If I had the power to delete one word from people’s mental vocabulary and perception of the word, it would be ‘cheating.’ I absolutely detest the word, in every sense of it. However, neither do I have any such power, nor can I stop people from stepping out on their partners. It’s like an ant trying to shove an elephant with all its might – it’s pointless, because cheating is as common as it ever was. I’m guessing it has always been prevalent, but people are more open to the idea of acknowledging it now more than ever.
In your everyday life, you come across so many people – some who cheat on their partner in every sense of the word, and some who are pulled into such situations, putting them in a dilemma of to cheat or not to cheat. But have you ever asked yourself why people cheat in the first place? Why it’s so hard being faithful in a relationship?
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You think you’re in a secure, stable relationship where you and your partner are content, if not happy, each fulfilling the needs that arise within a romantic relationship – physical, emotional, mental, intellectual, and sometimes even financial. But why did your partner feel the need to step out on you and the promises you made to each other?
But that one moment of weakness, one lapse in judgment, one error in a long line of good decisions is all it takes to crumble a relationship from the inside out.
Suggested read: 15 sad signs your man is cheating on you
Before you or your loved one experiences this devastation, let’s tackle why being faithful in a relationship is so hard.
1. Unequal commitment
See, logically, you know that love and commitment in a relationship is always imbalanced. There is always one partner who gives more to the relationship than the other. Maybe your partner isn’t as committed to the relationship as you are. Maybe they’re not ready to commit to one person for the foreseeable future. Maybe they’re too free-spirited to be tied down in life. To quench this urge, their eyes rove around, oftentimes at the expense of the more invested person in the relationship.
2. Killer curiosity
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So your partner is truly, really committed to you. But somewhere along the way, they are tempted to cheat, purely out of curiosity, the allure of the forbidden fruit. They might even fantasize being picked up at the bar by a random hot stranger, or doing the dirty with a colleague. The problem arises when they choose to act on these fantasies. Sometimes the attraction that the forbidden fruit gives out is too much to resist. This curiosity may even make them believe that they’re just trying something new and exciting, instead of the fact that they’re cheating.
3. Attention seeking
People seek attention and validation from others, especially their partners. If your partner isn’t getting either of these, they may be tempted to look for them elsewhere. Deep down, they know it’s wrong to cheat on their partner, but their need for attention and validation trumps the voice of reason and they cheat.
4. Harsh neglect
You may have been focusing too much on your work, and in the process neglected your partner. When certain needs and wants and desires are not met in a relationship, people are tempted to stray. It’s only natural for them to look to other people to fulfill these needs and desires when they don’t get these from you. However, it might also be that they’re so focused on the shortcomings in their relationship to even notice the good things that they already have. They may even overlook the fact that they’re easily fixable, sometimes with something as simple as honest communication.
5. Inevitable disappointments
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Perhaps your partner entered into a relationship with unrealistic expectations. They may even be under the illusion that you two would never fight, never have any problems, and therefore find themselves unable to cope with the stresses and strain that comes with being in a relationship.
It also happens that they might have put you on a pedestal, blowing the image of you they hold to gigantic proportions, thereby equating you with a hero(ine). But when this bubble is burst, they can’t handle it, which makes them seek out other people who they think would fulfill their expectations from the relationship or from their partner.
6. Lack of appreciation
Being appreciated and acknowledged by your partner is an inherent need from any relationship, especially a romantic one. It adds to the emotional connection and intimacy that you both share. However, this intimacy takes a hit when your partner doesn’t appreciate you or what you bring to the table, causing you to grow apart, thereby weakening the bond you share. As mentioned above, this might lead to straying, in an attempt to feel appreciated and validated.
Suggested read: Is flirting cheating when you’re in a relationship? How to know when you’ve crossed the line
7. Lack of intimacy
Many people confuse intimacy with sex, but they are two very different and distinct aspects of a relationship. Beyond the physical intimacy you share with your partner, emotional intimacy is important too, if not more so. And a decided lack of emotional intimacy can also play a significant role in tempting people to cheat. They try to seek the emotional connection from they are missing in their relationship.
8. Sexual disconnect
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Not everyone has the same sex drive, and this can create a rift in a relationship, because it a romantic relationship cannot survive on bad sex or lack of it at all. People tend to dismiss sex as trivial, but this plays the very important role of creating an intangible connection between a couple. When there’s a disconnect in your libido with your partner, they might involve in casual sex with random strangers, or have a full-blown affair with someone who can fulfill their physical needs.
9. Desire to prove something
They may stray to prove something to someone, or in most cases, themselves. It may be a chance to stroke their ego, or a way to boost their self-esteem, to prove that they’ve still got it. They have an innate need to prove to themselves that other people still find them attractive.
10. Partner has left themselves go
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Many people are rather superficial, and may consider cheating when their partner lets themselves go and become fat, go bald, start to nag, or simply not care how they look as much as they did in the beginning of the relationship. They may find their partner unattractive, unappealing, and may be even disgusting, spiking their need to find someone who would fit their idea of attraction and appeal.
11. Insecurity
When your partner feels threatened in the relationship in any way, the flight or fight response kicks in, which is a direct consequence of their insecurities. And the partner who feels the insecurity more, often chooses the flight route, by cheating on their partner. Instead of addressing their insecurity by communicating with their partner, they choose to escape the situation. Sometimes it also happens that when one partner’s self-esteem and self-worth is lower than the other’s, this partner jumps the gun and cheats before being cheated on. That’s a no-win situation, really.
12. Revenge
This is one of the worst reasons for cheating on your partner. Every relationship has its own ups and downs, fights and make ups. But if you choose to punish your partner or get back at them by cheating on them, then there’s seriously something wrong with your relationship. Cheating on your partner just to hurt them is just plain wrong and the worst kind of betrayal.
13. Addicted to sex
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It’s true that many people are addicted to sex. But without a proper diagnosis, followed by treatment, cheating on their partner is all they can do feed their addiction. However, there are also people who blame their infidelity on sex addiction, and that’s just finding a cop out reason for stepping out on their partner.
Suggested read: 14 facts about infidelity that will totally surprise you
14. A way out
Sometimes it’s natural to feel suffocated in a relationship. But if your partner uses cheating as a way out, then that’s just sad. They tend to see and justify cheating by terming it as the last resort to end their relationship, since they couldn’t find another way out.
For some people, it’s hard being faithful in a relationship, despite having comfort, security, love, affection, and a genuine connection. The lure of the forbidden fruit, the call of the siren is hard for them to resist, and they succumb, thereby hurting the one person they promised not to. It’s time to take stock of your relationship, the state it is in, the changes you need to make it as impenetrable as possible, and make it cheating-proof. Granted that it’s hard to remain faithful in a relationship, but it’s not impossible.
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