Your friend (who is a guy)’s mom will love you to bits and treat you like the daughter she never had. As some time goes by, she will even tease you as his girlfriend. However, once she becomes aware of your true intentions as her nightmares roll up true, she will not approve of anything that you do…! In fact do not act surprised if she pulls off a “she doesn’t even breathe right” thingy! Yet like a real soldier, you march on and try every conceivable modus operandi to please ze mother even though you are fully conscious of how futile your attempts are. Let’s have a look at this 15-stage Mission Impossible (indeed)… the mission that sums up every girlfriend’s vain struggle to please your boyfriend’s mother:
Stage 1: Making that phone call
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Ah, that debut tête-à-tête! Yes, I know you have pictured this for more for a week now and also made notes of the things you need to touch up on, even in the 50 sec conversation that will decide whether you are qualified enough for the post of ze girlfriend! So you call her up with the noblest intentions (of being allowed to sleep with her son!). But despite that she is miffed; because of the timing! Didn’t you know 9 am to 11 pm is soap time?! And after that, sleep!
Suggested read: The types of mothers-in-law everyone has…
Stage 2: Sending her a gift
Now this is tricky! The first thing she’s gonna tell the son is not a “thank you” but “why.” After she’s convinced with the why (yea, that’s what you think!), she will unwrap the present like a potential rapist, to finally utter, “I have this. Give it to your cousin.”
Stage 3: Touching her feet
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To touch or not to touch, that is the real question, Hamlet! She will judge you anyway so dive in; take the plunge. People who say only God can judge them, have never met a mother-in-law (or a would-be!)
Stage 4: Being cheerful
Even if you promise me you didn’t overcook this one, I know she told her son that you were “prone to happiness!” Which, of course, is a bad thing, can’t you see?! What the hell are you happy about? She hasn’t sanctioned your plea yet!
Stage 5: Being yourself
Nope! Abort mission. Now!
Stage 6: Show an interest in what she has to say
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Coz if you don’t, she will think you just don’t care (which is kinda true!). But if you do, you’ll be fanning her suspicions. Don’t you know she discovered Torrent long back and is Sherlock-ed!
Stage 7: Cooking for her
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This is like going for a practice session with Rooney, offering to play chauffeur for Schumacher, planning to step in as Jon Travolta’s partner! The offer you’ve made WILL be refused!
Stage 8: Showing how religious you are!
She is surely going to play the ‘secular’ card here! Politics was always a household game! 😉
Stage 9: Donning something that she’d like
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You mean, what you think she’d like! Now that’s where everything changes!
Stage 10: Mythology
In this stage, you will want to impress her with your knowledge of the gods and goddesses because “jiska koi nahin uska to khuda hai, yaaro.” Cool idea! However, there’s one little problem: you have no knowledge! So you resort to getting inspired by the script of Hum Saath Saath Hain to tell her all you know about the Ramayana! ‘Epic’ fail, without a doubt! 😛
Stage 11: By looking after her son
But don’t try to become his mom, coz, he already has one, remember? How can you forget that!
Stage 12: By vowing to serve her 24x 7
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What are you, a pest? No? But that’s what she thinks of you now! (P.S.: She has also cracked a joke with her daughter about whether you are expecting a handsome pay at the end of the month! Ouch!)
Stage 13: Saying yes to whatever she says
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“Beta, she doesn’t have a mind of her own. How can you even imagine a blondie taking the family tree forward?” Next!
Suggested read: How to impress your mother-in-law, the foolproof guide…
Stage 14: Calling her Mom!
Noooooo! What is she running, an orphanage? Isn’t your mother enough for you? You can have mine if you want! 😉
Stage 15: Becoming her!
Voila! This is what she will appreciate and start to make an effort towards liking you, but now you need another list (coz someone else won’t be pleased with this metamorphosis): How to please the Bf’s father? C’mon the guy has been with the woman for years- so….! 😉
That woman ain’t called ‘Monster-in-law’ for no reason! This is just the beginning! 😉
Featured image source: indianparentsforum
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