Change is the only constant. If you don’t change, you stay in the same place and stagnate. People change, circumstances change, and feelings change. Your relationship has been steadily changing over time, but not for the better. The desire, the love, the spark – seem to have vanished into thin air. You’ve tried everything you know to try and save the relationship, but all to no avail. What is left for you to do then? Throwing in the towel, giving up on a relationship, and moving on.
This is easier said than done, because you’ve put in tremendous amounts of work, tears, love, and effort into this relationship, and you still think it has hope. But, it’s just your heart talking, while your brain knows that it’s never going to improve, ever. If you’re waffling between staying and fighting for your relationship, or trying to make up your mind about giving up and moving on, look out for these signs that tell you the latter course of action is what you need to follow.
Suggested read: 11 valid reasons to breakup with someone
1. You’re always looking back.
Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
Your past is what shapes your present and future. But if you seem to dwell on your past, and even feel tied down by it, then that’s a red flag, right there. When you’re in a healthy, stable relationship, you live in the present while still learning from your past, but also looking ahead towards a happy and hopeful future. If this is not the case, and you find yourself looking back, rather than ahead, then your relationship has been stagnating in an unhealthy place.
2. It’s more pain than happiness.
Every relationship goes through its fair share of ups and downs, and what gets you both through them is your commitment to each other and to your relationship. It’s almost inevitable that a relationship be smooth sailing always. Perhaps, in the beginning, you had really happy moments, but now it’s all hurt, anger, resentment, and hopelessness. If your relationship leaves you unhappy, or worse, despairing, then there’s seriously something wrong with it.
3. The love is conditional.
Love, in its truest form, is unconditional. If you find yourself having to keep up a façade with your partner to get their love, affection, loyalty, or even their approval, then it’s definitely a wrong relationship to be in. You don’t have to fight a battle or slay a dragon or two to receive affection from your partner. It’s a part and parcel of being in a relationship with someone. While growing up is a part of any relationship, dancing on your partner’s whims or changing yourself to fit their idea of you, is definitely wrong. Even when you’re in a relationship, you need to be able to maintain an individual identity of your own.
4. You have to convince yourself to stay.
Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
You wake up every day and plaster a smile on your face and got through the motions for your partner’s sake. Or worse, you have to convince yourself why you’re in a relationship with this person at all. You even have to cajole and persuade yourself that your partner is great, and that they actually care about you, while their actions clearly show otherwise. If you’re doing this, then you’re just fooling yourself, nobody else. When you’re in a healthy, mature relationship with the right person, you don’t have to work so hard to convince yourself that you’re doing the right thing – you’ll just know – in your gut, in your heart. Being in a healthy relationship doesn’t seem like work at all; it’s almost effortless.
5. There are unresolved issues and compounding resentment.
Every relationship has its share of conflicts, arguments, and issues. To resolve these, you need to communicate positively, and deal with things head on, instead of just brushing everything under the rug, and go on as if everything is hunky dory. That’s not how a healthy relationship works. If you have issues and conflicts festering without any kind of resolution or reconciliation, then it’s like letting the wounds bleed indefinitely, without letting them dry out, scab over, and eventually heal. This just builds resentment and anger, which do no good to your already deteriorating relationship.
6. You’re fighting more than talking.
Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
As mentioned above, disagreements and conflicts are a part and parcel of any relationship. These, when done right, help you build a stronger relationship, by forging a stronger bond between the two of you. However, if you or your partner flare up at the drop of a hat, sniping at each other, hurling accusations at one another, then there’s something very wrong with your relationship. Positive attitude, open and honest communication, are needed to resolve such issues, thereby building a healthy relationship, that is going to last a lifetime.
Suggested read: 10 simple ways to find yourself after a heartbreaking breakup
7. It’s not going anywhere.
If you let a relationship stagnate, without any stimulus to spark it back into life, it’s downhill from then on. If you keep going at each other rehashing the same old fight over and over again, it’s like banging your head against a rock. Nothing happens but your head getting cracked like a nut! If you feel like your relationship is stuck, without moving forward, or even backward, despite your best efforts, then it’s probably time for you to give up on it.
8. You’re going nowhere.
Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
When you’re in a healthy relationship, it allows you and your partner both to grow up as individuals. However, if your relationship stifles you instead of giving you the wings to soar high and far, then it’s time you took stock of your relationship. Even when you’re in a relationship, you have to have the freedom to be yourself and grow, the way you know is best suited for you. If this isn’t happening, then maybe it’s time you thought about giving up on a relationship.
9. You’re both too different.
Differences are good; I mean, you can’t very well have a mirror image for a partner, right? How boring would that get? I shudder to even think! However, for a relationship to work, there has to be some common elements too, whether it’s your values, beliefs, priorities, interests, or approach to life. If you bond and build a relationship over one common element close to both your hearts, then the relationship can be sustained and nurtured. But if that magical common ingredient is missing and you realize that you’re both too very different individuals, then it’s just not going to work.
10. You’re not on the same emotional wavelength.
Image source: Dollarphotoclub
Maybe you’re more invested in the relationship than your partner, or vice versa. Maybe you want something more from the relationship than what your partner is willing to give. Maybe you’re too sensitive and emotional, whiel your partner is a cold fish, through and through. When there’s such a mismatch between you two, it’s clear that you’re not on the same page emotionally. This will only make you grasp at straws to keep your relationship afloat – that too, barely.
Expecting your partner to change or things to get better, when the opposite has been true for as long as you can remember, is wishful thinking on your part. Most likely, you’d be disappointed, or worse, hurt. Your partner is either incapable of giving you what you want, or is too complacent with the status quo that they don’t want to change it at all. It’s better for you if you just end things.
11. You couldn’t care less – about your partner and your relationship.
Many people think that the opposite of love is hate. However, the opposite of love is indifference, and in some cases, neglect too. When you’re in love, and in a stable, healthy relationship, you care what happens to your partner, and vice versa. However, if you can’t even summon the minimal amount of energy to care whether your partner is alright or not, then you’re better off severing all ties and moving on. On the other hand, if it’s your partner who is apathetic towards you, then what’s the point of continuing so?
12. You’re losing self-respect.
Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
You know what the building blocks of a relationship are? They’re love, respect, and understanding. Even if one of these is missing, then the very foundation of your relationship is on shaky ground. Especially so, when it’s respect that’s missing from your equation. Apart from respecting each other, each of you also need to have a healthy amount of self-respect.
On the one hand, a loving partner won’t ever let you stoop down below your level or lose your self-respect for the sake of the relationship. On the other hand, no partner is worth losing your self-respect over. It’s better to have your self-respect intact than to be in a relationship that asks you to lose it. It’s just not worth it.
13. There’s no sex or any kind of physical intimacy.
Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
Apart from emotional intimacy, sex is another integral part of a healthy, romantic relationship. You don’t have to be doing it like bunnies, but you need to be physically attracted to your partner. If this crucial attraction and the ensuing desire isn’t there, then there’s something amiss in your relationship. And when you want to give this a shot by trying to rekindle the flame, you both need to put in the effort, or it won’t ever work.
Suggested read: 10 compelling reasons to start loving yourself after a breakup
14. Your future doesn’t have a place for your partner.
When you imagine your life five, or even ten, years down the line, your partner is simply not there. And this is a serious red flag, because couples in healthy relationships make plans together. You should, in fact, look forward to a future with your partner. But if this is just not in the cards, then it’s better to pull the plug on the whole thing.
Holding on to something that has gone sour, isn’t doing anybody any favors. Don’t stay in a relationship just because it’s the ‘right’ thing to do, or it’s what you’re ‘expected’ to do. Life’s too short to live it based on others’ definition of what’s ‘right’ or worse, living it on others’ terms. It’s better to give up on a relationship than to stay and be miserable. Giving on a relationship that’s just not working for you is the best course of action, because it allows you to begin again, this time with a new perspective too.
Featured image source: Dollarphotoclub
Facebook
Disqus
Google + 
