Doing your own laundry and cooking for yourself aren’t the only things that make you an independent woman – it takes a lot more than that to singlehandedly take on the world. Being independent is about standing your ground and standing up for what you believe in. It’s also about being emotionally and financially stable. An independent woman makes her own decisions, be it about what she wears, when she decides to tie the knot, and where she chooses to work, regardless of what anyone has to say about that.
Which is precisely why it becomes difficult for independent women to adjust when they enter a relationship, with someone else in the picture.
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Here are a few things every independent woman must know before she finds love.
1. Be with someone who understands you.
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There are particular people who don’t understand certain concepts like individuality and equality, who are extremely narrow-minded about what they expect of a woman and issues concerning women. You need to find someone who understands why you’re the way you are, appreciates and accepts those very things about you, and respects you wholeheartedly. Otherwise, you’re going to be stuck in a horrible relationship where all you do is fight from lack of understanding.
2. Don’t be stuck to your check list.
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It’s very essential for an independent woman to find someone who will walk with her, share her enthusiasm, and help her grow, instead of pulling her down. Look for what you absolutely need in your partner. Don’t settle, but don’t go overboard with your demands either. Character matters a lot more than good looks. Don’t chase things that don’t matter in the long run. Look for what you need, not what you want.
3. You will have to adjust.
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Adjustment goes a long way in deciding the course of your relationship. You’re used to having your space and following your own daily routine. Sharing your life with someone means taking his likes and dislikes into consideration, how he goes about his day and finding a way to work around it, so it suits both of you well.
4. Don’t pretend to be someone else.
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Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not because you think you’re too smart for someone’s liking. Popular culture makes us believe that men are shallow and all they care about is beauty. That’s extremely untrue. A meaningful conversation goes a long way, whereas outer appearance is literally only skin deep. Don’t pretend to be dumb and take away from your true self. He is worth it only if he likes you just the way you are.
5. Stick to your beliefs, but don’t be stuck up.
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There are things you like about yourself, things you wouldn’t want to change for anybody, no matter who it is. Don’t change something you like about yourself just because he doesn’t like that about you. Hold your ground, but don’t be stuck up and stubborn either. Sometimes, he might be helping you grow into a better person, so don’t give him a hard time.
6. Things won’t always go your way.
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Being an independent woman, you’re used to things going your way because you make damn well sure that they do. But there’s two of you in a relationship and you’re not the only one making decisions now; it isn’t only about you anymore. You won’t always have the last say, you have to be considerate about your significant other and make decisions that benefit the both of you. But instead of getting worked up over it, remember that you’re in this because you love him, not so that you get to do what you please.
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7. Don’t be a control freak.
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Being an independent woman, you’ve always made sure that you have your life under control. But things change when you are in love. You’re trusting someone else with your heart and letting your guard down, giving him the power to affect you in any way, which is a pretty big deal for you. This does seem very scary, but don’t fight for control, because after all, being in love is about being vulnerable. You won’t always have everything foolproof and under wraps.
8. Everyone is vulnerable in love.
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Whether you believe it or not, love does not exist without vulnerability. Don’t be afraid to open up and show him your flaws. Being vulnerable doesn’t make you weak. For all it’s worth, deciding to open up to someone takes a lot of courage and strength. It makes you anything but weak.
9. You’re not suddenly needy.
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You might second-guess having him in your life because you do not need him to fulfill your needs. But remember that you’re not with him because you need him; you are together because you’re in love with each other. You can love someone deeply without needing them. Don’t be scared and fight yourself.
10. Loving him doesn’t make you dependent on him.
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You’re in love, and you have these beautiful thoughts and feelings running through your mind. But there is that one nagging question that stops you there and then and crashes everything down: ‘Am I dependent on him now?’ You’re dependent on him only if you want to be. The choice is still yours. Loving someone doesn’t make you dependent on them, it’s just a feeling you acknowledge and express.
11. Let him do things for you.
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Dating an independent woman isn’t easy. She isn’t used to having things done for her because she likes doing everything by herself. So please don’t give your man a hard time if he tries to help – he’s just trying to express how he feels. Doing things for someone is a sweet gesture to show love and affection. He knows you’re capable of buying what you want and doing things for yourself, but he’s making the effort to make you feel loved by still doing those things for you. Appreciate it!
12. Be prepared for a ‘We’.
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While no one is asking you to give up your individuality or stop being independent, there will be times when you and your partner will have to make some compromises for your relationship to survive. Think about yourself, but don’t be self-centered. Together, the both of you make one unit. Don’t let your ego come in the way and ruin everything you have with your partner. Both of you have beautiful qualities; make use of them constructively by helping your relationship grow!
13. There is no one way to live life.
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You have gone about with your life in a particular manner, and so has he. Everyone has a different way of living life, depending on how they perceive it. They make their own rules and decide whether they want to stick by them or change them. Such personal choices are to be respected. So make suggestions if you want to but leave it up to him to figure what’s best for him and how he wants to go about with things. Don’t foist anything on him, give him space to be himself.
14. Accept your differences.
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What you can do for yourself is fabulous, but pulling him down because he hasn’t reached where you have, is wrong. You might be looking out for him, but don’t be arrogant about your success. Everyone has setbacks and strengths of their own. Be supportive if you want to help him grow. Meanwhile, don’t brag or throw your achievements in his face either. He accepts you just the way you are and gives you space to be who you want to be. You need to do just the same by accepting him just the way he is and let him do things at his own pace.
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15. Treat him the way you want to be treated.
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You’re an independent woman and you’re not going to allow some man to come and change things about you or your life. You like who you are, and you love that you’re free to do what you like. If you understand that about yourself, why is it difficult to understand that he might want the same? Don’t just preach individuality and equality, practice it too. Whether it is about making decisions together, understanding you, or taking care of you when you need him around, you know what you want from him, so give him what he is looking for as well. Relationships are the healthiest if there is balance and mutual respect.
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