pay attention to your priorities. In that case, letting go would be considered a clean break. Ending a relationship when you can is the right thing to do to have a healthy rapport with your exes.
15. It has become a routine.
Monotony is the death of romance. You’re doing all the things that couples do – go out on dates, buy each other nice things, kissing each other before parting ways – and yet, somehow it doesn’t feel right. At the end of the day, life feels as much of a non-event as it would have been if you were single. Shamming your happiness is a major cause of deep-seated depression. Therefore, instead of mechanizing your way out of a relationship, find one that satisfies you more as an individual or dedicate some time to yourself.
Suggested read: 10 lessons only your first breakup will teach you
16. You’re unhappy and lonely.
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If there is something that you should not feel while in a relationship, then that is feeling lonely. What is the use of another person in your life if you feel unwelcome and unsupported? It is very easy to be consumed by your misery and dwell on the clouds that engulf your sky. It’s a choice to perceive the silver linings. If you are with a person who can’t make you see that you have people who love you and root for you, that you do matter, then it would be prudent to end the relationship.
You are obligated to treat yourself right and not put yourself through something that upsets you. If you don’t move forward, you might never be able to find what is right for you. Every experience, no matter what, teaches you something valuable. In the maze of life, bits and pieces help you get by.
So, there’s a lot of advice out there about the signs to end a relationship, but it comes down to your instinct – whether you feel like the struggle is worth the wait, whether you are content or not. At the end of the day, that is all that matters.
Featured image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
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