We all have that one girlfriend who has been single for as long as the universe has existed. There are rumors that she last dated Adam before she ate the apple and then ‘briskly slipped into an intimacy with herself, from which she never recovered!’ If you are perplexed because you don’t have any friend like that, ahem! Every friend group has one!
“Single and fabulous” like Samantha is a unique breed and you should be proud to belong to. Being single for too long has rendered you independent and fearless, someone who rides solo like a boss! However, if you are the poor fella trying to shack up with Miss Bold and Bad*ss, there are a few things you need to know about her. Dating the lass who has been single for too long can be a tough task, so read on to discover how it’s done!
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1. “In a relationship with freedom”
i love me more
She has been single by choice. Remember this and engrave it in your heart. She is in no way the undesirable and snubbed of the crew! She is not the clothes you go to thrift shop to buy; she is the designer brand that most cannot afford! She is picky of the man she wants to be with and is not ready to just suck up to anyone. Selective as she is, the fact that she’s dating you means you have done something right! Rejoice!
2. “Don’t let the bed bugs bite!”
Son, prepare to have NO personal space in bed! She doesn’t abide by the logic that ‘the portion to the right is yours and left is mine.’ People spread out in their sleep, a domain where rules don’t work. And even if they did, she wouldn’t give a damn! Spooning is cute, yeah, but squeeze up a little because she has to stretch those legs! If you mind sleeping all curled up, find another bed!
3. (Un)Lady(like) Gaga!
Image source: Youtube
There will be times when she may forget that you exist. I am not talking about infidelity, but rather about the smaller things; she’ll burp, forget to wash her hair, eat all the leftovers, and put ‘How I Met Your Mother’ on TV as soon as y’all get home without batting an eye. Nonetheless, you are not supposed to lecture her on hygiene because YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO! That’s all!
4. ‘Animate’ apparel
In case you are expecting all lacey lingerie or G-strings matched to kill… forget about it! Her underwear choices, at least for a while, will be, to a certain degree, bizarre. It is only when she decides that you are playing the series, she will invest some dollars on thongs. Until that happens, you have to deal with Winnie the Pooh on top and Mickey below! Learn to enjoy this mismatched randomness.
5. Chewbacca – May the Force be with you!
Though her skin looks like she’s been through some horrid bug-bite misfortune, it is because her long legs are not quite used to hair removal itchy creams! She stopped dragging that Venus blade on them years back. Listen, she had no clue about the recent turn of events, okay? So if you cannot bear her shaving rashes, she’ll go all ‘winter’ on you, without even a centimeter of skin left showing! How about that?!
6. The more the merrier!
So every single time you plan out something fun for the two of you to do, a bunch of her girlfriends tip toe for the trip! Isn’t that a good thing, mate? Okay. You get intimidated by these girls, because they are super protective about your babe and don’t let you get intimate with her. You have to understand their sentiments, dude! They just don’t want their friend to get hurt. Once all of them are won over and swayed that you aren’t a duplicitous jerk, they’ll let you two be!
7. “Joey doesn’t share food!”
Image source: Pinterest
On your first date, she did not order a Caesar salad, but a hamburger with extra mayonnaise and cheese? Plus, she actually ate it? OMG! Let’s cut the cr*p. Women eat, alright? And once you’ve been single for too long, you stop caring about how much and what you are putting in your body! A single girl sometimes eats meals for two—sharing is out of the question!
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8. “The Blind Side”
Her family will be oblivious about your existence! It’s not because she isn’t serious, but because her family is like the clan from “The Big Fat Greek Wedding.” If she told them, they will get in such high spirits that you would be in trouble. They would inform all of the aunts and uncles about you two, and make sure that you guys have kids by next Christmas! Hallelujah! So if you can handle that, fair enough. Otherwise it’s for the best to keep it hush-hush for a while!
9. Party pooper? You don’t know me yet!
You have got it all wrong if you think she is against change in any way. No, she isn’t. But you have to have some patience as she eases into adjustments. She will take time, but who knows? Maybe you will eventually understand her peculiarities, such as the need to arrange the book shelf according to height rather than by thickness or alphabetical order. Nonetheless, she might love you so much that she will eventually choose to adopt you!
10. The Valibator!
Yes, she will always be on her phone. Not talking to you, but instead to millions of girlfriends that she’s made over the decade! She needs to keep up with what’s happening around the globe. “What’s on your mind?” is not a rhetorical question for Miss Been single for too long. Updating statuses is like breathing to her. Her social media fanaticism is not limited to Facebook. She is also active on Instagram and scrolls through it as the day rolls by! And Tinder? Well, deleting that will take a while!
11. “To be or not to be”
Blowing a little hot now and a little cold then is something she has mastered. Does this mean she is confused? No! On the contrary, she is over-decisive. Yes, it is tough to earn a brownie from her (a real one is a distant dream!). And while she may be annoyed that you are in her life one minute, the very next she will be more than thrilled about you! That’s the way it is!
12. “Flat out like a lizard drinking”
When dating a girl who has been single for too long, be prepared to be sidelined by other commitments that she has. She is a Wonder Woman, not because she’s wondering what to do next, but because she is super busy. She is a multi-tasker with a scary social calendar! So if she is tough to pin down, don’t take any offence!
13. Perverted Display of Assh*lism!
PDA. Well, she doesn’t really know what that means, and once you spill it out for her, she will give you that “Snapish” look of loathing! She will tell you that it is because of couples like this that she has avoided being in a relationship for so long! She will describe them as “pretentious bums who slurp ice-creams off each other’s face in a football stadium”—that’s the last thing that she would want to do!
14. “Let alone” policy
She wants you to get a life of your own! She loves her night outs and wants you to have them too, ALONE! She will encourage you to socialize, party, and mingle a little, for God’s sake! Isn’t that a good thing?
Nonetheless, she will commit her Sundays to you even if she is hungover from last night!
15. The girl and the hornet’s nest!
She has developed a tortoise shell around her and it will take some time for you to crack it open and find some space under it! She has learnt how to take care of herself and doesn’t like you being her babysitter. Along with all this, you also have to learn how to deal with her ‘no nonsense’ attitude. If you mess with her, she will kick out both ‘the player and the game.’ Ouch, Taylor!
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To sum it all up, she is not needy and thus won’t be calling up every five minutes to know where you are or how you’re doing. She has been through every fight without the boyfriend’s shoulder to cry on. She now knows how to zumba through a storm! She respects the need for privacy and isn’t interested in memorizing your “AlexTheBanger” password! Flying solo is her thing, but she has decided to let you be her co-pilot. So, she loves you. Once you’ve become a pro in all the things you need to know about dating her, it’s going to be a cake walk!
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