Every relationship takes work, no matter if it’s a romantic relationship or a familial one. Being with someone you love is supposed to give you feelings of bliss and euphoria, but these feelings have a tendency to get shoved aside when problems start to arise. The strength of the relationship is tested when you can successfully work through your problems as a team, a unit. However, not all couples can do this successfully.
There comes a time in almost every relationship, where either of both of you have to ask yourselves this: Should I stay or should I go? But how do you make the right choice? What does the ‘right’ choice even look like? After all, it’s naught for nothing that it’s said hindsight is 20/20. You start to see everything clearly only when it’s too late to do anything about it. Adding to this is denial, which is an essential part of human nature, which won’t allow you to admit to yourself that something isn’t right, that something isn’t worth staying for, that something is utterly, irrevocably over, but can’t see it at all.
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One unequivocal truth is that there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. How could there even be one, when there are no perfect people? Everyone is imperfect, and when two imperfect people come together in a relationship, there is bound to be drama and chaos.
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In the initial days of your relationship, everything is hunky dory, because your eyes are blinded by the rose-tinted glasses you’ve donned. These blind you to any flaws or faults your partner may have. In fact, these glasses will make these same flaws seem like quirky, adorable traits, that make your partner that much more endearing to you. However, this changes when problems start to arise. The same flaws that you adored, start to seem too glaring and all too human. You can’t believe that your partner is not nearly as perfect you thought they were. This only leads resentment to build, eventually taking you to a point where you start to contemplate whether to cut your losses and let it go, or stay and make it work.
Letting go of a relationship that is past its expiration date may be one of the hardest things you’ll have to do in your life. But it’s also very essential that you do it at the right time, if only for your emotional sanity. If your relationship seems like a chore, that it has given you more pain than joy, that you often imagine being ‘free’ literally, then you might want to be on the lookout for these telltale signs your relationship is doomed. [If you seem to agree with more of these signs than not, then you might want to take that as a BIG hint that it’s time you let go and move on.]
1. Resentment
Resentment in a relationship could be likened to cancer. It’s there, underneath the surface, but you can’t make out what’s wrong, till it’s too bloody late. Do you resent your partner – for any reason? Are you suffering silently, clenching your fists, gritting your teeth, but never really confront it with your partner? You might tell yourself that you’re doing the ‘right’ thing by keeping things to yourself, and that you’re sparing your partner some pain, but you’re not. In fact, you’re actually quietly resenting your partner, that simmers just under the surface. And that is bound to spill over sooner than later. Your quiet resentment will blow up in your face when you reach your tipping point, and there’s no stopping you. And this becomes the last nail in the coffin that is your relationship. Remember, one of the first casualties of resentment is communication. Once that is dead, there’s hardly anything left to salvage in the relationship.
2. Contempt
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Do you scoff at everything your partner says and does? Do you hold serious disdain for your partner? Stop and think for a minute. Do you hold contempt for your partner? If so, then a contemptuous look across the room could convey what you feel for your partner. You’re a couple, who’re supposed to be in love. What place does contempt have here? It’s one of the most common relationship killers there is.
3. Disrespect
Disrespect for your partner doesn’t necessary mean something big or noteworthy. Even small acts of disrespect and dismissive behavior can erode the good will that should be there between a couple. If treated disrespectfully, anybody will check out of the relationship before they can say breakup.
4. Mistrust
Do you trust your partner? Do think they are where they are at all times? If your partner flirts with the cashier at the bookstore, who’s to tell they won’t do the same with their attractive colleague? If you can’t trust the one you love, then what’s the point of the relationship?
5. Lies
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Liar, liar, pants on fire! Yes, lying to your partner and lying to yourself are both bad for the health of a relationship. If you lie to your partner because you want to ‘protect’ them from harm, then there’s no bigger BS than that. Similarly, if you’re only pretending to be happy, trying to convince yourself of the fact, against what your heart is telling you and against your better judgment, then you’re deluding yourself and setting yourself up for a big disappointment.
Suggested read: 14 strong signs it’s time you gave up on your relationship
6. Badmouthing
Washing your dirty relationship linen in public will surely kill your relationship. If you have a problem with your partner, tell them, not the world, even if it’s just close friends and/or family. You both are in a relationship, not the world. Complaining and badmouthing, even if done in jest, hints at a much larger, deeper dissatisfaction in the relationship, that needs to be addressed at the earliest. So public badmouthing is one of the sure signs your relationship is doomed, and will never resuscitated.
7. Public humiliation
Have you ever belittled your partner in public, even in front of family and/or friends? Have you ever shamed your partner by accusing them or severely mistreating them, thinking that they deserve it? Of course, you might have done it in the ‘heat of the moment,’ and have even apologized for it, saying that it was ‘an accident,’ promising that it will never happen again. However, despite numerous promises, these keep happening. No amount of love, reassurance on their part seems enough for you, does it? This kind of behavior hints at a fragile ego that acts up, demanding to be stroked, more often than not.
8. Proof of love
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Do you ask your partner to prove their love for you? Often? This is a kind of blackmail. Do you even realize that? Asking your partner to do something for you, to show that they really love you. More often than not, they would indulge you, thinking it’s better than the fight that is sure to follow, if they refuse. It’s like you’re telling your partner that if they don’t jump through this particular hoop for you, then you don’t trust, believe, or accept their love for you. This is no way to live.
9. Distance
Do you find yourself tuning out and seeking distractions, in an effort to avoid intimacy? You’re distancing yourself from your partner, emotionally as well as physically, and it’s a matter of time before the connection is severed completely.
10. Emotional cheating
Having an emotional affair is worse than a physical one, because you’re invested in it emotionally, and it’s not just about physical fulfillment. The emotional attachment that you form is what your partner fears the most, because emotional intimacy is at the heart of any relationship, which is followed by everything else.
11. Fights
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It seems like you and your partner are constantly at loggerheads. That you can’t seem to settle even a little disagreement, let alone a big blown argument. That you’ve reached the point where you’d rather be left alone, than have to deal with an argument. In short, you’ve reached the ‘whatever’ stage. You don’t care about the outcome at all, because you’ve stopped investing in the relationship altogether.
12. Addiction
Substance abuse, alcohol addiction, sex addiction, gambling, compulsive spending, or even being a workaholic – all these will take priority over your relationship. If your partner enables your addiction instead of getting you help, then lives can be ruined.
13. Emotional blackmail
Do you guilt-trip your partner into doing things for you, or making them see things your way? Threats and emotional blackmail have no place in a healthy, stable relationship. Emotional blackmail may seem like it’s about love, but it’s always about control. And control is a form of abuse, even if it isn’t obvious. It’s one of the most obvious signs your relationship is doomed.
14. Indifference
“Indifference and neglect often do much more damage than outright dislike.” – JK Rowling. Need we say more? Honestly, if you don’t care, why stay at all?
Suggested read: 16 brutal truths about feeling alone in a relationship
15. Physical violence
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Physical abuse is never acceptable, under any circumstance. NEVER, EVER! There are no excuses for physical violence. No explanations or justifications that can make it right. It’s NEVER right to hit somebody.
If you find yourself agreeing to these points, then it’s time you said goodbye to your current relationship and move on. What else do you need to heed what your heart is telling you to do?
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