They say that you need a lifetime to really get to know a person. However, no matter how true that saying stands, it is also slightly unrealistic, because you have to make a decision about your life partner before you are old and mature enough to truly know a person. A much more realistic solution is moving in and living with your boyfriend or fiancée, to get a feel of what it would be like to spend the rest of your life with each other. This gives you an idea as to how life with them would be like, and gives you a direct insight into all the smaller nuances and habits that simply going out with each other and dating each other might not be able to reveal.
Although this is one of the most practical solutions to truly getting to know a person intimately, this experience also stands as a revelation for a lot of things which are conventionally regarded as red flags in any relationship. When you are in a live-in relationship, you may discover things about your partner which may not be very pleasant in the beginning, and becomes downright unbearable in the long run. If habits, instances, and mannerisms like this are becoming increasingly frequent, then it is time for you to move out of the live-in arrangement, and the relationship as well.
Suggested read: 10 things to think about before plunging into a live-in relationship
Here are 15 signs that tell you it is time to stop living with your boyfriend.
1. There is considerable financial imbalance
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If you find yourself being the primary source of income amongst the two of you, and you are unable to save anything for the future that you had planned because most of the expenditure is also naturally slipping away from your funds, you have to reconsider your living arrangements with your boyfriend, if you cannot convince him to sustain himself.
2. You have no qualms about doing things without him
When you are in a happy relationship, you want to share all your experiences together, and you want to spend all your time together. However, you should know that it is time to move out of a live-in relationship with your boyfriend when you are no longer excited by the prospect of spending time together, doing things that you both love doing. In fact, you have noticed that you have no problem doing things and moving ahead with your life in the absence of your boyfriend.
3. Going out with him has become a distant memory of the past
One advice that is always applicable for couples, married or otherwise, to keep their relationship alive and exciting is to never stop going out on dates. Going out together, whether it is for a casual walk, a movie, or a fancy dinner is one of the best ways in which couples connect and re-connect. If you and your boyfriend have not gone out in a very long time, and you don’t intend to in the near future, then you should move away from each other permanently.
4. He refuses to change his annoying habits
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Leaving the toilet seat up, leaving wet towels lying around, flinging his clothes everywhere after he comes back home, loading the fridge with his beer bottles or whatever it is that bother you about him might sound very stereotypical, but it is a real problem. It wasn’t cute when you moved in together, and it is not going to be cute when you two are married. If you are willing to compromise and make room for some of his demands, he should be able to do the same. If he isn’t, then it is time for you to make more room for his irritating habits by moving out.
5. You relish the time that you are left alone
You should never feel relieved or happy or ecstatic when your boyfriend, the person you are living with, the person with whom you considered the possibility of spending the rest of your life leaves you alone, or goes out with his friends or essentially doesn’t stay home. The very reason that you moved in with each other is so that you can spend time together, not pray for a window of opportunity when you get to be left alone, to be yourself and do whatever you please. If that is the case, then it is better to get an apartment of one’s own rather than force yourself into a relationship like this.
6. He treats you like a servant rather than an equal when his friends come over
It is not your job to serve his friends snacks and beer as they sit and guffaw about the latest game they saw or something of the like. Firstly, you should be friends with your boyfriend’s friends, and if that is not the case, then there is something wrong fundamentally. Apart from that, if you are shoved into the kitchen when his friends come over instead of invited to the celebration, then it is time you stopped living with your boyfriend altogether.
7. You are mostly limp when you are having intercourse
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Sex is one of the most important parts of a relationship, as it is also essential for determining the chemistry between two individuals. If you notice a pattern in the manner in which you have sex, where you mostly lie limp and he does most of the work, and afterwards he just turns over and goes to sleep, then there is something fundamentally wrong in the intimacy you two share. Tiring, exhaustive, uncomfortable aren’t the adjectives you should be using to describe your sexual experience with your partner.
Suggested read: 10 simple ways to get the most out of your live-in relationship
8. You find other means of satisfying yourself
There are two things that might happen – you might have really bad sex with your partner, or you may not engage in intercourse at all. If you find yourself looking for other alternative methods of satisfying your sexual urges, despite having a very eligible boyfriend you are living with, then it is obvious that there is something amiss. If you think bad or no sex is too trivial a reason to stop living with your boyfriend, then you are wrong, because it is one of the telltale signs of a crumbling relationship.
9. He has started to criticize you for the way you look when you are not dressed up
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When you started dating, you actually made an effort to look cute or hot for your boyfriend. You might even do so now, but it is not possible to be dressed up all the time for the visual pleasure of your partner. If your boyfriend is unable to accept you without criticism in your PJ’s and oversized shirt, then you should probably move to somewhere else where you are not expected to look like a doll, instead of a normal human being, all the time.
10. You have started keeping secrets from him
You may be too in-love or disillusioned to admit that your boyfriend has something seriously wrong in the manner in which he reacts to the things that you say to him. The only other way to make yourself realize this is by checking whether you have been keeping secrets regarding the most banal things, like buying something online, or hanging out with your friends, or forgetting to buy groceries. These are the basic indicators that your boyfriend is not the person you can share anything with, without fear of being judged, abused, condemned or something of the sort.
11. You have separate areas marked out in the house
You might think this is no big deal, that everyone should be allowed their privacy, but if you already have things like “his drawer” or “my blanket” marked out in the house that you two are sharing for the time being, it is evident that there is a breach in the trust that couples are ideally supposed to share. It is not imperative to share everything that two people in love own, however, it is also extreme to segregate things and mark them off as each other’s properties, in order to ensure that one does not encroach upon the other’s things. If this is a common phenomenon in your household, it is time to end your live-in relationship.
12. You stop enjoying things which mark you as a couple
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Whether it is getting matching T-shirts or going to a social gathering as a pair, there are some things which might sound cheesy and cliché, but they are nonetheless couples enjoy doing together, because that way, they are projected to the world as a team, a unit. Moving in together must have been a huge step, and you must have worked hard at your couple game, but if you see that you have given up, and in fact, you are wary of anything that indicates that the two of you are a couple, then it also indicates that things are definitely not the same anymore, and the relationship needs to end.
13. You are not anxious to please him anymore
This is a typical sign of couples losing interest in each other. You might feel that since you have moved in together, which is a huge step in itself; there is no need to constantly do things which will impress your partner. But you resolving to such a disposition only proves that you have stopped caring about his opinion, and that in turn indicates that it is time to walk out of the house and the relationship as well.
14. You don’t see enough of your friends or your family
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When you and your boyfriend moved in together, you must have thought it the best feeling in the world, and the possibility of seeing less of your friends and family didn’t seem like too bad a deal. However, just because you are living with your boyfriend does not mean that you will not see your friends or your family, because they are the people who will be with you no matter what. If you are seeing way too little of them, whether it is because your boyfriend wants you to stay at home or not, it is time to realize that your old life was better. Your boyfriend might be physically or emotionally manipulating you to stay away from the people who matter the most in your life, which is not an option if you want a steady, happy future.
Suggested read: 10 happy signs you’re ready to move in together
15. You plan a future without him in the picture
Couples who have moved in and who are going strong and who plan to spend the rest of their lives with each other are not afraid of planning ahead either, while considering the role of both the partners in the relationship. In fact, they can’t help doing so. One of the greatest red flags in your relationship which should tell you that you shouldn’t live with your boyfriend is when you plan a future, decide on homes you would like to live in, cities you would like to visit, jobs you would like to work, etc., without considering the role of your boyfriend in that picture.
Moving out of a relationship with your boyfriend is as important a decision as moving in with him was. You have to consider your options carefully, but more often than not, women seem to overlook these signs, which indicate that things in the relationship are not the same anymore. The only thing that could happen if you do not end the arrangement now is an inevitably unhappy future with the person you don’t even want to spend a day with, let alone your entire life.
Featured image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
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