Everywhere you look, there are hashtags galore.
#LoveIsEternal
#MadeForEachOther
#SquadGoals
#VacationGoals
#BFFGoals
#RelationshipGoals
This last one is what I would like to focus on in this post. Most couples put up their seemingly happy, carefree, lovey-dovey pictures on social media without any qualms about making private moments public. Whether this display is for seeking validation for the ‘perfect’ relationship they’re enjoying, or they want to show the world that they have the most ‘perfect’ relationship in the world, it’s out there in the internet ether, for all the world to see.
Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
But what you and I, as outsiders to their relationship, don’t know is that these pictures look perfect, but may not be in reality. Why? Because relationships are not always smiling at each other, or making pouty faces at each other, or traveling the world. These pictures mislead you into thinking that it’s perfect, that they’re in their own version of heaven. But what about what it really takes to build a relationship that is lasting, that would stand the ravages of time and wear, that is solid enough to navigate what life throws at you?
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Those are what you need to be focusing on instead of deluding yourself into thinking that what constitutes your social media feed is actually “real.” Granted that these couples might really be happy with each other, but that’s not all there is to a relationship. So you need to aspire to achieve real relationship goals, instead of the misleading ones you see on social media.
Here are a few real relationship goals you would do well to aspire to, rather than ones that seem perfect.
1. Having unshakable trust
How much do you trust your partner? Do you trust them to be there for you when you need them the most? Do you trust them to put your needs above their ego? Do they trust you to do the same? Do you trust them enough to let go of your vulnerabilities? Do you know that they won’t ever use your vulnerabilities against you? Trust is one of the cornerstones of any relationship, and you should build it so that it is solid and unshakable.
2. Being honest with each other
Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License
Being honest doesn’t mean you tell them they look fat or have grown out a beer belly; in essence, hurting them. No. Here, a big part is you being able to be honest with your partner about the big things in life, the things that matter. Real relationship goals should include being open and honest with your partner about whatever you want to say, what you feel, and knowing that they would do their best to understand where you’re coming from.
3. Open and honest communication
No matter how many lovey-dovey pictures you put up on the internet, it won’t matter, if, at the end of the day, you can’t honestly tell your partner how you feel. Open and honest communication is what makes a relationship a healthy one. You should be able to talk and communicate about anything you want and feel to you partner – that is the ultimate relationship goal.
4. Caring about each other’s safety
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Safety in a relationship encompasses the feeling of security that you feel when you know that your partner won’t let any external force harm you, the same way you look out for them. This also includes creating an environment where you feel safe and secure in the knowledge that your partner won’t be the one to harm you either. This is when you can let loose and enjoy yourself, no? Caring about someone’s safety is in fact, caring about someone’s life.
5. Caring about your partner’s happiness
Some people say that you should put your partner’s happiness and needs above your own. I don’t quite agree with this statement, because you won’t know how to make your partner happy unless you yourself are not quite happy. Get the point? So while you need to care whether or not your partner is happy and content in a relationship with you, you also need to focus on your own happiness and check to see if you feel that way too. You both are equal, and therefore, both your happiness matters in a relationship.
6. Spending time together
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You hear this often, I’m sure. But it’s pretty darn important, that’s why people quote this often. Spending time together doesn’t always have to be a certain way – in a fancy restaurant, or at the movies, or traveling together. Although these are nice things to do with your partner, it’s not limited to just these. More than the amount of time you spend with each other, it’s the quality of time that’s important. It could be something as simple as you both doing the dishes together while chatting about what happened that day at the office. Or it could be cuddling on the couch and just being with each other. See how simple and yet how effective this would be?
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7. Spending time apart
Just as important as spending time with each other is, you need to spend time apart too. You need to go and take that pottery class you’ve been meaning to take, or that art class you’ve always wanted to take with your bestie. Spend time apart to grow as individuals. This time apart nurtures you and gives you perspective like no other activity.
8. Spending time with friends
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While you spend the majority of your time with your partner, you need to give your friends some of your time and attention too. If this includes going out with both sets of friends – either apart or together – then you’re on the right track to building a happy relationship. Just because you’re in a relationship, don’t shove your friends to the recesses of your life. They were there before you got into a relationship. Give them the importance that they deserve.
9. Caring for each other’s family
When you get into a relationship, you don’t just get your partner in the bargain, but their family as well. So learn to accept their presence in your life and the role they play in it. Just as your family is important to you, your partner is the same. So never disrespect your partner’s family in any way, since if the tables were turned, you wouldn’t like it either. Always keep that in mind.
10. Being each other’s cheerleaders
Your dreams and aspirations are a major part of what make you happy and make you strive to realize those dreams. So real relationship goals are achieved when you and your partner are each other’s personal cheerleaders, supporting each other through the bumps in the road. Whether it’s something small like learning to drive shift, or something big like quitting their job and become an entrepreneur, you need each other’s support.
11. Working as a unit, a team
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When you’re in a committed relationship, you become part of a team. While you help your partner out when they’re stuck, they’ll do the same in return. All the rules that apply when you’re a part of a team, apply here too. While you get all the support that comes from being a part of a team, you also get the responsibilities that entail.
12. Being able to argue
What?! You think I’m crazy, right? Nope, I’m not. One thing you need to understand is that arguing is a far cry from getting into fights. Arguing is voicing your opinions. Therefore, it’s a good way of knowing how your partner’s brain works, and how they feel about certain issues. However, one thing to note here is to know when to stop arguing, before it crosses the line. Learn to agree to disagree. There’s no harm in that; in fact, you can be two different individuals while still having a successful, healthy relationship.
13. Keeping promises to each other
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Breaking promises to anyone, including your partner, is a no no. This is the fastest way to lose someone’s trust. And as we all know, gaining trust is so hard, while losing it is so very easy. Real relationship goals mean knowing that when your partner promises something to you, that they’ll follow through with it, come hell or high water. Similarly, you need to do the same for your partner as well.
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14. Loving each other just the way you are
If this means loving your rat nest of bed hair in the morning, or loving you even when you’re sick and covered in snot and sneezing like crazy, then it’s a real relationship goal right there. Remember, nobody is perfect; knowing that you have a person, a partner who will stand by you despite all your flaws and chooses to overlook them, is what a happy, healthy relationship is all about.
Forget what you see on your social media news feed. These are the relationship goals you need to work towards achieving in your relationship. These will help you build a strong, happy, healthy, and successful partnership that will last a lifetime.
Featured image source: Pinterest
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