No relationship can survive without trust. It is one of the most important things that results in a long-lasting and healthy relationship. Though, loving someone dealing with trust issues can be a task in itself. It would require you to invest the whole of your heart and soul in your relationship. You might have to walk an extra mile to make sure that your partner is able to move past their trust issues.
There are a few people in this world who are really worth loving for. The moment you decide you want to help your partner overcome their trust issues – you already bring a change in your relationship. It would be time-consuming, but if you really love your partner, then you won’t be hesitant to do it. Keep these thoughtful suggestions in mind when you are in love with someone who is being haunted by their past. Let them realize how different you are. You are their exception. They might be guarded, but you have to make an effort to let them know that the only person who is stopping them from being happy is themselves.
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1. Be patient
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This is the key to love a person dealing with trust issues. There are times when they will ask you the same question almost every day. You can’t simply be angry at them for looking for an assurance. Be patient and give it some time. Even before taking that big step, you will realize how fragile they could be. You need to make sure that you are in this for the long haul. If you are having a second thought, then you should take a step back and decide if you want to do this or not. If you are not ready to wait, then you should always let them know about it before commencing anything.
2. Try to find the cause
If you want to help them overcome their issues, you got to dig little a deeper. No one gets trust issues just like that! Some or other thing could have happened to them in the past, which must have broken their trust. It could be anything from a distant parent to a series of failed relationships.
They could be just cheated on in the past by someone they loved deeply. There are times when even sibling rivalry can be one of the major causes of having issues like these. Instead of beating around the bush, make an effort and understand the cause. You need to find that one thing which initially triggered their behavior in order to help them.
3. Don’t encourage them
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When you are being patient and trying to figure out the cause, chances are that you would become deeply invested in them. If not done wisely, this might give your partner a wrong presumption. The more you would try to know them and keep answering their questions, the more they would get encouraged. Yes, you have to be patient with them, but in such a way that it doesn’t augment their tendencies to mistrust and feel justified in it. You can’t always give them what they want but striking the correct balance of understanding their mistrust and channeling it to a fecund ground of reliability is crucial. Let them know about their issues in a thoughtful way.
4. Communicate with them more often
If you know you are dating someone dealing with trust issues, you should start by informing them about it. The next course of action is all about unraveling the cause behind their issues. This would require the two of you to communicate more often. You need to be their friend and listen to their stories without judging them.
Talk to them about their family and their past relationships as well. Discussing their past relationships would hurt you a little, but if might help you discover the cause of their behavior as well. If needed, the two of you can also visit a therapist to make your partner realize how deep their issues are.
5. Unravel the pattern
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Almost all the abandonment and trust issues have a pattern. They gradually commence without letting the person know and grow at a steady rate. Your partner might not realize how deeply invested their issues could be. They need to revisit their past and understand the difference between the right and the wrong. The journey would not be that easy. You have to be with them at every step of the way to know the pattern behind their behavior.
6. Make them realize it’s different this time
Sometimes, moving out of a failed relationship could be the toughest task in this world. Your partner could have had a terrible past. Chances are they might be judging you on the basis of how their ex treated them. If you are doing the same things their ex did, they might get a little insecure. This is where you need to make them realize that you are their exception.
“I am not leaving you. Never.”
Let them know they can always count on you. It is different this time and they can’t compare their present relationship with their past ones. It is unfair, not only to them, but to you as well.
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7. Support them
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When you are implementing all these suggestions, you should remind yourself that your job is not to fix them. You are here to support them instead. Yes, their behavior can get inappropriate at times and you might end up arguing for hours. But you need to understand that a person can’t be changed in a day. It will take some time and you need to make sure that you are always there to support them. Be their strength, not their weakness.
8. Ask them to try giving up their guard
People with trust issues are often guarded. Whenever you would try to help them, they might get panicked or even take a few steps back. You need to understand that trust can only be earned with time. They might take a while to come around. Try to talk to them and win their trust in the most effortless way. It will take some time and you might have to make some effort. Make yourself ready for it.
9. Give them an assurance
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They will ask for an assurance – more than once. Chances are that you would have plenty of fights regarding this topic as well. You can’t just walk away from them after being agitated. This would cause an irrevocable damage and they won’t be able to trust anyone for the rest of their life. You need to understand how sensitive the situation is. Be kind and patient with them. Let them know that you are on their side – both with your words and your actions.
10. Know when they are crossing the line
If their trust issues were triggered by a heartbreaking or devastating event, chances are that they would cross the line every now then. People dealing with trust issues depict different behavior peaks. Some might be just introverts who would barely speak to you about their feelings. Others might be highly extrovert, who would question you about every move of yours. You might have to make an effort to regain your personal space here. Be polite and let them know how uncomfortable they are making you with their behavior.
11. Be honest
Needless to say, you can’t win your partner’s trust without being honest with them. The more you would lie to them about your life, the harder it would be for them to trust you. Sooner or later, they will get to know the truth. This would put you in an awkward position. Make sure that the foundation of your relationship is built on honesty and truth rather than a bunch of lies.
12. It’s a team effort
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It takes two to tango. No matter how much effort you make to gain their trust, if they are not willing to change their behavior, then it would all go in vain. After a while, you need to make them realize that loving someone is all about taking a leap of faith. They could have had a bad experience in the past, but it would be different this time. You would be there to catch them. They two of you should be equally invested in your relationship.
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13. Trust them
Most importantly, you need to trust them. It is not a give-and-take thing. You can’t just gain their trust after giving something to them. You need to trust them unconditionally, without expecting anything in return. They would certainly appreciate your effort. This would help them overcome their trust issues, knowing you would always be there by their side. Try to understand how tough it could be for them. They can’t really overcome their issues without knowing if you are in this for the long haul or not.
You have to make them see the bigger picture every time they are reluctant to trust you. Everyone likes to have a future with their partner and they can’t be an exception. Give them a righteous place in the relationship and treat them as an equal. At the same time, don’t hesitate to help them as well. It might seem an uphill climb in the beginning, but after a while, you would be able to overcome their issues together. And trust me – the view from the top would be so damn worth it!
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